If you really want to immerse yourself in the chaotic bedlam of parenthood, it’s hard to beat a children’s music concert. Before I started taking my kids to see Dan Zanes and The Wiggles (Godspeed, Greg) and their accordion-playing brethren, I had seen such an eye-crossing blur of primary colors only once in my lifetime – and that was when I ate a magic mushroom and went to the supermarket to stare at a box of Tide.

We took the kids to another of these shows last weekend, and this event coincided with the onset of a really nasty headcold. While most of the other mommies and daddies were on their feet, dancing around with their children, I sat and wallowed in my malaise. This afforded me the opportunity to concentrate on the lead singer, with his wacky hairdo, and the rest of his band.

At some point during the show, I became acutely aware of the guitar-playing woman at stage left. She was wearing a red dress with a plunging neckline, brown cowboy boots, and a very shiny stud in her left nostril. I felt immediately that this was an odd choice of wardrobe for a children’s concert, but far be it from me to judge another person’s get-up when I have the fashion sense of a color-blind three-year-old.

Toward the latter part of the show, the tempo of the songs began to pick up and the woman in the red dress began to jump and bounce and groove. I noticed this and locked my gaze onto her. Was I seeing what I thought I was seeing? Couldn’t be. I leaned over to Hot Wife and whispered in her ear.

“Dude, I don’t think she’s wearing a bra.”

Hot Wife looked at the woman in the red dress and saw, as I did, that her breasts were flailing wildly with each bounce, swinging to and fro and threatening to escape her dress and slap her in the neck. Also, you could plainly see that she was either very cold or very excited about something (and I think you’re smart enough to deduce what I’m saying there).

“I don’t think so either,” Hot Wife said. But she said with kind of a shrug, as if she didn’t think it was a big deal.

“Don’t you think that’s a little risqué for a kids concert?” I asked.

“I don’t think the kids are looking at her boobs, you big pervert. They’re listening to the music.”

(Pervert? Moi?)

I leaned back again and began to contemplate my wife’s suggestion. I concocted a scenario in my mind that the woman in the red dress was a gift to the fathers in the audience – a provision of some sort of daddy-centric eye candy for the demographic least likely to be appeased by songs about choo-choos and ducks going “quack” and tea parties under the sea. This, I declared to myself, was the equivalent of the waiting room at Nordstrom where they have a TV set to the football games so the men have something to watch while the women shop for skirts and Capri pants and open-toed black pumps.

So even though I was feeling lousy, I convinced Hot Wife that we should probably stay for the 2:00 show, too.

Since the kids were enjoying it so much and all.

Comments

Man, the sacrifices you make for your kids, Danny.
*sniff!*

OMG, I can't wait for my husband to read this one. I swear you two are the same man sometimes!

I think that's a great idea, as long as there's something for the mothers too...

A true pervert would not have waited so long to notice! But I think your tide watching take on all that is totally correct. "Here ya go dad, follow the bouncing balls and sing along." (and pray for a wardrobe malfunction!) I hope you got to see the 2:00 show.

Ditto what Laurie said. And the kids do absolutely notice boobs; my class of seven year olds are the worst at people watching, should hear some of the things that come out of their mouth!

Gah, sorry, LORI. The caffeine hasn't hit me yet. =X

Brings back fond memories of Thundercats on ice. Thunder! Thunder! HO!

Now that's a Wiggles show!

What color were her eyes?

Oh man, that is awesome. A special 'twosome' for the dads! Where was that gift during all my trips to Sesame Street Live!?!?

In the next couple-o-months we'll be attending the first of many many many kiddie concerts. I'll keep my eyes peeled for unbra'd (yeah, so, I made it up) boobies.

You're so bad!

Okay, I'll buy that but what eye candy do the Mommies get?

How are you so funny?

You had me at 'stare at a box of Tide'.

(warning: obligatory chick remark)
Like those boobs were real.

They are pure marketing geniuses.

BTW, what was the name of the band? I'm always on the lookout for new peepshows, I mean kids' music.

Check out www.hellojoe.com. Songs by Joe Scruggs. Music for kids that won't drive you crazy. How can you go wrong with songs like "Rapunzel Got A Mohawk". There is a link so you can listen to samples. This is stuff that will kick Barney and his theme song in the nuts.

The point here is, you wouldn't have had a cold if you had been using zicam. The lady in the red dress was just a program in the matrix anyway, she wasn't real.

Danny

For us guys, DID YOU GET PHOTOS? We would like that. use the cell phone.

I sometimes find myself watching Laurie Berkner videos a little too closely. And forget about those Hi-5 girls on Discovery kids.

Right there with ya Joe. Laurie can get to bouncing about, she is fun to watch, and that Kimmie girl on Hi-5 too. I wonder if they are self conscious about tit ? [pun intended] Good Lord I'm a dirty old man, years before my time!

Yes, very nice the things you put up with for the kids.

We're thinking of seeing the Doodlebops. Please let Moe keep it in his pants.

i haven't been to a kiddie concert yet that didn't make me wish i was dead.

but then again, i've never been to one that featured such a liberated performer.

fun post.

In Québec (French province in Canada) This girl absolutly killed the market. She has the highest father/child ratio in her audience than any other kid's show.

http://www.anniebrocoli.com/

I mean what's to expect from liberal french québec!