Advertising people work in the dark heart of humanity because we try to get people to buy things they might not need by convincing them our product is to their lives what Renee Zellwegger was to Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire. It completes them. Without it, their lives aren’t even worth living. And everyone’s doing it so don’t you want to do it too, lest you be viewed by others as uncool and lame? So yes, we in the ad biz are all scumbags.

(Wanna buy a t-shirt? It will make you feel whole again. And if you don’t have one, it’s pretty obvious to the rest of us that you are a catastrophic failure as a human being, if not the devil himself. So you really have two options: buy the fucking t-shirt or guzzle a bottle of Drano and wait for the burn. Your call.)

The sordid world of advertising’s only real charm lies in the fact that it has a vocabulary all its own. The lexicon of this industry is replete with words no mortal human being would understand: comps and vectors and full bleeds, oh my! But beyond that, we get to make up new words on the fly and they stick because, shit, we get to decide what other people think. That's our job. But sometimes the words and phrases we invent are so patently absurd that there is no recourse but to roll our eyes and snort with laughter.

I was discussing a new print ad for one of our clients the other day with some colleagues. Once the messaging had been established – “If you don’t buy this video game, you’re a poor, pathetic mama’s boy who wouldn’t know fun if it stuck its hand down your throat and pulled out your spleen.” – we started to talk about the design of the ad. During the brainstorming, one of our designers said this:

“I think we need a box shot.”

“Yeah,” another one said. “A box shot. Definitely.”

I started to laugh. They mean a picture of the video game box. But that’s not how I hear it.

“What’s so funny, Danny?”

“You mean you don’t know?” I asked. “Honestly?”

“No, we don’t. Please enlighten us, o wise one.”

“To me, there is something pornographic about the term ‘box shot,’” I say. “Sounds dirty.”

Blank stares. Long pause.

I continue.

“You guys have obviously heard the term ‘money shot,’ have you not?”

The new intern speaks up, says she’s never heard that term. “What does that mean?” she asks.

“Well,” I say, “I’d tell you but we’re tip-toeing very close to the sexual harassment line. Let’s just say it’s a term used regularly in the porn industry.”

“Oh,” she says. She turns red.

“Wait a sec,” the designer says. “You’re saying ‘box’ means vagina, aren’t you? And so a ‘box shot’ would mean a picture of someone’s snatch?”

“Something like that,” I say. “I have a dirty mind.”

So guess what. Everybody is running around the office now saying “box shot” with chilling frequency, sometimes completely out of context. It’s a comfort for me to know that my sick little brain can have such a resoundingly positive effect on those around me.

Next week, I’ll see if I can get them to work the term “Dirty Sanchez” into their conversations.

Comments

Have fun explaining the Dirty Sanchez on the next post....LOL Hilarious!!!

I work in an ad agency too, in Chicago.

I love taking words we just made up, using them in a client meeting and having the clients wag their heads like they're "with it" and know exactly what we're talking about.

People who coin ad and corporate speak share a special place in hell.

I think getting the word "fluffer" in there somewhere could be just as funny.

Thank God for Urban Dictionary! Dirty Sanchez - NICE :)

Fluffer and Donkey Punch would be good words to get in...

After Dirty Sanchez definitely comes Donkey Punch!!!!!!! Oh and Rusty Trombone - I like that one too.

Yes, and let's not forget my personal favorite: Dogs In The Bathtub.

I have often considered going into business marketing myself as "The Perversion Patrol." One of our local casinos really could have used me a year ago when they rolled out this jingle:

"We're willing to bet that the action you get is the reason that you come!!!"

You can't MAKE this shit up!

Trish

Don't forget the Angry Dragon. When a man is ejaculating during oral sex and the performers mouth is full of baby juice, slap her on both checks at the same time and watch it come out the nose and mouth.

Ditto..I don't know what I would do w/out Urban Dictionary. My husband wonders how I'm so "withit"

One of my favorite sayings from back in my days of prowling the strip clubs was "Be sure to tip your dancers - they're working hard to keep you that way!"

I'm fond of the Abe Lincoln. Not doing it, just how funny the idea is. How does one not know what a money shot is?

OK, it is my first visit here and I'm already leaving multiple comments. Ugh, like I don't have enough blogs to love already! :)

This is so freaking funny. I'm going to start using this phrase and claim it as my own!

Bossy thinks it's important to be responsible for at least three inappropriate workplace sayings a week.

You've always got the angry pirate, that was my husbands fantasy football name.

LOL! It sounds like you guys have a lot of fun at work...

We used to call it a "Bin Shot"

You're so my personal hero.

I can't believe you had to explain "box shot" to your co-workers. (Or is my mind really that dirty by nature? Uh, don't answer that.)

Reminds me of an episode of Beauty & the Geek where NONE of the geeks had heard the slang term, "booty." They all thought it referred to PIRATE'S booty.

The clencher was when one geek said, "Booty — to me, that means pirate's treasure. That's the first thing that comes to my mind. But she explained to me that that means, actually, sexual intercourse, and a lot of things started clearing up because I'm a big rap fan."

Nice! She seriously didn't know what a money shot was huh? LOL Oh it would have been great to see the look on her face. After reading the title of the post I couldn't stop thinking about Justin Timberlake with his "dick in a box!" ROFL!

OMG!! I am dying over here. I have read your site for awhile, but never commented...I couldn't resist this one. How sad that I had to ask my husband what a dirty sanchez was - he sent me here.....http://www.encyclopedia-of-sex.com and now I know more about sex terminolgy than I ever, EVER needed to know!!!!

Glad to know I'm not the only one who gets immature and giggly when they hear the word box. And that's why I have to leave the room when the video for Laurie Berkner's "Magic Box" comes on Noggin. Especially when she sings "My magic box has wings."

I can so relate to you. What about when my company says "set-top box" or " box". Hilarious.

Next time you are taking lunch orders, ask if anyone wants a Hot Carl. That should be good for a few days of giggles.

I prefer the Roman Helmet...

Yeah...uh...that's an image I'd like NOT to have as I drift off to sleep. It reminds me of something I heard about the actor Danny Thomas...and the term "Hot Karl".

German creative presenting photograph to (English) client. Photograph is of a garden. Client would like to make some changes. "You can change anything, but don't touch my bush", says the German.

27 year old account person presenting a commercial. Account person is confused about some basic wank advertising language; for e.g., the last bit of a commercial, where you show the product and all of that, is usually known as an "endframe". But there is confusion, for she presents the ad and gleefully squeaks "And now for the money shot!".

Any excuse to tell those stories, even if they're not really relevant.

Going from something relatively innocuous like "box shot" to "dirty Sanchez" is WAY too quick. May I suggest something that sounds a little cleaner: feltch (also: feltching, feltcher). Suggested use:"Johnny is such a feltcher. I can believe how he sucks up to the boss.".

DGM readers: please vote on Dirty Sanchez vs. Feltch.

LMFAO....A few years ago Tide laundry detergent had a commercial on TV here in Toronto. The copy on the TV read, "Tide Asked Canadians.", but the guy narrating it, I swear it sounded like he was saying....."Tight Assed Canadians." They changed it very quickly

Congratulations, DGM, you just made me miss life in an ad agency for the first time in 3 years.

I shudder to think of who will be brought to this site after this post. There's a veritable gold mine of keywords here.

DGM - was this post just a way to get us to forget the softer side you portrayed in your interview? ;)

I must have a really dirty mind too because I thought the exact same thing when I read "box shot" the fact that you had to explain it, made me laugh even harder.

Ask them if they know what feltching is (no I have never done it!!!) Ewww!!!!

too funny! and the timing is perfect. I have a 20 year old son who just discovered how funny reading craiglist's ads can be. He came to the dinner table on Sunday and asked what "rimming" was. I didn't know how to explain it so my quick thinking (and oh so handsome) boyfriend went to the www.urbandictionary and printed out the definition. It's amazing what passes for dinner conversation these.

I learned a new word from Craigslist (shut up, I was just reading Best Of): tribbing.

Yeah, look that one up and work it into a client pitch. Ha!

This little soccer mom knew exactly why you snickered when I read it. :) I would have thought the same thing.

I once strapped a helmet camera to my parents' cat and dubbed it the pussycam. Unfortunately I was the only one laughing, which was most likely due to the fact that this was in Europe and something was definitely lost in translation. Quite possibly a good thing.