Turns out the post-op drama from a vasectomy is far worse than any pre-op worrying or the KY butt bath one must endure during the procedure.

Let’s start with my pubes. The morning of my vasectomy, I sat spread eagle over the toilet and tried to stabilize my trembling hand long enough to shave my sack without severing one of the many tiny veins that criss-cross my little hacky sack. When I finished, I stood in front of the mirror and realized that I looked like a very well-endowed three-year-old boy, only taller.

I presume my thorough shaving gave Dr. Gardenburger a spotless canvas on which to work, but the aftermath has left me exceptionally uncomfortable. See, the thing I forgot about shaving scrote hair is that it doesn’t grow back all at once. The regeneration starts as coarse little stubble that pokes into your inner thighs and upper penile area, burrowing into that delicate, milky skin like rusty daggers and giving one the sensation that fire ants are building a home on one’s pubis. Frankly, I’d rather have monkey pox. I’m constantly scratching myself, and by now my coworkers must suspect that I had quite a spectacular tryst last weekend with a very dirty little whore.

I am also deathly afraid to resume normal sexual activity (such as that is for Her Hotness and me) for fear that I will finally reach that special moment only to find that as a result of my little procedure, the associated discharge now shoots forth from my eyes or my belly button, or that the act of climax now causes me to twitch and click and growl like a werewolf with Tourette’s. Also, I don’t want it to hurt. It shouldn’t hurt. It should feel like it used, which means it will be so good that my right leg will start to pump uncontrollably like a puppy’s when it’s having its belly rubbed.

Comments

Silly DGM! Do you see hordes of vasectomized men hurling themselves off tall buildings? No? That should sooth your fears about the mutant discharge methods. All will be back to normal before you know it.

Sorry about the stubble thing, though, man. I'm afraid that's permanent.

You're a freak. A freakin' freak.

You are negligent for not having a "not safe for drinking liquids" warning here.
My keyboard is seeking legal counsel.

Yikes. And Yikes.

A guy I know told me that first time you orgasm after a vesectomy is incredibly painful. Let me know if it's true or not.

Oh, man. I thought I was bullet-proof, but DGM? Too much information!
Thank God you live on the West Coast and I will never have to look you in the eye!

(Get some Burt's Bees shea butter for your privates.)

WARNING! You have to ejaculate at least TEN times before you are given the all clear for sterility!!! This could be the oopsie moment if your not careful, unless you want a BBF II or another little slugger....

Oh and don't forget to take a sample to your doctor to check that all the sailors have left the port. They will give you a certificate for your Tour Of Duty ; )

Just leave the hackysack shaved. Then you won't have to deal with the pricklies. And Hot Wife might want to lick it more if it's smooth all the time.

I'm two-and-a-half weeks out from my procedure, and totally back to normal on all fronts (with the exception of the itchy nutsack).

There was a little discomfort the first two or three times after the procedure, but nothing major. Of course, I couldn't wait the full week the doctor had told me to avoid playing with the new toy. I also tried it out on my own first, because I wasn't sure what to expect and I didn't want my wife to see me crying and curled up in a ball after sex.

But seriously, Danny, if you have more self control than I do you should be fine. Also, Brighton says 10 times, my doctor told me 20, and I've read 30 in various places around the web. If you can get rid of the kids for the weekend, you should be able to get that taken care of, don't you think?

Oy veyyy! Two comments:
a) My heart truly goes out to you over this whole sage but for friggin' sake, try being a woman and be forced to shave every part of yourself at least once in 2 days. THEN feel free to complain
b) Hmm. maybe wait a coupla days before activating your monkey. That way Hotwife wont have to call 911 after love making

The husband said there was certainly 'sting' the first time but honestly, he only told me the day after so its not as if he yelped and passed out in pain.

I suggest keeping the sac shaved and make the shaving sessions a "grown-up special moment" between you and Hot Wife. Big fun!

this is all just plain nuts. i can't believe you had the balls to do this.

Makes you feel sorry for the porn stars with a clean work surface.

I hope the first time isn't too uncomfortable!

Also, a sidenote. I was looking at your photostream on flickr. Beautiful family, first of all, as I've said before. However, I was scrolling back through and after looking at your lovely BBF I saw the cousins picture. You know on the right side where it shows you the previous pic and the next pic. Well, previous pic is you and the peas and next pic is BBF. It looks like she's looking at your pack of peas! lol

Ditto, Wondersis. Ditto.

Also, scrotum is one of the ugliest words in the English language. Scrotum. Yuck.

(When I'm upset I repeat words. Upset.)

Lurker here. I third (or forth) the 20-30 time mark. After my Dad has his little smoke and mirrors experience he forgot this little detail. Forgetting little detail=my sister :)

I once tried to shave it all off~ what a nightmare! My husband complained of ~rug burn~ for a whole week! Plus, he thought it all a tad pre-pubescent looking....

What cate said about flickr.....too funny!

A section of people under the grip of obesity opt for weight loss surgeries with the aim of achieving instant weight loss. But surgeries for weight loss are not healthy options on account of their disastrous side-effects and instead it would better to seek out Phentermine, adipex and other FDA approved diet pills that have comparatively less side-effects. The side-effects of phentermine adipex and other similar medicines disappear within a short while and you would be able to lose weight within a very short while with adipex as adipex is meant only for a short term management of obesity. You just have to buy adipex and administer the medicine in accordance with the instructions of the doctor for quick weight loss. So, order adipex or buy adipex online and transform your weight loss dreams into reality.