I always seem to take it in the shorts when we go out for dinner because I’m far less particular about what I put in my body than my kids. I’ll eat just about anything if it’s served with a beer, but the kids have a reputation for spirited disapproval if we don’t give them something covered in ketchup or ranch dressing or that disgusting cheese sauce with the orangey yellow color that neither appears in nature nor seems particularly appealing to anyone who has ever changed a baby’s diaper.

But Tuesday was my birthday and I decided to put my gastronomic foot down.

“We’re going out for sushi,” I declared. “Because I’m a 38 year old man and I will not be subjected to Captain Crawdad’s Crunchy Crab Claws and Fries on my birthday.”

Whining ensued. (Doesn’t it always?)

Thing is, the kids have never even tried sushi. Not once. But since they know it’s fish and it’s raw and it isn’t covered in an inch-thick blanket of processed orange yuck, they hate it. They just as soon eat sand or paste or a few of those moistened Swiffer pads than come within 500 yards of maguro.

I don’t think it will surprise you to know that one of my favorite hobbies is trying to get my kids to do things they don’t want to do. Like bathe. So Tuesday night I decided I was going to make them eat sushi.

“Do you want to try a California roll, bud?”

“I dunno,” he said nervously. “What’s in it?”

“Well, there’s rice and cucumber and avocado and krab,” I said. “With a K. And then you dip it in the soy sauce. It’s good. Wanna try one?”

He agreed, under extreme duress. And he LIKED it! One point for dad.

I turned to my daughter.

“Do you want a piece of sushi, Goose?”

Before she answered, I reached out to my son’s plate with my chopsticks and hoisted one round chunk of his California roll. I dropped it onto the Goose’s plate. She looked at it quizzically. It reminded me of the way I must have looked when I was watching Total Recall in the movie theatre long ago and the woman with three boobs came onto the screen.

“What’s that?” she asked, pointing with one prong of her fork.

“That’s cucumber.”

“Oh. I like cucumber. What’s that?”

“That’s avocado.”

“Mmm. I love avocado. What’s that?”

“That’s crab meat,” I said. “It tastes like chicken.”

(All together now: “LIAR!”)

“And that stuff on the outside is just rice, right, daddy?”

“Yep. Regular old rice, just like we have at home.”

With her nerves sufficiently soothed, my sweet little daughter picked up her first piece of sushi, smelled it cautiously, and then bit into it.

Suddenly, a furrowed brow. She executed the bite but did not chew.

“Daddy, what is that?” she asked. She was pointing at a paper-thin layer of deep, dark green that sits just beneath the rice on her California roll.

“Oh,” I said. “That’s seaweed.”

With that, she opened her mouth and let her unchewed first bite freefall out onto her plate.

It’s been two days since then but she’s still pissed at me.

Next year we’re going to Chuck E. Cheese.

Comments

During the salad days of early parenting, I remember my kids wolfing down carrots, pureed peas and other such clean-living foods while Hossdad and I ate burgers and made "yucky" faces, thus inferring how jealous were were of them getting to eat the "yummy" foods. We have since been found-out, and are now forced to eat green beans in solidarity with the youth.

I think that was the same reaction my boyfriend had when I took him for sushi!
PS - Love the site! :)

This is exactly why I laugh every time my husband suggests that the whole family go out for sushi.

Hey, don't knock it 'til you try it. Moistened Swiffer pads aren't all that bad. Add a little bit of mayo and they taste just like a sea cucumber.

I personally am a fan of the Swiffer Sashimi. And Goose could be partial to Nacho Cheese Nori, you never know...

Being very young parents when we started this gig (21) we saw nothing wrong with covering our son with sticky rice & green mussels all the while being bellied up to the bar. As the kids kept on coming, (our final count is 5 sons)we realized what a side show we became. After leaving CA & moving to Georgia the quest for good sushi was on the top of our list. My husband found a place & we love it but it is SO MUCH MONEY to take 7 people to sushi. So we curb there appetite for the raw cuisine by keeping the sweet little man in the grocery store rolling special rolls for my sons. But don't worry, every summer we head back to CA to eat at Sushi Marina in Ventura...but we make sure their papa wants to treat & then let them loose!

I thought you were going to say she said "Yuck, Daddy! It's BORING!"

I cooked shark last night and had to use the "it tastes like chicken!" line on them. It didn't work. No one in my family likes fish, let alone sushi, like myself. Mmmm... unagi!! I need to find a sushi partner. [whisper] CALL ME.

my kids are so weird.
they will choose sushi over any other restaurant...and they are 7, 5, and 2!

Forget trying to convert the girl. It's no use.
Work on the boy... soon you'll have him suggesting sushi on HIS birthday.

One of our neighbors brings dried seaweed to every block party. The kids (13 on the block under 12) go NUTS over it. Absolutely berserk! They can't get enough of it. All is not lost, though - Japanese restaurants typically have things besides sushi; my daughter usually tries some sushi but mainly has the various teriyakis.

been trapped in Google Reader for far too long... is the site looking all spiffy and new? I like.

Oh, and I'd have a similar reaction to your daughter too. Some of us just aren't cut out for the sushi thing.

hahahaha - my brat loves sushi. Especially the eel! It's Mag that wants to order tempura or teriyaki chicken ... freak! She is not bold enough to try an individual or a hand roll yet though. We'll get there.

Aw c'mon DGM, you know better than that! It's not seaweed, it's 'nori, a special Japanese leafy green.' You never never ever use the 's' word when selling the sushi concept to a young'un, unless it's a boy who thinks the idea of eating seaweed is 'COOL!'

Geez. I've been marketing concepts to my kids for way too long, methinks.

Oh well. You got 50% with the sushi -- that's pretty good!
:)

My sister-in-law convinced me to try sushi for the first time. My reaction was similar to your daughter's. Except I didn't drop it out of my mouth onto a plate. It landed right in her hand. I was 27 at the time!

You just described my frist attempt at sushi. My bite went into a napkin followed by a healthy gulp of saki.

Damn... the fact that you got any sort of sushi fragment past either of your kids lips is highly impressive.

Niether spouse nor spawn will go there in my household.

I get to eat sushi on the nights they order from Domino's, and even then I have to sit farther away at the table so the kids don't have to witness me eating the fish close up.

Don't give in to Chucky, dude. That rat wouldn't even stomach his own weak attempt at pizza. Give your daughter a year, and she'll forgive you. Maybe try to start her out on a nice deep-fried, saucy Godzira roll.

At least you got her to try it. I've yet to discover a lie that will trick my kid into eating anything she thinks looks remotely off-putting.

"Do you want [food]?"
"No, I don't like [food]."
"Have you ever tried [food]?"
"No."
"How do you know you don't like it?"
"Because I DON'T."

LMAO, I can almost see her doing that.

Nice layout, I like it.

P.S. I've trained my children to eat sushi in a couple of ways. I started them out with veggie rolls first and suplemented some cooked food at dinner. All the while they watch me eat slimy raw fish peices. Then to get to the competitive edge of my son, I challenged him to "BRING IT" to the sushi restaurant. He brought it, I still won but he eats a lot more sushi now.

ooooh so close to a two for two

Oh, how familiar this all is.

I tried lobster sushi once. Not ever having tried sushi (or lobster, for that matter), I had no idea what to expect.

After gagging and wretching over a trashcan, I ddrank any liquid that was within my grasp to rid my mouth of the horrid flavor of death that is sushi.

Never again, my friend. Never again.

I have a sushi tale for you...

My Mom had taken my kids to a buffet that served Sushi, something my Mom has no knowledge of and has never in her life even tried.
My daughter, who was about six at the time, pointed at the sushi and asked if she could have some. My Mom assisted her in picking out assorted types of sushi and put them on her plate, and them my Mom spotted a dish full of this pastey green stuff and thought that if she put enough of that stuff on top of the sushi it might 'kill' the flavor of the raw fish.

My daughter took on bite, broke out in the sweats, tears streaming down her face and began to scream that her mouth was on fire.
That was the night my Mom tried to kill my daughter with Wasabi (something my Mom had never heard of before).
Needless to say my daughter goes into epileptic fits when anyone mentions Sushi to her.

I wish I could go back and ask for no wasabi on my daughters first adventure into sushi. She was all about trying it (she was 3).

Then it got to the table and the first thing she said is "I want the green stuff" and grabbed a handful of wasabi.

We caught it and said "It's hot, sweetie."

"Well, then blow on it." *blow* *blow*

Um... what do I do? How can I explain it's spicy, not temperature hot. So I decided on damage control instead of aversion. I showed her how you are supposed to take a little tiny bit and stick it on a sushi. Gave her a piece of California roll with a TINY piece of wasabi. In the mouth it went.

I wish I had a camera. There is no way to describe her face. It was a look of shock, pain and urgency as it came flying out of her mouth and back into my hand. "I don't like it."

To this day, I always get Tekka Maki (cheap tuna roll) because she feels it is her responsibility to stick wasabi on every freaking piece before we get to eat it. But she's done with it. No more sushi for her...

As well she should be! (still pissed, that is.) :)

Why would you WANT them to like Sushi? More for you. Buy 'em a pizza on the way home.
Too late now, tho. Good luck when the Champ is 14 and eats ya' out of house and home.
Oh, and happy belated bday to you and WSis.

Happy belated birthday! I can't believe you're 38- all the scatological musings must keep you looking & acting young!

My mother, husband, daughter, and I took a trip to Japan when my daughter was 11 yrs. old. As the only caucasian passengers on that full Korean Airline flight, we were impressed with how quiet and respectful all of the passengers were during our 13-hours in the air. My mother and daughter sat two rows ahead of us, and the only sound we could hear during the flight was our daughter doing her homework. That was until our meal arrived…When they placed the pickled radishes, seaweed soup, and tube of anchovy paste in front of our daughter, it was as if she had been given access to the pilots intercom and announced to the plane—“You have GOT to be kidding!” My husband and I begged our seats to just swallow us up…

I think I was well into my twenties before I tried sushi. I still will only eat rolls that have COOKED seafood in them. But I love, love, LOVE wasabi. It's heaven. However, I am the pickiest eater I know. And oddly enough, almost all of the foods that I previously hated I now love. So good luck and try not to strangle her when in her twenties she suddenly shows up and extolls the virtues of sushi.

You should have told her it was kelp, or something less gross-sounding
You might have almost had her.

Don't go to Chuck E Cheese next year, just go to a place that cooks its fish, or something. Keep fighting the good fight!

(You can always pack them a few Swiffer pads in case they're desperate.)

I am officially a conscientious sushi objector. I don't get it. It takes forever to make and doesn't look filling. It screams "pretentious" at me.

We have been taking our 4 yr old daughter to Sushi sense she was a month old.At 18 months she happily ate shrimp tempura, while we devoured sashimi. Then @ 2.5 yrs, & very fond of all things pink & princess she reached over & stole a piece of tuna sashimi off my plate ate it & decleared "yummy pink princess food". Pro: she great to take to sushi, we have never been to the rat-pizza place. Con: $$$$$ she only eats tuna & salmon $$$$ .Trying to get her to eat a happy meal on a busy weekend on the go, she snubs it.

TUESDAY was my BIRTHDAY too!!! But my kids are BIG so Captain America and I went out for margaritas, hot wings, burgers and Beatles music...cuz we can and cuz it was MY BIRTHDAY...AND no one spits out the hot wings cuz they're too hot or frowns because there is no play area...cuz damn it I paid my dues. You'll get there too....unfortunately you have a few more years until then.
Happy Belated Half-chewed up Sushi B-day!

I'm with sweet little daughter

ADG

I'm with sweet little daughter

ADG

I'm southern, and I think you just fed your children bait.

Happy Belated Bday!

Maybe it's because mine are half asian, but they eat sushi and nori with out any problems. of course they also eat indian, mexican, italian and a variety of other foods . . . but ask the daughter and she'll tell you she's "allergic" to taco bell. and she despises chili's. (her favorite channel is the food network.) boy will eat pretty much anything . . .

*My now XFIL took a quarter sized lump of wasabi and plopped it into his mouth thinking it was something else and I thought he was going to pass out. (I didn't know white people could get that red!)

Happy Late 38!

I had to read it twice to be sure, but unless you count "pissed" there wasn't a single explitive in your post! I've never laughed harder than at the "Like Bathe" comment.

I KNEW there was a reason I like your blog/writing..we share a b-day! De-lurking to pass on b-day wishes! Go sushi!

OY. Every time I ask my kids what they want for dinner they yell "SUSHI!" And, no. They aren't just asking for "krab" california rolls. Neither one will touch it. One wants eel and salmon eggs. The other wants yellowtail and scallops. Damn california kids.

Max asked me once what sushi tasted like when I was a kid. I told him "pot roast". The he asked about risotto - "uh... instant mashed potatoes?" Kid, we didn't eat this stuff when I was little. Not ever.

Next time (as if), ask for rice paper instead of seaweed, then you're a cool parent for letting your kids eat paper

(or am I the only one who actually needs to tell her children, repeatedly, that paper is not food?)

My 9 year old boy suddenly digs sushi, it's a whole new world. My 6 year old girl still sticks with teriyaki. Amateur.

Meet my boy if you like: http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/2008/04/driving-mr-crazy.html

My last boss took me out to dinner on a business trip and made me try sushi. I had the same reaction Goose did to the California roll. I mean, I didn't just let it drop out of my mouth, I used a napkin!

Dude,

My kids (boy, 8 girl, 4) eat sushi and imported goat cheese. This is not as great as you might think.

1. Way more expensive than Micky D's

2. Try packing a school lunch for either of them. "Dad, I wanted Wenslydale cheese" Followed by tears.

3. Tough time at kid parties. " I'm sorry. I don't eat hot dogs. Do you have anything else?"

On the Japanese food front. Order the kids some soba noodles. or udon. Everybody likes noodles. And tell them they are not allowed under any circumstances to even try your sushi. They will then steal it off your plate.

hey, at least she put it in her mouth. I didn't make that step until my parents begged me at the age of 22...and yes...my story ends the same way.
Next time you want sushi, just order her the tempera chicken and bring along your own bottle of ketchup.

Happy Birthday!

Hey Danny -

Happy birthday!

And I like the new look (don't know how new it is, I've been out of commish for a bit and catching up via Google reader...snazzy)

Nothing like a little chewed up regurgitation to make your birthday special.

I have sushi-eating kids but only because I got them hooked during an "I like my food raw" phase. It was better than having them eat the raw hamburger.

Kudos to you for giving it the old college try!

Kim

That's why the great Gah above invented The Babysitter.

Chuckie Cheese - it's a kiddy casino. You gotta run around and round up 4,721 tickets just so you can wear a plastic spider ring home. Blech! I hate Chuckie Cheese! But then, I'm not 4 either.

It took me 30 years to try sushi. My wife is 32 and has not, will not, ever, never, try it. My son would kick me in the shins for even suggesting it. Good for your kids. And enjoy the mouse next year. I love that place.... :)

My son could care less if he ate sushi or not . . . but he at least tries it . . . and sometimes likes it. My daughter loves sushi. And what REALLY pisses me off about it? She can use chopsticks better than I can! The first time we went out for sushi (hubby got actual sushi, I got terriyaki something or other and rice with the token CA roll) . . . hubby had chopsticks. My 4 year old daughter wanted to use some, too. I told her she probably couldn't and that I didn't have my chopstick holder with me (yes, I have one - don't judge!). She insisted, so I got her some. She expertly held them in her tiny little hands, squeezed the CA roll, and stuffed the entire thing in her mouth. Little shit.

Be careful what you wish for! I introduced my 10 year old twin daughters to sushi about 9 months ago - and now they crave it just as much as I do. We have our weekly girl's lunch at the all you can eat sushi joint near our house and every single time my husband asks them if they want to stop at McDs to grab something quick they refuse, instead demand sushi. He curses me every time.

this post made me laugh my ass off. reminds me of my son. he currently hates everything but corn on the cob, pasta, pizza, and quesadillas. I'm hoping he outgrows this phase by his 16th birthday.

You almost had her. Better luck next time.

I just snorted. That's hilarious. Seriously, FUNNY. Whew, alright, well good news is "The Cheese" is only temporary pain. You can do it!

Taste like chicken usually works for me...usually...

Chucky Cheese, not so great, maybe on a Wednesday at 11am, during a snow storm...