Why Indeed?
My daughter, The Artist Formerly Known As Barney’s Biggest Fan, has entered that familiar phase of childhood where every sentence spoken is a question?
“Daddy, why do you have to go to work?”
“Daddy, why is chocolate milk brown?”
“Daddy, why does mommy fart all the time?”
I remember when her older brother was immersed in this phase. At first I thought his inquisitiveness was cute, but as time wore on and I had to explain every pore of my life and human behavior and why strawberry Pop-Tarts have those little colored sprinkles on top, I became annoyed and I wanted to send him away to live with carnies.
I am now reaching that stage with my daughter. But instead of getting frustrated, I’m trying to come up with creative answers for her. My logic (which is a word that has no business being associated with a three-year-old girl) is that she will learn that she can’t get a straight answer from, which will therefore stop her from badgering me incessantly.
I was in the shower this morning when she came in and started her investigation anew.
“Daddy, why is your soap green?”
“Because it’s not purple.”
“Daddy, why do you shave all the time?”
“Because my face wants me to.”
“Daddy, is that your penis?”
I pause. I’m speechless. I’m naked.
“Yes, honey. It’s mine.”
“Oh,” she says. “Why is it little?”
Now that just hurts. Have you ever been mocked by a kid who weighs like four pounds and only comes up to your thigh? Not fun.
“Because it’s still sleeping," I said. "Go see mommy."
I'm speechless.
Come on! I would have given yourself more credit than that!!
"`cause I lost a good hunk of it in the war!"
"It's not little honey, that's as big as they get."
"`cause mommy doesn't water it enough."
"Don't look at it or a bunny will die!"
Hope all is well with you. (ya know aside from the little ones pokin' fun at your privates.)
Too funny.........go see your mother.....
wow. good thing I was eating and not drinking.. my monitor is safe if not my lungs. too funny!
I knew a child that was stuck on just "why", nothing more, no "why is the sky blue?", just "why". That was bad.
My daughter asked me the other day while we were in the shower (she's 4) why I had big boobies. I told her that they get bigger when you grow up and hers would grow just like mine did. She replied, "You mean I will grow up but my boobies will grow down?"
Yeah, that hurts.
Because there was shrinkage...like a frightened turtle!
Our daughter walks in on husband all the time in the shower and just points and screams (mind you she is only 14mths old but still - I guess it's better than laughing).
That's great!
My daughter told me a few weeks ago: "Mommy, I don't like your boobies...they hang!"
Love you too hun.
snicker, snort, giggle!
Funny stuff. Our 8 year old recently came up with a song I thought you might like:
Joy to the world!
Barney is dead!
We barbequed his head!
What happened to his body?
We flushed it down the potty
And round and round it went
And round and round it went
And roouunnd And roouunnd
And round it went
snicker
That is just about too funny!!! Gotta loves those 3 yr olds :)
"Because your mom isn't a morning person."
BRILLIANT answer!
Be glad yours is not pierced (at least not that you have ever mentioned)- my husband did not anticipate being grilled incessantly when he got his PA...if he had known how humiliating it is for a four year old to tell him that the ring in his "boy tootie" is "silly" i doubt he would have gotten it done.
Good God, man! What's she comparing it too?
At 26 years old, I'm still discovering lies my father told me when I was a child. At least it's entertaining. Make her life a journey of discovery too!
My daughter asked me once if her dad's ****** (it's a family word for the female body part and I'm too humiliated to actually use it in print) was broken.
I just told her yes.
OKAY... That was the funniest blog I have read in awhile... And I'd like to give an honorable mention to the comments...
Oh My Gosh!!
I am laughing out loud at work right now!! Thanks for the silly distraction!
FUNNY STUFF!!
At least she's not asking you why you have boobs.
I had the opposite experience with my son when he was 15 months old and couldn't speak well. He was in the bathroom with me and suddenly stopped what he was doing when I got out of the shover. He pointed with his hand at my penis and sad, with eyes wide open, "WOW!"
Made me feel really good. Until I realized he was probably comparing to his own penis. Then I felt normal again.......
Nice weekend
AD
Mine are doing the question thing too. It's driving me to drink.
At first I tried to answer each why as accurately as I could, but now I say things like "Why not?" or "That isn't my butt."
DGM - I read your comments, deafened by the sound of Hot Wife's silence when it came to defending your penis. I expected her to say "oh, don't believe my husband. You know only huge men would have the courage to publicize a story about having a small penis" or "it might seem small, but its a ratio thing. Even 10 inches would look small on a man as tall as Danny.". But then I remembered that you had just slammed her in an international blog by claiming (falsely, I presume) that she has serious gas issues. It wouldn't surprise me if she got really pissed and wrote a story about how "DGM" is really an acronym for "Danny's Genitals are Microscopic.".
Its not so bad for me, except when we are at the public pool and they make comments about the body parts of others, in what they think is a whisper
ROFLMAO... toooooooo funny! Now I know why my husband won't let the kids see him nakid, lolol
Good to know she is inclined to be discriminating in that regard. Maybe you'll sleep easier when she's a teenager...
I actually just snorted that was so funny!
HAHAHA! My brother likes to say "I'm proud of my 4 inches...but some chicks don't like it that wide."
Ouch! They know where to hit you, huh? Whenever mine says something nasty about me, I always remember that one blessed time when he told me very seriously "Mommy, if I was you I would walk around naked all the time". I choose to take that as the ultimate boy my mom is so good-looking naked compliment, despite all evidence to the contrary.
" Go see Mommy" is the best answer to many, many questions.
Many.
i rather like "why do you think...insert question here"
they seem perfectly happy mostly to make up their own reason.
You do realize you're turning off a lot of men who are thinking of having kids, right?
Hilarious! I love TAFKABBF.
Ha!
But I am a little concerned because Newfie's Woman hasn't weighed in on this one.
Can someone go check on her?
Oh man, I'm going to enjoy parenthood! If our kid starts badgering me, I'll simply tell them, "Go ask your father."
Especially if he's in the shower.
That's too funny. My third child is just reaching that age, and let me tell you, it never does get any easier to answer the neverending questions.
Get this book for later
http://www.amazon.com/Come-Every-Science-Questions-Explained/dp/1563053241/sr=1-1/qid=1166465905/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-7721068-0379144?ie=UTF8&s=books
Um, I hate to break it to you, but I'm 24 now and I STILL call my dad with all the "why" questions. Mind you, now they're the "why can't I find a job" questions, but they still involve the ever popular "why".
Y'know, if TAFKABBF isn't getting it that you're telling her lies, perhaps it would be more satisfying to do the old mother trick - answer her question with a question. That leaves the door WIDE open for turning the tables....and think about the kinds of comebacks you could use for the 'winkie' question....it boggles the mind!
Fuck me, how does a 3 year old know what a penis is. What do they teach them in pre-school these days. Whatever happened to Barbie Dishwashers and Stoves....