I dressed like a total schlump for work today: jeans, gray hooded sweatshirt, Nikes. I was also rocking a nice five o’clock shadow, wearing the same socks I wore yesterday and was, by 9 a.m., completely hopped-up on Diet Coke. I dress this way when I have no one to impress and when I know the day will be nothing but ass-in-the-chair, fingers-on-the-keyboard, this-shit-was-due-last-week output.

The only interesting accessory I could locate to add some pizzazz to my ensemble was the bitchen iPod I won in a raffle last week. It’s about the size of a postage stamp and it holds an entire gig of the dogshit music I like. So I clipped my little iPod to the pocket on the front of my sweatshirt and listened to Counting Crows, Coldplay and the Dave Mathews Band – which are, it can be argued, the modern day equivalents of Air Supply, Spandau Ballet and Men Without Hats.

At about 11 a.m., all of the Diet Coke I’d been guzzling caught up with me. I felt that familiar tickle just north of my junk – the one that says, “Homey, you had better didi mao to the john before all urinary hell breaks loose.” But I was swamped, trying to get copy for a 20-page website to a client before 3:00.

So I ran to the, ahem, “water closet” and approached the urinal WITH MY HEADPHONES ON. (Trust me on this one: you haven’t lived until you’ve taken a piss to Bob Dylan singing “It’s a-hard, and it’s a-hard, and it’s hard. And it’s a hard rain’s gonna fall.”)

About five seconds into my “evacuation,” I looked down and saw that the cord from my iPod headphones was dangling right in the middle of my urine stream.

Who the fuck does that? Who pees on an iPod? I’ve looked at the literature that came with the iPod and it says “for optimum performance, soak this thing in piss” exactly NOWHERE!

Anyway, yeah. I’ve got an iPod for sale. Super cheap. Only been used once. Text me.

Comments

I'll totally take your IPeed and affectionately call it IPeed outloud in public. And, if anyone should ask, I will explain exactly how I acquired it from an uberfamous BlogCelebrity who tinkled on it while listening to Bob Dylan.

So does it smell more like pee or like Diet Coke?

Dude, urine is sterile. It won't hurt you.

The thing about a Shuffle (at least the "first generation" ones that were about the size of a pack of Wrigley's gum) is that you can't reverse or fast forward within a song. Hmmm.

Little story about my Shuffle: I won one about a year ago. Earlier this year, I started using it to listen to educational materials (teleseminars, etc.) in my car, using a casette adapter (yes, I have a casette player in my car).

About a month ago, I drove to an evening event bout 25 minutes away, listening to the Shuffle. On the way back, it was pouring rain, so I decided not to listen, opting instead to concentrate fully on the road. However, as I was driving down the highway, I heard a strange "bump, bump" against the car every few seconds . . . .

The next morning, my husband called me outside. There was my poor shuffle, hanging from the adapter cord, which was closed in the driver's side door.

On the outside, the shuffle was barely bruised. I dried it out and charged it but, alas, the constant banging at 60 mph had been too much for it, and it was truly dead . . .

Since I don't need a high-capacity or fancy player, I went with a SanDisk Sansa 512 mb player as a replacement. I can fast-forward and rewind within tracks, plus it has a radio and voice recorder and a backlit screen. Oh, and it's about half the price of a Shuffle.

DGM, I loooove your blog, boogers and all but seriously, Dave Matthews?? Ewww. You have questionable musical tastes....and Snow Patrol wins Coldplay anytime!

xoxo

Nice.

Wonder why don't they come with a warning, much like the 'Hot' warning on take-away coffee cups?

I have always wondered who the people were that need these. Now I know. Thank you.

I accidentally ran mine through the washer and dryer and it still works fine. I don't think a little pee is going to hurt it.

Just wipe it off. God, men are such babies!!

Yes, "urine is germ free", as said our "pee-diatrician" when my son at 4 weeks old peed all over his tie... Thanks for the laugh this morning DGM!

Ahhh Snow Patrol!!

As for your iPod, you should get a new one. Seriously. Pee. Ugh.

Nice. It's ok, you can wash it.

2nd gen iPods rock. I haven't killed mine yet, nor even peed on the cords and I've had it a whole 4 days.

Ditto on the "wipe it off and get over it" theme....you'll be fine, really.

This is where peeing sitting down comes in handy.

BWAH!

I never thought I'd hear myself say this: but we women got better "peeing" cards I think.

dude. Your musical taste deserves what it gets.

Since you just peed on the cord get you some new earbuds if you're that squeamish. I got the Sansa player as well but I still call it an iPod.

ROFLMAO!! It's alright...it'll be ok...honest. Now if someone says..."Ewwe what's the smell", as you walk by you can say.. "Hey dude it's not me... it's my iPod."

I can't stop laughing. I think I'm gonna pee....

No you didn't. LOL! Buy a new cord on ebay...1.99 dude. Yuck.

Sweet.

I thought I was the only douchebag who did shit like that.

Cracks me up!

i think tammy was referring to a song(not sure of title) that goes like this "eeewww that smell, cant ya smell that smell, the smell of death is all around you."

I cut my earphone cable in half with my garden shears the other day while gardening.

It took about five minutes for me to work out why the music had stopped.

Lisa--the first gen iPod shuffles can fast forward and rewind within songs just fine. You only have to hold down the forward and back buttons. A quick click will skip to the next song, but a click-and-hold will either fast forward or rewind.

I am sorry about the loss of your 'pod, though.

You can dance if you want to! You can leave your cares behind! Cause if you're friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, well they're, no friends of mine! Hey!