Almost all of my personal writing lately has explored the existential somersaults and attitudinal gyrations that seem to be a natural part of fatherhood. As much as the macho dudes among us would like to claim otherwise, becoming a dad and living with children turns us inside out. We find ourselves doing and thinking things the old, bachelor versions of ourselves would view as softness or weakness, if not as a complete affront to The Man Code.

The fact is I’ve been a parent for almost seven years, and I’ve long since ceased to be surprised or disturbed by the awkward moments. You get used to it. You learn to convince yourself that this is the life you wanted, these are the things a dad is supposed to do, this is what fatherhood looks like. Still, there are times when the reality of what I’ve become comes back at me with a vengeance. It reminds me of the way it feels to walk out of the conditioned air of a Vegas casino and into the 120-degree desert heat.

Last night I (voluntarily) accompanied my wife and kids to a friend’s house to watch the world premier of oh my gah-id High School Musical 2. For the uncultured, the HSM phenomenon is to this generation what Animal House, Grease and Sixteen Candles were those that preceded it. The only difference really is that HSM is fueled by the Disney machine, meaning any retail outlet you’re near during the next month or two, be it online or a physical structure, the banner ads and end caps will scream at you to buy The Official High School Musical 2 t-shirt, DVD, soundtrack, backpack, toothbrush, urinal burger, vacuum cleaner bags, microphone-shaped lollipops and pink sex lube.

There was a sobering moment during the night where I caught myself starting to like the movie, which is completely unacceptable for a 37-year-old man. I felt as though I was in one of those medieval torture devices in which n’er-do-wells we simultaneously pulled from their arms and their feet. I was held at the top by The Man Code, which clearly shuns enjoyment of any activity involving teenagers wearing pink and singing happy songs about love and frolicking about with nary a care in the world.

But my feet were held by life as it exists for me now. The kids, the things that bring them joy, their enthusiasm for things like…like… teenagers wearing pink and singing happy songs about love and frolicking about with nary a care in the world.

It’s funny. Earlier today I was writing about my first three months as a father, which was probably the most difficult period of my parental existence. The kids are next to nothing in the first 12 weeks; they demand to be fed and changed and to have these needs addressed whenever they feel like it, even 3 a.m. In return for your effort you get a steady diet of “fuck you”, which comes in the form of dirty diapers and incessant crying and sour-smelling spit-up in the front pocket of the shirt you intend to wear to work.

Those memories are faint. I feel so attached to my kids now, so connected and proud. We have conversations about everything, and about nothing at all, and what I learn at such times is that I’m an extraordinarily fortunate human being.

So yes, I’ll sit and watch High School Musical 2 with my children because they like it. And while I’m not quite prepared to say I liked it too, I'll tell you this: if being “a real man” means missing the chance to see my kids as happy as they were last night, I’ll gladly turn in my testicles. I’m not using them anymore anyway.

Comments

I, for one, will be exchanging my testicles for one o' them High School Musical 2 urinal burgers. I guess I'm not "a real man" either, and that's OK.

And just think, we get to experience our children's happiness another 14,000 times in reruns this month!

I wish, when I became a parent for the first time, that someone could have handed me a business card that said "The next six months are going to suck ass but you'll thank God you're a parent in the long run."

My first will be six months old in a few days, and I'm not sure what you're talking about. I am having a great time with him! You mean this gets even better?

Score!

We're still stuck in the throes of "Toopy and Binoo" over in my world. Sounds like High School Musical is a little more fun. However, I would watch 10 minutes of Toopy and Binoo every night for the rest of my life if it meant that my kids were healthy, happy and safe right beside me.

"...I’ll gladly turn in my testicles. I’m not using them anymore anyway."

Zingers like that are why I continue to read. By the way, coffee is much less palatable when it comes flying out of one's nose. Thanks much for the laugh.

I had to revoke MY dads Man card for a week..

I caught him watching Oprah and HSM2 on the same day...

I was so ashamed..

Watching HS2 with your kids must be the ultimate in parental commitment. I salute you, mon capitan!

I'm with Schmikey... The Squeaker turns 6mos today (!) and it has been the greatest experience.

And I've managed to keep my testicles intact... well, at least my wife lets me take them out occasionally :-)

God only knows what it says about me that I'm 31 years old, married but no kids, and I voluntarily stayed home on Friday night to watch HSM2!?!?! At least you have children to justify your viewing. I have no excuse other than I like the pop music and the big dance numbers. "What time is it? Summer time. It's our vacation!"

Pink sex lube?? What scene was that in?

it was a major family event at our house friday night. my daughter was gaga over the first one for at least 6 months before i ever watched it. secretly, i was resisting because i knew i would be hooked once i saw the musical numbers-i'm a sucker for 'dance theater'.
what blew me away, though, was her singing the songs to HSM2 already! she's been listening to too much radiodisney.

Urinal burger??? haha I was with you up to that point. I'm a little scared to google that to find out what it is.

But - gah - HS Musical UNO was awesome. Not sure yet on the sequel. I loved the baseball scene - tell me that was the part that caught your fancy??

Don't worry brother, you'll eventually get your Man Card back. My girls are 21 and 24 and I've exchanged Pony Tails and Care Bears for helping them paint for beers and pizza and golf with my son in law.Why just this weekend I went to Spamalot (Monty Python's Holy Grail in musical form)with them. Jokes about farting and fighting, and songs with girls dancing in bikinies. How much better does it get then that? And if you're an advocate of the Al Bundy school of parenting you can look forward to taking you son to his first strip joint. Doesn't get much manlier then that. ;)

My Alice is too young to appreciate HSM but my niece helped me fall in love with it over the summer. I have to agree with Linda, though. HSM2 was kinda weak in comparison.

BTW - it still won't keep me from buying the soundtrack.

I hope you also got a chance to watch the HS2 SING ALONG (as in KARAOKE style) on Sunday....because once a weekend is just not enough (thank goodness we have plenty of reruns to watch too!!)

Haha, OMG, LOL, love this blog!

Haha, OMG, LOL, love this blog!

Haha, OMG, LOL, love this blog!

Sweet post. As the mother of two boys, I have the same feelings regarding rockets, Spiderman, poop jokes, and fishing.

Well, maybe not the fishing.

Oh, and 'round these parts, we call them urinal PUCKS. Not as big of a hockey fan as you thought, now are you? ;)

I was in the mom-mobile minivan the other day running errands with my kids and my nieces and nephew. A very sad occurrance happened. All FIVE kids were singing along to the HSM soundtrack. What's worse? I WAS ALSO SINGING ALONG! Thanks for reminding me that there are people just as nuts as me somewhere out there.

I love your post about the vasectomy - sometimes I laugh so hard at your writing that I cry! Thanks for adding some joy to my day and confirming what my husband won't admit - that guys aren't as clueless as their wives think!

I watched part of HSM2 in the hotel over the weekend, just so I would be ready to discuss it with The Daughter when I got back in town. I somehow knew that she'd have already memorized every song and plot point, so I had to be prepared.

My neighbor had a HSM2 movie party in her backyard. Yeah, I went, too, but only because my wife went, and it would be the only time I could spend any time with her since I had to work the next day. My two oldest teenage sons stayed home, though. They knew it would wussify them. It was the most painful two hours I've ever spent. I would've gladly undergone a fourth spinal surgery had I known.