I get home tonight and Hot Wife was all, “Why didn’t you blog today?”
Deep breath.
“I didn’t blog today, Dearest, because it was one of those days when the only predictable and acceptable outcome to the afternoon was me throwing someone or something through a plate glass window, lighting my hair on fire and running from the building screaming gibberish like, ‘BUT MOM SAID THE GRAVY IS TOO HOT TO EAT UNTIL AFTER THE CRANBERRIES! PLEASE! SOMEBODY! TELL THEM NOT TO EAT THE GRAVY! IT’S TOO HOT! IT'S TOO FUCKING HOT!’
“I didn’t blog today, Love Of My Life, because there were too many moments when I was having a little heart-to-heart with The Big Project Manager In The Sky, asking him firmly but politely and respectfully to please slay the people who were causing me to experience the baboon ass and to give me the strength to stroll out onto the 405 Freeway and throw my quote career unquote under a passing Snapple truck.
“I didn’t blog today, Precious, because I felt all day as though if my employer were a hospital instead of a business, the work I do is the equivalent of the guy in the pale blue scrubs who walks around emptying peoples’ colostomy bags.”
I am sorry you had a bad day, Honey, but that is no excuse. Aside from you, our precious children and chocolate, I live to read your new posts. Think about someone else besides yourself for a change.
Huh? So, are you saying you had a shitty day? Feeling obtuse, I am. Talking like yoda, I am. Worry not, little bro. It'll all get there. Go to the beach. Listen to the waves for a little while. It'll help calm things down. We don't want part 3 to this saga. Trilogies always suck.
love ya.
I totally agree with Hot Wife & Wondersis - go figure. Stop being a cry baby, kick your boss in the ass (tonight in your dreams you and Sunshine Bear should find a way to make him self conscious about his man parts) and get back to blogging. Obviously it keeps you happy and sane so stop finding excuses not to write the fun stuff.
By-the-way...orderlies play a very important role in the medical world. Imagine your colostomy bag overflowing back up into your colon. Don't bag on the orderlies. I change diapers for a living. Does that make you better than me?
I think not young Jedi. 500 years old I am...I know everything.
May the force be with you Danny Boy.
And Danny, don't forget to dance in the sunshine.
Nice one Theresa!
Danny, its ok to admit you are still mourning the shitty DMB album that specifically targets the band's tone-deaf fans and you cannot bring yourself to blog. There should be no shame in your game, dude.
Buck up, lil camper.
Discovered your blog through a friend. Dude, your funny… And I know the day that you had… my life seems to be one of those days.
Keep up the bloging… you and a few other blogs (+ my wife) provide me a little sunshine to my otherwise miserable existence
Aw, poor Danny. (*ruffling your hair and switching to my talking-to-little-guys voice*)
But who's the best darn colostomy-bag-emptier in the whole wide world? YOU are, that's who!
Awwww...one of those days...that sucks. Don't worry, it's friday now. Your almost out of there.
Sounds to me like a normal day at the office, lazy bones. I think you're still trying to get over the Dave Matthews thing; you invested too much emotional capital in those stupid malfunctions of a free economy, and now you're trying to blame us faithful blog readers for doing to you what you did to DMB.
However, "the baboon ass" was a keeper. That makes up for a less-substantial blog today.
crap. LeenaBeena beat me to the DMB thing.
OK: I got nothin'.
I shall be the lone dissenter. If you don't feel like blogging don't fucking blog.
PS Please don't let these people kill me.
I agree with Lola!
However, I will say that I am a little bit more sad when I don't have DGM to read on my morning break!
Remember on thing... a day is just 24 hours. :)
(trying to not admit I missed DGM too lol)
Thanks DGM, I totally needed that today. I was seriously considering jail wouldn't be such a bad punishment for getting to punch my babysitter in the face.
You brought me back to Earth.
sorry to hear about your shitty day...mine's been a bad week... my boss, aka "crazy lady" can drive me to drink... some of the others can make a person go insane here!...I'm so glad I don't have much longer....
You should check out my livejournal sometime. You wanna talk about lack of interesting things to talk about.
I never have anything interesting to say in it. Just random thoughts and pictures.
You are taking for granted the fact that some of your readers empty colostomy bags for a living. I have a license and a four-year bachelor's degree that cost me well over 50G's, yet I empty colostomy bags for a living. I am RN, hear me roar.