Busted
Although he is one of the stronger players on his team, my son is not immune from encountering the ire of his baseball coaches. Coach Trevor stopped practice three times Wednesday afternoon to bark at my son, not because of a misplay or a strikeout, but because the boy feels as though he has a right to tell his teammates what to do.
“Hey!” Trevor shouted from across the field. “Do you want to coach this team? Because it’s the coach, not the player, who is supposed to tell the team where to throw the ball. OK? So unless you think you can be the coach, close your mouth.”
I felt for Trevor at that moment. I know this struggle. And if you promise not to tell him I said so, I’ll tell you I kind of enjoyed watching my son get busted. Is that so wrong?
You see, my son’s proclivity for telling others what to do isn’t isolated to the baseball diamond. At Evans World Headquarters, he behaves as though he is an adjunct parent to his younger sister. When Hot Wife or I scold our daughter for her one of her many variations of malfeasance and misbehavior, he’s always there to punctuate our reprimands with a comment of his own. Like so:
Me: “…and the next time I say you can have 10 M&Ms, you may have no more than 10 – certainly not the whole bag. If you can’t follow the rules, you’re going to be in big, big trouble, young lady.”
Him: “Yeah. Besides, M&Ms will give you cavities, and then you’ll to have to go see Dr. Novocain again and get a whole bunch of shots in your gums.”
Me (turning my attention to him): “Don’t you have some parked cars to chase?”
I haven’t yet consulted with BabyShrink for a clinical explanation why my son feels the need or the freedom to supplement (if not altogether subvert) his parents, coaches and teachers, but believe me when I tell you I have tried valiantly to break him of this habit. I’m at a loss. So while a solution to this inconvenience is still pending, I’m choosing to step back and let myself enjoy the show.
Not sure if this is a character flaw or a common human phenomenon, but I have always derived great pleasure from watching other people get busted. It’s why I love to watch COPS on TV, why I like to sit near the penalty box at hockey games, and why I wanted to have kids in the first place. I needed someone to bust.
When Coach Trevor and Coach Chris halted practice Wednesday to reprimand my son for ordering his teammates around, I snickered on the inside. I know he’s my kid and I love him like crazy and laughing at him makes me an asshole of the highest order, but I think I was just happy that I wasn’t the one being scolded.
All together now, “Bad boy, bad boy. Whatchu gonna do? Whatchu gonna do when they come for you?”
I think it's an older child thing. Both my husband and I are the oldest in our family and we both find ourselves bossing others around quite a bit. That said, I can understand how annoying it is when I'm on the receiving end, so I try to stop myself whenever possible.
It's a big sister/big brother thing. And I honestly believe it doesn't go away until said sibling has their own kids to boss around..or wife/husband anyway. Good luck breaking him of it, I hated getting in trouble for being the bossy kid, but I was number 5 of 6, and only had one opportunity as a child to be the boss, so I did it full time to my younger brother!
I have twin boys. They love to throw in their commentary when I am scolding their sibling. Sometimes it is not the FACT that they do it that bothers me as much as the lame content of it. For example, they are three, so a lot of it consists of "and you are a baby-head too!".
WTF is a "baby-head"? It's downright embarassing. I almost pray for a "Yea, dumbass! And clean your room too!" instead of the wimpy "baby-head" from the cheap seats.
LMAO. My 8 yr old son is pretty bossy as well as argumentative verging on the side of being an asshole. We believe he'd make an excellent lawyer. My husband has had to talk to him repeatedly about the fact that the umpire is always right during Little League games...even when the umpire is wrong...and that he can never argue with him...EVER.
And I get a certain pleasure out of witnessing people get busted, too. I guess it's "a common human phenomenon" as you said.
Haha. I wish I could say I have no idea what you're talking about, but sadly, I was your son during childhood. I had two younger brothers to boss around, and honestly, if you want to delve into the psychological implications of this characteristic in your child, it just felt GOOD to tell others where to hop off. And how. And why.
I'm sure he'll grow outta it eventually. In the meantime, let him enjoy his power trip of enjoying telling his sister how many cavities she can be expecting.
My pre-teen (oh god help me almost thirteen) son is probably the bossiest person I've ever met. Everywhere. To everyone. I think the only two people he doesn't try to boss around are his daddy and his grandma.
I agree, its definitely an older child thing. I used to do that to my little brother all the time when we were younger. He'll grow out of it, but that doesn't solve the inconvenience for you now.
He probably gets it from his Aunt Wondersis!
Another older sibling here, and one who was seriously guilty of this. But I truly and honestly believed that I was helping my parents out when I lectured my sister. I figured that if I said it I would save them the trouble of saying it.
But now I realize how frustrating it is because my son does it, even when I'm talking to his father... Needless to say, my husband is less than amused.
Now I know where my son is when he's out of my sight. Clearly you temporarily kidnap him and take him to your baseball practices (though it hasn't yet resulted in anything I'd call on-field prowess). I have that exact experience weekly at LL games. Plus, I also have the pleasure of seeing him seek VENGEANCE!!! whenever a teammate wrongs him somehow - like by beating him to the ball (heaven forbid). It's at those moments I turn to the coach and apologize - "I love my son. But he's kind of a dick."
I used to boss my sister (6 years younger) around like nobody's business (except mine-- everything is my business), and it didn't help that I was asked to babysit a lot and so then I WAS the boss of her.
My son is 4 and he does the same thing to his sister at 15 months. I try to ride that fine line of encouraging him to let us know when she might be dying, asserting himself like any other kid would, and trying to be my underappreciated middle manager.
"Bad boy, Bad Boy, whatcha you gonna do when they come for you"
You are hillarious. I also think its a big brother thing and somehow he feels that his input is needed when little sis gets in trouble or when his teamates are not paying attention to their practice. Are you the bossy type?
Yet another older sibling here. Bossiness comes with the first born title. Just ask my little sister and brother :) (Send sympathies for my brother - he grew up with 2 bossy older sisters!) My son has definitely inherited the bossy gene - that's why I stopped at one and am not having any more! I get enough of the "he started it/but he told me to/i didn't do it he did/no i told you to do it like THIS" when he has his friends over for sleepovers.
It's very refreshing to hear other parents call their children evil names. I mumble under my breath "what a pppprrrriiicckkk" my 10 year old son is to his 7 year old sister on an almost daily basis. Even his daycare provider nicknamed him the "dictator" when he was 3. Love your blog.
Yep, my son chimes in like that all the time, too. I'm continually reminding him that his sister already has a set of parents. I would've taken joy in the 'busting,' too!
I'm the oldest child. I do not remember doing this. I'm sure my parents remember differently. I see this among my kid's friends and it drives me nuts, so I don't mind seeing them get told to shut it.
I remember my Trevor phase. Instead of on the field, though, I chose to show my ass in the classroom. When my fifth grade teacher scolded the class for less than satisfactory test scores, I responded with the reproachful "Hem, hem, not I..." If I had a time machine, I'd go back and kick my own ass.
Wait till he's 14 and tells you how to drive...
Seriously, we might have the same son. He thinks he's an adult, 5 going on 15 - at least. When we tell him how to do something, he almost always replies with "Well, actually..." and then tells us how to do it better. I've even heard him calling one of his younger brothers "son" and telling him to go clean up his room.
[sigh]
Let me know if BabyShrink has the cure. WE NEED A CURE.
It's just a kid way of saying, "Nyah, Nyah- you got in trouble and I-I-I didn't!"(You have to sing it, sorta)
I always retort,"...that I don't need any comments from the Peanut Gallery."
I enjoy seeing other people get busted, too. Especially when its the asshole drivers getting pulled over for speeding.
For me, it is all about self-validation. I just like to know that I did something correctly, or rather... less wrong, than the other guy.
Oh thank GAWD there's another parent out there that takes joy in these things other than myself.
I wish this was an older child only dilema. My youngest son bosses his older brother like there is no tomorrow. It's maddening!!! We seriously should try subliminal messaging with this boy as he sleeps. Just a loop of us saying 'you worry about you. We'll worry about your brother. You worry about you. We'll worry about your brother......'
You enjoy watching people get busted? I enjoy watching people fall, but suddenly I don't feel so sick and twisted about it. Thanks.
I hadn't thought of this as a reason to put myself through the hell I am at the moment...
having someone else who's ass I can kick.
Inspiration Mr. GoneMad.
Yeah, he would probably never grow out of it, except the younger sibling is a sister and eventually women overtake the men in the common sense department.
I still boss my two younger brothers around- they are both in their 30s- but believe me, they need it.
Personally, I like angie's suggestion above.
However, I simply can't get over whole notion that these KIDS are ours to understand, now. I AM still stuck in their baby-hoods. I'm still laughing from one of your earliest posts; the one where The Champ was a toddler, and you waxed philosophical about how tricky it had become to change his diaper. I think you said, "Changing the diaper on a toddler is like changing the pants on a hobo."
I love that line. Even if it doesn't help you at all with your current dilemma. I just had to sneak that line in.
Pumpkinpie likes to step in when her friends are getting scolded and start to add something. Not cool! I keep having to stop her and remind her that they have their OWN mothers and she is not so perfect herself. Kids.
He'll grow out of it. **kicking toe in the ground** I did.
I was a bossy little thing when I was younger and all it took for me to stop was this one time when my cousin turned it around on me after I got in trouble in front of her. She just kept chiming in and wagging her finger at me after my mom would say something and I.Hated.That!
By the way, thanks for looking at the list. You made my day!
I don't have any kids but I babysit lots of kids who like to try to pull that. My standard response is "Are you getting paid to be here? No? Well then, when that changes, you can boss everyone around, but until then, for the next 4 hours I am God and I make the fucking rules."
Goes over really well. Anyone need a babysitter?
Oy. My youngest son isn't a drill sargeant but he is an arguer. Even on his way upstairs after being sent to his room he's shouting "but, but, but BUT MOOOOOOOMMMYYYYYY I WANT TO EXPLAAAAAAAINNNNNN". He's 8. I'm not a "let my kids argue with me" kind of parent. What I say goes. The end.
You like to watch people get busted? I knew you should have been a prosecutor like Mr. and Mrs. BG. No wonder you were so bored working for those advertising assholes.
Hold on just one doggone minute!
It is NOT an older sibling thing.
If you say that again, I'm gonna tell.
It's the Alpha Dog Syndrome. You son has barked and chewed his way to the top of the chain.
He IS the Alpha Dog.
Yep, my eldest does this too.
But for now I have stopped saying anything about it. In our case it is hugely beneficial. I speak english with him and french with his siblings (his choice) and one day I realized that every time he repeats my commands it is an exercise in simultaneous translation... I would be more worried if it stopped :-)
He's that age. I have an 18 year old and a 14 year old. The 18 year old bossed around the younger and now the 14 year old bosses everyone else. Like a bad burrito, that too shall pass.
I can't get past chasing parked cars! That's hysterical!
Wait til she starts dating..he can REALLY chime in then!..and congrats!
When you figure out how to take care of this . . . please, fill me in.
And we can be assholes together . . . is it wrong that I take pleasure in watching someone else tell my son he's out of line? I guess I figure that if someone BESIDES me, the mother-that-knows-nothing, tells him that he might actually start to believe it ;-) I know . . . silly silly me.
My pre-teen son and teenage daughter put their 2 cents in all the time. Being a single dad, I silently blame it on their mom (evil grin... ) (just kidding, it's not the ex's fault)
DadGoneMad - while you are stepping back to enjoy your son's show, can you give us the address of his blog? We'd like to enjoy it too!
I'm pretty sure it's an "oldest child know-it-all" syndrome. My 11 y/o is the same way. I was the same way to my younger brothers. Some might argue that I'm STILL the same way....but I'm not....lol.
Holy shit, your site is FUCKING AMAZING! Tears stream down my face from laughter every time I read your posts. It's like you are the Jewish twin of my husband. Maybe you two can start your own variety show?!
My son bosses around his younger sister and she bosses me around, since the only one in our house younger than her is the dog, who doesn't listen to anybody.
My son thinks he is his sisters third parent too. He even adopts that tone that his mother gets.
At Baseball no one listens to him or anyone else so it is harder to be bossy. But always a hoot to see three 8 year olds collide and wrestle for a ball in the in field.
My husband calls this bossmaster phenomenon "co-signing." When he's chewing one kid out and the other chimes in to help, he always turns to her and says, "I don't need you to co-sign on this one" or "I don't need a co-signer." Makes me laugh. :)
I still enjoy watching my now 17- and 20-year-old get their chops busted. I prefer to look at it like I'm allowing my sons have the benefit of the village raising the child and ensuring he will come out of the experience(s) with a clearer and more reinforced understanding of what society expects of them.
Or something like that. It is to laugh.
Shit rolls downhill. Hot Wife bosses you. You boss your son. Your son needs someone to boss so he bosses his younger sis. Don't you have any pets? My youngest sister used to lecture the cats and dog after my younger brother was bossy with her. You'd hear from the next room "Stop pussin' me around!" (She couldn't make the "sh" sound for a long time). Then like 5 mins later you'd hear "Buster you better listen to me! You're so lazy, always sleeping!"
Its the natural order of things in a household. Says this oldest sibling.
It's definitely an older child thing. I still boss my kid brother around!
I think part of the joy comes from the fact you KNOW he's going to listen to those coaches tell him to knock it off way more than he's going to listen to YOU say it. :)
"and why I wanted to have kids in the first place. I needed someone to bust."
I think you have your answer there Captain Obvious.
I was a pretty bossy child, but don't worry - I outgrew it. Now go write some more posts. And make it snappy. And go check out babyshrink to find out what to do with your son. And don't you dare eat more then your 10 alloted M&M's.
I refer to my oldest as my "second husband." He loves to repeat, in a much louder voice, anything that I say to the little one. They are 7 and 10...so often a fist fight ensues. I secretly root for the little one.
If this kind of thing makes you an asshole, move it on over...because really, I only had kids so I would have someone to get me things and change channels, AND to have someone to laugh at. They fill these roles very well!
I know we share a last name and all (Evans is so rare, ain't it?) but do we also share a son? I tell my son that he can do the bossing around when he's responsible for the mortgage and filing the taxes.
(No folks, we aren't related)
Malfeasance?! Wow. And I thought I was a word smithy. If that is, indeed, a word - "A" for you, my friend, and if it is not, "A+".
Cinderella (11 y/o) bosses Hansel (5 y/o).
Hansel bosses Gretel (2 y/o).
Gretel bosses the cat.
Shit rolls downhill, my friend.
Definitely an older sibling thing. I was the bossiest sister on the block, although I only had thirteen months on my brother. He responded with his fists (mom definitely failed in the never hit a girl lesson). And between the three boys I babysit, ouch, I feel for the youngest. I have to anticipate the bossiness from the older boys. Was I really that bad?
My oldest is so square when it comes to rules/order that several staff at school call him "E...bob Squarepants." He's gotten better as he's gotten older, but his disposition means we have to pick his teachers very carefully. Chaotic classroom=disaster.
Instead of parked cars, my grandpa always told us to "Go find some traffic to play in."
The good ol' days!
Trish
I think it is refreshing when a parent "sees" their little angels faults. Better to sit back and enjoy him getting owned than being that crazy parent who starts a fight in front of all the parents and kids.
Even though I take enjoyment out of watching those myself. Hee. ;)
common phenomenon for sure. My first born Son and Heir does exactly the same thing to the Lil Miss. Makes my brain break. Bob help him if he starts doing it outside Chez KP.
It sounds to me like you are grooming a future CEO. Good luck with that.