Last night at the Ducks game, I made the boneheaded tactical error of buying The Champ a root beer during the first period. I swear that boy has some freakishly tweaked plumbing in his guts because in the middle of the second period he leaned over to me and said, “Daddy, I have to go potty.”

So we went, and because there was a hockey game going on, there was not another soul in that men’s room. The Champ had the place all to himself, which I found unbelievable because there were 17,000 people in that arena, mostly men, mostly with bladders full of $6.75 Bud Lights, and not one of them had to tinkle during the second period.

There is a line in a Counting Crows song: “I can’t remember all the times I’ve tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.” That line came into my head when I saw my son walk up the only urinal in the bathroom that was low-enough for a six-year-old, pull his pants and undies all the way down to his ankles, and do his business with his bare ass swinging in the wind. Soon enough he will lose his innocence and realize that most men don’t do that. They are more modest and covert when they pee. But for now, I think it’s kind of precious that he doesn’t mind dropping trow in a public men’s room.

As The Champ stood there peeing and examining the tiles on the wall in front of him, three goofy and moderately intoxicated frat boys came into the men’s room. They were loud and giggley and behaving in a manner befitting a 21-year-old econ major at a public sporting event. One of the frat boys, the one in the black Ducks jersey and the gray Quiksilver ski cap, saw my son standing there with his butt on display for all to behold. He smiled, and then he did this little gesture with his head. His buddies saw what he was trying to arrange and eagerly joined in.

So these three silly frat boys lined themselves up at the three urinals next to where The Champ was standing. All at once, they unbuttoned their pants and dropped them all the way down to their ankles, just like my son, in what I interpreted as a demonstration of solidarity.

From where I stood, I saw four bare asses all lined up. Three of them were hairy and gross. One of them was bald and cute.

The frat boys looked over at my son and smiled at him, as if to say, “Thanks for showing us how to be cool, little dude.”

I don’t think The Champ even noticed anything unusual about it. To him, that’s just how you pee. And I suppose his obliviousness to the gesture was what made it so damn funny.

I can’t remember all the times I’ve tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.

Comments

That actually made me weepy. Because I guess only parents of boys would understand how cute and sweet that is.

Those guys were great!
Better than teasing him!

that is hilarious!! 21 year old frat boys could have been cruel, so it's actually sweet what they did. Yeah, I know, sounds crazy but that's how it hit me.

My son stopped with the pulling his pants all the way down once he was in first grade. The Kindergarten room had it's own "one person" bathroom. But once he was in the bathroom with all other grades, he understood how it is. LOL

My four year old has taken to using toilet paper to wipe his "pee thing" (kids name for it LOL) off after peeing (instead of shaking it LOL) Guys, don't yell, I did NOT teach him this. LOL He started it all on his own. Well, his 2nd grade brother gave him "the talk"~when you are a big boy and in school you don't do that anymore.

I almost peed my pants when I heard that!!

The funny thing, is I have tried to explain to my 5 year old how to properly pee. He always looks at me innocently and shrugs and says "Daddy, this is way easier". So when we go together, He stands expectantly until I drop trow and stand with my hairy fat ass for all to behold. I keep hoping someone will say something but, alas, no one does. But if they do, I already have some whitty phrases to piss them off (pun intended).

"Hey you use to piss this way, don't lie"

"Would you mind not staring at my ass while I make number 1"

or my personal favorite...

"Maybe you should stop scamming on my spider man under roos and just use the stall."

So much awesome just gone to waste.

That is the cutest and sweetest story. I think I'm going to cry. I wish my sons (ages 19 & 23) were 5 years old again.
Enjoy every precious moment because they grow up way to fast.

Very cool! Too bad you didn't have a camera handy! I'm glad that they joined in instead of saying something smart assed about it! Sometimes people just suprise you!

Holiday joy is everywhere! Even at the piss pot!

That was great..visual was totally there!

My step son is in first grade and he no longer totally drops his pants..but I sure remember when he did..even in the public ladies room, with the door open.

Glad you captured that one on the blog..great memory.

Because of the blog it will live forever. Thank Goodness
Great Story.

Awwwww!

That was really cool of them. "Good on ya" Frat boys. Its truly a Christmas / Hanukkah story for the ages.

That's the sweetest entry you've ever posted. Damn you for making me weep.

I find that Counting Crows lyrics really are applicable to most life situations.

That's AWESOME! Makes the December not so long, doesn't it? And the next year will only get better.

Way to go, Fratboy Cocksuckers!

Where's your Kodak when you need it? Would've made a picture worth a thousand words...

Adorable story! I totally had the visual going.

That was sweet of them to just drop trou instead of making a wise ass comment.

Thanks, Danny. Sometimes it is hard to appreciate stuff like that when you're trying to watch a game, but I think it is great that you took the time to notice.

That is so freaking cute. I wish I could have been there....but only so I could oogle the frat boy butts. 'cause I'm like that.

norman

Way too cute. It just about almost partially makes me want to have a child right here and now. But having a child because he pees with his pants around his ankles is probably not a very good reason, and also kind of creepy and disturbing.

Great story. As a dad of 2 girls, I cringe anytime I have to bring one of them into a men's room, so it's nice to add some humor to a normally frightening atmosphere for me.

That's a great story. Thanks for sharing. Happy Hannukah to you and your family!

Awww.....made me weepy too. I wish my son were that young and innocent again. sniff sniff

Tickets to the game....$$$
Rootbeer at the game ...$$$
That scene in the restroom...Priceless!!!

Too Cute!!!

I love it!

Adorable.

Even though this story contained details about urinals and hairy man butts, it was still a sweet, sweet example of how nice people can be. Happy Hanukkah to you!

I can't believe a story about four bare asses, three frat boys, urinals, and a hockey game almost moved me to tears. I s'pose that just shows what a way you have with words, Danny.

After reading your post yesterday, and thinking about it. Last night I found out some funny things. First off I'm a single mother to a 3 yr old boy, and sometimes the positions I'm get myself in make me feel uncomfortable. For example helping him learn to stand up and pee. I littl awkward. Anyways last night my brother was over and I was discussing your post about dropping your pants and peeing yad yad yad. Well in the meantime I let me little one open a present which was of course sock/underwear. I've shown my son the whole in which I'm sure is used to pee threw, he thinks it's great that his underwear have a whole. Anyways my brother tells me the almost same story as yours my son and his uncle where in the bathroom both using the stand up potties (I'm a woman ok) and my son drops his pants to the floor also, my brother then taps his bare butt. My brother had never shared that story, and after your post and learning the correct way to pee standing up, i'm just so enlightened. Thanks Danny

In an unusual way (as always) you put out yet another sweet post...my husband has so much to look forward to with our son...

That was brilliant - one of those true LOL posts.

Oh the things you miss being a single mother of a boy. My son is 15 now and sometimes I miss his younger years.

Enjoy every moment they go by way to fast.

Now for an equally important topic ... who won the game?

:D

Ahhhhh!

Girls Gone Child is right ... this post is brilliant. I just called my husband and made him read it while I was on the phone with him. Classic. As a parent to a boy child ... I can relate to this and LOVE it.

This is one of the greatest posts ever.

Those frat guys rock.

And you didn't snap a pic with your camera phone??? OMG, that would have been too funny!

...am I a dork for being weepy over that too?

Seriously, weepy.

I hate you for that.

BUT...I do adore you for reminding me to not get so freaked out about my little guy not even WANTING to pull his own pants down to pee. Because soon, he's not going to want me in that bathroom.

Too soon, dammit.

That was a great post, makes you feel good about people. It also reminded me of a story from my family. When I was younger my brother came home and told us that his friend had taught him this great trick. He said that they were standing at the urinals and his friend had his hands up behind his head (picture the typical laid back, hands clasped position) and when my brother asked him what he was doing his friend casually says "if you don't touch it you don't have to wash your hands" (these boys were 6-7 y/o) I was only 9 or 10 at the time but that story has made me chuckle every time I think of it. It's funny the things little boys (and little big boys for that matter) come up with.

Dang I wish you would have snapped a photo on your cell phone or something! Very cute story - thank you for sharing that!

Probably none of my business but isn't this illegal?

Very funny post as always. That's twice you've mentioned the Counting Crows which only adds to the already high regard I have for your site. You're like the Seinfeld of parenting. You notice all the small things and find the humour in it. I've enjoyed reading your blog for months now..keep em coming!

Heh, what a fantastic story. Makes me respect college boys again. Too bad you didn't have a camera.

Wait, no...scratch that. I mean, not SCRATCH. Oh hell, forget I was ever here.

that is great. when i first read the part about the frat boys, i wasnt sure what to expect, but that was great. thanks for sharing

As a single mom of a son who is only 5 months old I found this sooo funny. Thoughts of teaching my boy how to pee standing up brings chuckles. Your little champ with his little cheeks displayed proudly made me laugh out loud.

Happiest of holidays,
Bellalagoo

Not all frat boys are like those knuckleheads that appeared in the Borat Movie. Those guys in the restroom at the hockey game typify what real fraternity brothers are. Looking to have a good time no matter where. As a Sigma Pi Brother I am proud of my fellow Greeks!

I know you have a life but I am dying here. Can we get something new?

So fricken cute man. Kids are amazing. I wish you could just bottle it and keep it forever...

My 2 year old Sprite of Fury for the longest time has watched me pee. Out of lazyness to keep him out, and in an effort to train him for the inevitable day when he too stands at the porceline. He likes to get real close and point at "Daddys tinckle" and remind me that "Daddy go potty". But recently, everything has become a possesion of his own. So what once was "Daddys tinckle" now becomes "Gaige's tinckle"... How long I wonder before I take him to a public restroom, and he stands real close to a stranger urinating, points at his junk, and proclaims it his....

Kids are so frikken amazing.