So far, the best thing about being laid-off is watching the goober sitting next to me.

You should see this guy. His haircut summons memories of the guy from Wham! who wasn’t George Michael. His ears are pierced with blue plastic rivets and he's rockin' a fury brown ‘stache the likes of which I have not seen since Lando Calrissian went teets-up. He has the crazy eyes, and he’s spent the last 45 minutes posting to his MySpace page and the bulletin board for the LA radio station most likely to play Morrisey and Depeche Mode and all of that other late 80s emo rubbish.

You can’t find this kind of entertainment when you have a job. You’re so focused on the work and the deadlines that your brain lacks the bandwidth to breathe-in the fact that there are people out there – probably sitting in a bagel shop with the weak-ass wireless signal, next to the high school – who like to pretend the world stopped turning 20 years ago.

This is so bitchen.

Other great things about joblessness:

1) I got to help my son with his homework.

2) I'm going to take my son to baseball practice.

3) I have perfected my line of BS about being OK with the layoff.

4) I get to look at my wife all day long.

5) See #4

Comments

So glad you're blogging and not in The Pit of Despair. I had my worries.
Keep it up, man.

All this time I've been spelling it bitchin'. I so need to catch up on my Valleyese.

I spell it "bitchin'" also. 2 points off for spelling...

You're unemployed? I must have missed that post.

have to ask, where the bloody hell ARE you?

I'm really hoping that this scene isn't taking place in your house.

Andrew Ridgely FTW.
Let's pretend I didn't really pull THAT out of my memory bank.
Thnx.

I am hoping you are blogging from a starbucks or something of the like, cuz if you are blogging from your home, quick dial 911!

Have you any idea the challenge you have spawned? Someone took the time to go through the BIG BIG STARS comments and post a complete list, then challenged everyone to comment on EVERY SINGLE BLOG. It's

http://randomdailyramblings.blogspot.com/2008/04/blog-rolling-with-my-homies.html

just in case you didn't know about it.

You must be in the Employment office or Starbucks, I'm guessing.

I used to work at a Noah's Bagels when it was still kosher and boy, let-me-tell-you, there was a lot of weird shit happening back in the freezer. I haven't had a bagel since.

It's amazing the people you can find when you are outside your normal routine, isn't it? When I went to vote in the primary earlier this year, a man came in after me in the most authentic mullet I have seen outside of 1984. What self respecting hair dresser lets that happen in 2008? To add to the fun he was a registered right to life so he couldn't vote in the primary in NY anyway, which he couldn't comprehend.

Yeah, extra baseball practices and such would probably soften any blow. Good luck, dude.

I would spell it "bitchen" as well. Unless I was "bitchin'" at someone, of course. Totally different. And, uh, bitchen.

I'm sorry you're unemployed, Danny. I think we all missed the memo on that one!

Sorry you got laid off. That is no good. If I got laid off I'd freak. 2 kids and a big ol' Bay Area mortgage... But it sounds like you are ok with it (or faking it really well) Good luck, hope you find something you love soon!

Sorry to hear you were laid off. Here's to finding a better job soon!

I think you missed the target on this one, honey. Everyone is focusing on the word "bitchen"? Did you not see the words "laid-off"? How about a little love? My man needs a job!

Brina, you are very insightful. Actually, Danny is pretty calm and hopeful. I am the one freaking out.

You need to give my husband some lessons on appreciating me. LOL Good luck wiht continuing to fake being ok with the layoff. I've been there. Part of me was ok with it. Part of me wasn't. I didn't want to show the later. It's a real ego killer isn't it? Good luck.

Yikes... layoffs are never fun. I hope things work out soon, but not until you're sick of looking at Hot Wife (yeah, like that'll ever happen).

Regardless, good luck in the job hunt.

"In-between jobs", huh? I'll offer what I can.

First, pick up change off the ground. This is, has been and will always be the cornerstone of my infallible get rich slow scheme. It has yet to fail. Some may also say that it has yet to succeed... they are fools. And perhaps filthy rich.

Also, I have noticed somewhat of a trend lately in books about people who have done one thing for a whole year and then written about it. Because I like you, and because my wife thinks the idea is ludicrous (and is wrong!) I bequeath to you my idea for such a book. Drums, please. Wear a different silly t-shirt everyday for a year. I never got any father than that.

....

But you need cashflow NOW. I understand. So, I am offering a trade. I will trade non-counterfeited American currency in exchange for every time your writings cause coffee to detour through my nasal cavity. I am willing to negotiate a per-nostril rate.

OK, speaking of coma, did I just wake up from one, or did I totally miss the news that you were laid off?

I'm with Kristie, I didn't have a clue you were laid off dude! Sorry to hear that. I've got faith in you though. You'll bounce right back on your feet. Who wouldn't love that face??!! Good luck on your hunt and hang in there Hot Wife!!

Plus: Thanks Erin for the shout out!

Sorry to hear about the layoff. Having to work in the first place sucks. It's even worse when, even though working sucks, not working sucks harder. When is the book coming out? We'll all help you attain superstardom and then you'll never have to worry again!!

joblessness? DID I MISS A POST???? Danny, if i missed something, send me the link. Otherwise, if you're being evasive ... well, that's just ridic!

Sorry to hear about the lay-off. Seriously; DID we all miss the post on that one? Good luck in the future. I'm sure you'll find something that thrills you as much as entertaining us for free.

Right there with the rest of the folks. I even went back and searched the archives for something my reader didn't pick up - Laid-off? What? Who? Where? Gonna be a new evil boss post?

Also, I thought the guy who wasn't George Michael was kinda hot. Who needs I want your sex when you have big teeth and a guitar?

(Note: I was quite young when I thought he was hot. That's all.)

So much for my attempt to be creative about this revelation.

Yes, I got laid off on Friday. There was no other post about it.

I saw the news on Twitter and had I not been on my way to break up a fight amongst my 5 and 3 year olds, I would've Twittered (sp?) back. Sorry for the bad news. Silver linings are good to think about. I would focus on the sleeping in part. Damn, my kids are morning people, that just won't work. Get that book out, I'm ready to buy a few!!!

Have fun with the kidlets. And the wife. Hot Wife, sorry. =0)

Gah. Being laid off is major suckage. Do you have a list of all your possible buddies in the industry lying around? Time to make some phone calls and announcements through the Ducks' PA system (kidding only slightly). Oh, and posting your resume online and giving us the link for forwarding, together with your geographic area preference. But then, I have the feeling that you'll be back in the saddle again in less than a month.

Ok Danny... I am a relatively new reader. What was your occupation? You should put what you're looking for on your blog and see who has connections that might help you out. I think you are also in the OC where we are? We know a ton of rich snobby people - maybe one of them could help you out. Let us know. Glad to help if we can ... and I am quite sure that everyone else out in the blogosphere would do the same.

You're all incredibly nice and your encouragement is firing me up. But I have to resist the urge to spray my resume out there for all to read and forward. Between Project Lovebomb and t-shirt sales, I think I've tapped the wallets and good nature of DGM readers more than my share. Plus, I'm fortunate to have a network of extraordinary friends and loved ones who have come through for me today in ways I can't even begin to describe. I'm a lucky, lucky man.

I love you guys. Thanks for your relentless support.

Oh crap, being laid off totally sucks. Fiscal dramas, lack of control, stress, bother and so many other negative Nancy's reside in that territory. Sorry you have to deal with it Danny. Keep ogling Hot Wife and hopefully it will only be a short down time without creating too much upheaval.

There is no way to gloss over how shocking this must be. All I can say is, I hope it's over quickly and that you are back in a cubicle before too long. And an even nicer cubicle (with a view, maybe?)to boot. Been there myself; let it fire you up instead of get you down.

Here's hoping you find a new and better position soon.

Danny, there's about 10,000 people a day worth of referrals out there for you. Go ahead and tap the well. After everything you've shared with us, the least we can do is let you know about a job opening.

I'm sorry about the lay off. I know how scary it can be especially with a family to support. You'll have a job in no time though.....

You ARE famous on the internet, you know.

I guarantee the next job you find will be better than the one you had. Hang in there :)

I hope this is short-term and that you get through this okay, but I also hope this gives you the freedom to do the things you've always wanted to do. Good luck!! :)

Crap. Sorry Hot Wife. Trying to make light, because I'm in denial. We just lost our company and are starting over ourselves. Literally, we're back at the bottom of the ranks. Stupid economy.

Sending you guys much love and lots of positive energy. Something good will come of this. I just know it.

Good luck on the job hunt! Glad you have many family and friends around to help you out.

Extra baseball practices aren't such a bad trade off, for the short term anyway!

It took me FOUR YEARS to be okay with not having a job! First I cried. Then I cried. Since I had lots of time to spare I cried some more.

In the beginning, I couldn't "get back out there" to find another job because I was SO in mourning over my x-job. Then it got depressing.........and I just couldn't, wouldn't, didn't want to and you can't make me, MOVE MY BODY.

Now, FOUR YEARS LATER.........I'm growing a mullet and wearing earlobe extenders...........Hey, didn't I see you yesterday????

First off - so sorry to hear about the lay-off. I'll join the ranks and say I'm sure you'll find something and fast because hellooooo you're an internet star!!!

Secondly - If you think that Project Lovebomb and T-Shirts have tapped our wallets/good nature then you are sorely underestimating your devoted following/fan club/readers!!

Thirdly - Hurry up and finish that book so we can buy millions of copies and make you filthy rich!

And lastly - to HW - don't freak out - there's plenty of us here that "got your back" should you ever need it.

Probably been covered already, but I bet HotWife wishes you'd just leave for a while. Honestly, not sure me and CareerMom could both work out of the house at the same time. I can only look at her sacheting around the house for so long (without the kids around) before I either demand sexual favors, or have to mow the grass or something.
But buck up lil' camper. With your talents (and notoriety) you'll be back to hating your job in no time at all (like the rest of us!)

Niiiice.

Book fodder. It's all meant to help create book fodder.

So I take it Hotwife is keeping you in the luxury you are accustomed to? That's the way to be Danny. Make her get out there and keep you!

YOU THE MAN!!!!!

Now if we could only get Wondersis to keep her man in that same luxury.

You got laid off? Did I miss that post somehow?

Well, that sucks and all, but in a totally selfish way I hope this equals many more posts. Surely you can wander about all day and find more interesting people to tell us about.

And I just added both Stiff and Bonk to my Bookins lists.

Sorry to hear about the layoff. I was laid off Thursday so I know how you feel. Or a close approximation. Keep going to those baseball practices, that has to help. I am sure you will be back in the employed very quickly. The joys of the modern day work force, eh. Take care of yourself.

Ugh - laid off - I was there 9 months ago - from a job I loved for 9 years - now I have a job I sorta like...but I make more $$$ - which is one way to get over the pain of loosing your health insurance!

see...i have the best of both worlds...i get to see MANY of those types of people AT WORK. i swear. ;)

I'm sorry you were laid off. I hope you find something that suits you soon. Meanwhile, thanks for the giggle - it's nice to know that you can take one in the teeth and still go out and make new and interesting friends, and then blog about it.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

What the hell? Laid off? Did they realize WHO they were letting go?
Pedal to the metal and all that, Danny. Good luck out there!

Yeah, I feel for ya Danny! I'm in the mortgage business, and we've watched most of our industry disappear and/or get laid off. My office has gone from 33 people to 5. I'm still standing, but for the last 2 years it's been hanging over my head. Is today the day I get my severance?

One word:

Cyber Begging.

Ok, two words. Fine. Be picky.

Seriously, with your verbal genious you could create a site that gives people a laugh, and then simply ask them for a bit of spare change.

I've been doing it for years -- haven't touched the site in something like 5 years now, and it still brings in pretty good $$. It's a sheer numbers game. There are 6 billion suckers out there, and you only need a few of them to give you a buck.

Or you can sell tours of your house. Whatever works.

The (Amazing) Gimme A Buck Guy

For some a layoff can be a real Godsend because 1) it finally gives them a break they never would have taken voluntarily, and 2) they realize what's important in life (kids baseball games, helping with homework, etc.

By the way, I just stumbled here and I'm glad I did. Always enjoy reading the words of other "dads gone mad." I'm all subscribed and ready for new content! Now, off to the archives to do some catching up.

Just read the news, yeah, I thought I missed a post too. Count us on in the 'what can we do to help' crowd.

Hey tough break on the layoff, but like others have said, I think you'll be grateful someday. You're already forcing yourself to look at the upside, and after awhile, you won't have to force yourself anymore. If you want another job soon, give yourself 6 months or something generous, and in the meantime take it easy in the job search, appreciate your family and this unplanned vacation, and you'll be that much more relaxed and ready to go back when the time comes.

Or you could expand your DGM empire and never "work" again.

Get writing!

I know you're "taking the high road" and everything, being all ethical and shit, but you REALLY are going easy on your ex-boss. Lemme at 'em!

I can't wait until he looks back on all of this and regrets losing such an incredible asset to his company...and YOU look back with relief at what a great time this was to break free of that place.

Your writing skills are really astounding...you are the fastest, funniest, most creative writer I've ever read. People don't realize how quickly you crank out hilarious, insightful stuff. What takes other authors days, weeks or months is DONE by you in minutes. I want your skill and talent to be recognized and rewarded.

You never belonged at your last job. You belong at ESPN or HBO Sports or SI or Nike. Top of the heap. I can't wait to see what develops over the next few weeks for you. It's gonna be great!!!

Hey Danny. Sorry about the layoff, but I have a feeling you'll bounce back. Please use your spare time to write a book. No BS, I would definitely use my (very) limited college-student budget to snag that the day it was released.

How could they lay you off? Don't they know who you are?!?!?!?
Fingers and toes crossed for you, seriously.

Getting laid off does suck, especially if was as unexpected as it sounds. My hubby was "let go" from his job last year. Although it was rough financially, looking back, it was actually good in a lot of other ways. He spent a lot more time with the kids, and eventually found a job in a place that was much better for him. Really, it brought us closer too. I was able to prove I meant that "for worse" part of our "for better for worse" vows, and now we know we can get through anything together.
I think you have the right attitude and you are on to much bigger and better things for yourself. Good luck.

Danny.....just gives you more time to get that book written, right? And you won't have to worry about taking time off for the DGM World Tour!
Seriously, I know it's a scary place to be...especially with a family...good luck-you are SERIOUSLY talented!

Gah! Laid off sucks in so many ways. Hope it resolves soon. And like the others, holler if you need anything. I'm thinking the buck-a-laugh scheme might work :o)

Gah! Laid off sucks in so many ways. Hope it resolves soon. And like the others, holler if you need anything. I'm thinking the buck-a-laugh scheme might work :o)

Hi Danny, I have to agree with the others: your boss must have been smoking some serious shit to let you go. I know faith isn't a big part of your schtick but I will be praying for you to find something rewarding (creatively & financially, hopefully!) and I know God will take care of your family. Hey, at least SoCal will always need aerobics instructors, no matter what the economy does! BTW, FU GWB!!!!!!!

I join all the others in hoping you will find yourself laid-on again soon. In the meantime, can you come over and help my kids with their homework?

I can feel the love. Thanks, everyone, for being so supportive of Danny.

Sending good vibes back out to those of you in the same predicament.

I, for one, am willing to spend a dollar a day for the great pleasure of reading Dad Gone Mad!

So sorry to hear that. Sending positive vibes your way.

Damn! What kinda tool let's you go? Blech! Heck, if I could I'd give you my job!

Best of luck finding something else that makes your day.

Damn! What kinda tool let's you go? Blech! Heck, if I could I'd give you my job!

Best of luck finding something else that makes your day.

Huh. Here I discovered "Laid Off Dad's" blog JUST today (who is no longer actually laid off) and then I click over here and discover, in an ironic twist of fate, that you ARE laid off. I'm so sorry!

Best of luck finding your DREAM job soon!

Sorry to hear about the job! I hope you find something worth your time soon.

Try not to despair! We are all with you!

Sounds like some silver lining on your cloud.

Dawg, Danny E,
Can you forward to your old boss:

Dear Danny's pinhead boss,
I am not sure where you received your education, but it is obvious that you did not gain any schooling on management. . . Your managerial skills are so poor that your employees are surprised that you have survived this long even while owning the business. If I was near you, I would cup my hand, blow a nasty fart into it, and ever so gently move my hand up to your nostrils.

You lost the most creative, funny, and best writer on your team--I wish you good luck with all future genius management decisions.
Old Camp Buddy

Danny,
This is a blessing in disguise. Better opportunities will come your way. I have no doubt.

I think it was number 4 that got me.

Glad things are so bitchin' right now!

It will be nine years this November since my husband has had a job. Just four weeks before Christmas he worked his last day, talk about major sucking. Finding out the following year he'd never work again, that took scary shit to a whole new level. Best part of the entire thing, handicap parking baby!! Right up front, easy to find.

Good vibes heading your families way. Enjoy #4.

When God closes a door, he opens a window of amazing daytime television. You will learn to love the Leave It To Beaver marathons, and just about the time you know who is actually hosting The View, it will be time to go back to work. As Gus, Beaver's fireman friend would say "use this time wisely."

A few years ago, I too, was fired over the phone. My ex-boss and co-worker were famous for backstabbing and throwing people under the bus, but I didn't think they'd do it to me. It took me a few months to get another job, and I'm still trying to work my way back up into that pay grade.

Enjoy the time off, though. You'll find you've missed certain things.

I have been laid off a few times. Nothing sucks more than the Pollyana Platitudes like "Everything happens for a reason." and "Something better will come along."

But you know what? Things do happen for a reason. Sometimes a really shitty one, but in my experience every time something better did come along. And often it was soemthing I would never have pursued if fate hadn't forced me into it. Just please, for your family's sake, stay away from daytime television.