Those who read this site with any frequency know that I’m about as likely to the high road as I am to sprout vulture wings out of my nostrils and fly away home to the family booger farm in South-Central Nowhere. I don’t “do” the high road. I peel off the scabs and expose everything about everything, and sometimes I use naughty words along the way.

Correction. I ALWAYS use naughty words along the way. And shit.

But for once I’m going to take a stroll down the Dignified Highway. Despite my deep, visceral, raging hunger to lambaste my former employer for the way they laid me off and the reasons why they did so and all of that stuff, I’ve decided not to address the gory details in this forum.

Besides, I have something exponentially more spectacular to discuss with you.

I don’t know when or how or why, but somewhere along the way I inadvertently stumbled into a world of extraordinary human beings. I suppose I was so preoccupied by the need to be a hamster on somebody’s wheel that I failed to notice these people were always there, always at the ready, always an email away from run-of-the-mill heroics. People like to call this a “support system” but I find that far too clinical a description for what I have.

Friday afternoon, just a couple of hours since I got the call from my boss, Hot Wife sent an email to our friends and families. It said (I’m paraphrasing here), “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Danny’s just got canned and we’re probably going to die and oh my God I can’t feel my legs.”

(It may have been a smidge more eloquent than that, but I’m pretty sure I’ve captured the spirit of the email.)

Suddenly, the earth began to move and our modem began to spark and my wife’s inbox began to whimper under the strain of the volume of people wanting to help us. Here, call my sister. Here, I know a guy from college. Here, come and warm your feet by my fire and suckle from my voluptuous teet.

On top of that, I have you guys, which…wow. Your support and encouragement are to me what that stupid little halogen-light-slash-turn-on-your-heart-light-ET thing was to Robert Downey, Jr. in Ironman (which, as an aside, kicked ASS!).

Is it possible that being summarily booted from one’s job can generate this kind of awakening? Seriously. Is this one of the best things that’s ever happened to me? I think it is. I think I’m…grateful.

I feel like some schmuck actor standing at the podium after winning an Oscar (note to self: Google “narcissists anonymous”). I’m standing up there and I’m flummoxed and I’m trying to remember to thank everyone who helped me get there and the fucking orchestra is starting to play us into a commercial and FUCK! Cool your jets, Tom Conti! I’m not done yet! I haven’t even thanked my wife yet!

(Thanks, honey. I love you more than cake.)

To everyone who has rallied behind me, I’m humbled by your selflessness and generosity. Thank you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, the high road is making my butt water.

Comments

Of course we can't let you die, we haven't found a replacement yet!
Where else would we get our dad gone mad fix?

None of us ever know how many people care about us until something bad happens in our lives. Sometimes it's the hardest parts of our lives that let us feel the best about ourselves.

I'm always amazed at the support an online community can offer. And you definitely deserve it more than most.

Never underestimate the power of networking.

I'm glad you've got a great support system. It is so strange that it takes something shitty to find out how good you really have it.

It is when you are feeling your worst when you discover who is friend and who is foe. I'm happy for you. Sending positive employment vibes your way.

It's all karma. This is the very reason why good guys don't finish last. Redundancy can happen to anyone. Difference is that if you've been a shit to people to get where you are, then no-one will rally round. So what does that tell you? You get the help and the friends you deserve. Best of luck with the job hunt. It'll be reet, as we say.

The high road is a hard place to walk for those who are afraid of heights. I looked down and promptly fell off.

I'd suggest you look into the company I work for, as they are hiring for advertising and marketing execs. However, it would require relocation to Maine. That, and they tend to suck the life out of you ever so slowly.

It's amazing how they say (and are often correct) that the hardest things in life can be some of the best. Or, those things which make you stronger. Or, the tough get going .... blah blah. You know what I mean. I'm just glad it's happening for you, because you have a genuinely good soul (yes, I realize that I don't actually KNOW you, but it shines through in your writing) and you deserve the wonderful things amidst the shit. Or something eloquent like that.

Life sucks sometimes and then you look around and realize the kind of friends and family you have and it don't suck so bad.

You're an alright dude, Danny. You and your family with be fine. *hugs*

Well, unless you want to move to Georgia and work for a small municipality, I can't help in the networking department but i can empathize (with you and your wife) out the wazoo. My dear husband was laid off -- let's see -- three times, once after age 50. If you think *that's* not fun...it was beginning to feel normal. We survived & we're doing better now than ever. People rallied and we had a great support system, too. Take care & best of luck/

See? I knew it! I knew something positive would come out of this. Didn't I say it? Didn't I? Now, forward me the results page of that narcissists anonymous search.

Wow - it's like in Peter Pan, where everyone claps their hands to keep Tinkerbell from dying...

Am I the only one who's looking for the sequel to the fireside teet suckling story? Probably.

And seriously, if you weren't in California, I would have offered to hook you up. But I don't think you're interested in a move to Toronto. (However, if you are, that would be totally cool, and then we could figure something out.)

Wow. It must've been National Lay-Off week. I was let go last Tuesday. And guess what? I'm grateful too.

I too sent an email. I too received tons of supportive, networking, loving emails back. I have an interview next week with my ultimate dream job. I have people pulling for me. I have an OPPORTUNITY - to finally do what I want and be who I want.

After the initial shock - I am excited and grateful.

Congratulations to both of us!

When one door closes another one opens (I know...deep stuff).

I have no doubt that good things will come your way. If I was a california CEO of a Fortune 500 company, I would hire you. Unfortunatley, I am a SAHM in rural Illinois. But its the thought that counts right?

This is going to be a good thing Danny. Mark my words.

For you.

Help Wanted

Position: Inflatible Swimmy Tester
Requirements: Must have strong desire to succeed, blue fins, and at least
one lazy nipple

Position: Gate Guard in Elf Hell
Responsibilities include quelling the uprising hordes of escaping elves.
Pointy hat, jingly shoes, duct tape, and spears provided.

Position: Pope's Hat
Must be willing to go on a head while others hang around down there.

Position: Non Sequitur Generator
Johnny used to walk to school, but now he carries his lunch

Of course we're all here..can't wait for the next adventure..

Wow, that sucks about the lay-off but it sounds like you are indeed surrounded by a great people. Enjoy your "vacation", you should be back in the rat race soon.

PS HotWife ROCKS.

Everyone go click on the ads RIGHT NOW! Every little bit helps!

Is that Bette Midler's 'Wind beneath my wings' I hear?

Keep kicking ass and taking names.

I'm sorry...that's so sucky.
And, I ain't talking about no teets, either.

I hope you find your drean job, dude.

TRUE STORY: I LOVED my job. I was GOOD at my job. End of job. So here I sat at the kitchen table, crying; crying, crying, crying, and asking "WHAT am I supposed to DO NOW!?" and the phone rang. It was the hospital telling me to get to the ER as my daughter was being brought in with a "STROKE"!?

Well, that was what I was going to be "doing now". Tending to, and doing therapy, with a child that had a "STROKE!?"

People at my church said "Our God is an awesome God. He made sure that you lost your job so that you'd be able to be home to care for your child"

After using the last of my strength to NOT hit them in their holy place, I said "Then why didn't HE allow me to KEEP the damn job and NOT allow a stroke to hit my child!?"

Sorry to say but, that was my last trip to church.

You know, we're not 'here' for you because we're all such great people. We just happen to like you. You have somehow (in a more appropriate way than this sounds) touched us on some effed up level and now we can't help but see you as a friend. A friend we want to see do really, really well. You know how there are some people in life that do well and you can't help but feel a smidge irked by it? And then there are those couple of people who do well and you can't help but feel like F*CK YEAH, HE TOTALLY DESERVES IT? That's you.

How do we do a group hug over the internet?

Matt, you are so right.

Ok, so you won't post the gory details here....what about King of the Cubicle? hehehe

Danny - Having been in your shoes, I know it's scary. But I think your attitude is spot on - for me, being laid off was the best thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to rethink what I was doing and what I wanted to be doing and how I was going to get there. My next job (this job) has lasted 6 years, and I love what I do and who I do it with. Here's all the hope in the world that this continues to be a good (if nerve wracking) thing. Make sure to give Hot Wife extra foot rubs though - she deserves them on principle.

All we can do is our best.

And life is scary.

The end.

I too have felt the sting of a corporate “slap in the face” kind of layoff. As a former health teacher, I worked 8 years as a corporate trainer. Made pretty good money but hated the work. For the last couple of years I’ve been running a program for teen pregnancy prevention. I run sex ed programs for middle and high schools in our area. Every day I get belly laughs that nearly make me “christen my panties with tinkle” as I once so eloquently heard. I am able to form young minds and help them develop opinions about sex. I tell them little nuggets of wisdom such as:

• You will actually go blind if you tug on that member of yours like there’s no tomorrow.
• Ladies, contrary to what your boyfriends may tell you, they don’t actually turn “blue” if there’s no release. They turn fluorescent green.
• Pull and pray is, in fact, the most reliable form of contraception around. Forget the condom! What a waste of shrinkwrap.
• Yes, guys you are right. If one condom is good, then 10 must be best! In fact, put the whole damn box on! Condoms for everyone!

I do what I can for today’s youth. I’m livin’ the dream, Danny boy..L-I-V-I-N’.

My point being, something better is just around the corner!!

A few years ago, my husband quit his job to go somewhere he thought was better. After 2 weeks, they cited "budget difficulties" and let him go. We were devastated. (For the record, I couldn't feel my legs either!). He found another job. One of those "good enough" jobs and soon thereafter, his original employer wooed him back with a hefty raise, incentives and a hell of a lot more respect. It took that type of a move for his boss to realize what he had lost. So, even though it was scary and sickening when my husband was laid off, it obviously happened for a reason.

It certainly seems that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't know what that reason is, but it presents itself sooner or later. I'm glad to hear that you have such wonderful family and friends supporting you. And hopefully soon you'll score yourself a bigger, better, more satisfying career.

In the meantime, does this mean we can expect daily DGM posts? 'Cause I certainly wouldn't object to THAT...

So, what's next on the plate for you? (Not lunch, I mean.)

Sounds hopeful, but I would still like to read some lambasting..
It's okay. We'll still rally around you!

If you don't tell us what happened, how will I make the right poppets (voodoo dolls)?? And how will I know where to poke 'em??

I am glad that you found your web to be so strong - it's always an awesome feeling, discovering that the safety net is truly there and that it not only catches you, it'll stand you back on your feet if you let it.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

not to go all cliche on you, but... you reap what you sow, my dear brother.

You are a kind, loving, generous, friendly, intelligent person. And those are the kinds of folks who gather around you. Everyone wants to see you do well, because we all love you so much.

Getting fired, or laid off, or whatever the fuck you want to call it sucks.

Hope you find something soon, and something better, D-Boy. Best of luck!

Taking the high road totally sucks ass...but I understand and completely respect you for it. I was sad to read about you being laid off. My dad lost his recently (although he quit before they could lay him off), the same week his brother passed away. It's been a rough road, so I get where you and Hot Wife are coming from. I'm so glad you have a wonderful support system to get you through this. Sometimes during the worst times of our life, we really do see such an outpouring of love and support and it makes some of those times the best times. Just know that there are people out there thinking of you and your family and wishing you well, even if we don't comment on every post. Much love to the entire family.

Funny thing. A co-worker was talking about a family member who got laid off.

I said, "Hey, I know a guy who just got laid off too."

Then it hit me that I actually DON'T know you, in the sense that you wouldn't say what's up to me at the shopping mall. Well, you might, once I chased after you screaming, "Hey, aren't you Danny Evans?!? I read your blog!!!"

But like everyone else has been telling you, you touch our lives every day. You willingly give pieces of yourself to us to laugh at (with... laugh with) and relate to. I know if I actually did know you on a non-cyber level you'd be a great friend. And that's why I said "I know a guy..."

I'm glad you found something good in a crappy situation.

Awwww... I hate being number 36; all the good comments are already taken. So... ditto what they said. Good luck Danny!

Like I tell Hossdad, funny always wins. So keep up the funny and keep a semi-inappropriate joke in your pocket for that inevitable job interview.

I'm a true believer in things happening for a reason. And, no, I'm not one of those people who's never dealt with tragedy and can easily say that. I've lost both parents, my sister to suicide, had a brother severely disabled in an accident, and the other brother who suffers from shizophrenia and hydrocephalus (water on the brain). And yet, I feel like one of the most blessed people in life because those things have put every, single thing in clear perspective for me. That's not to say I never complain (Lord knows I do my share of it!), but I really do believe everything works out the way it's meant to and that, somehow, the silver lining always shines through.

Best of luck to you, Danny! We are all rooting for ya.

I definitely understand about reluctantly taking the high road. I wouldn't even know where to begin in describing the "people" who I escaped from at my last job. I'm glad your support system came through for you, and hope things keep looking up till you can't even look down.

If I had a teet, I'd offer you a suckle! Does that horrifyingly gross thought count?

So, since you are taking the high road, does that mean those vulture wings are starting to sprout? Because if they are, then there's your ticket to your next job. Think of the publicity and how you'd totally kick ass on the next installment of "Survivor".

Seriously, I'm glad you have such a great support system. You've touched many, many people in a positive way - your good karma will reward you soon, I promise. Good luck!!

This blog entry seems rather appropo for DGM.

http://strugglingmanager.wordpress.com/2008/05/07/serendipity/

WOW so sorry to hear you lost your job. It's scarey to say the least,I know because I talked my BF into taking a job that had been head hunting him for 3 years,and then after passing all the training,and schooling,they decided to let him go!. We later found out it was because he wouldn't do something illegal in the interest of the company! I'm glad he kept his integrity. But with a mortgage and kids it was very scarey. His old boss called him becasue he had found out through the grapevine about what had happened,and offered him his job back without the loss of senority! and get this..a 2 dollar raise!lol So maybe it was all for the best,and maybe whatever comes your way now will be better then what you had! Lot's of luck,hope all works out well for you and yours.

You're gonna come out of this just fine, if not even better. This is a chance for you to choose not to settle for something less than you really want. This is a chance for opportunities you never saw coming to present themselves. This is a chance for you to do something you've always dreamed about. You have the freedom now, the only thing holding you back is you. Don't be ruled by fear. Trust in hope, love and trust in yourself.

DGM rocks! Hang in there, man. Things will come together for you!

I could hire you as a Manny. The pay sucks but the pantry is full and we've got a dog.

Awakenings rock.

Wow. Sucktastic. I was there last summer, but luckily found a new job that's just as good at sucking out my soul. Good Luck to you! We'll all be reading to see what happens next!

It is fascinating how much people you have never met can be so supportive. I keep learning this lesson. When you write for people you are sharing part of yourself with them-the good and the bad. We all support you Danny and I know things will be on the upswing soon! (your not flipping off the screen are you?)

Um, YEAH Iron Man kicked ass! Doesn't it just make you wanna go punch some dude clear over a mud-brick building? Cuz that would be awesome.

I wish that I had posted earlier but so many people who are so eloquently saying what we are all thinking, what the hell am I supposed to say? Well if there was not massive layoffs in my school district, I would have loved for you to come and teach my teachers hoe to write referrals with bite. I am certain that with your word smith skills, we would easily be able to change dumbass behavior. Seriously though, whatever you need let BG know. Maybe he could get you a record deal....

I wish that I had posted earlier but so many people who are so eloquently saying what we are all thinking, what the hell am I supposed to say? Well if there was not massive layoffs in my school district, I would have loved for you to come and teach my teachers hoe to write referrals with bite. I am certain that with your word smith skills, we would easily be able to change dumbass behavior. Seriously though, whatever you need let BG know. Maybe he could get you a record deal....

F***in' A...I mean as a newbie to DGM I am already completely an addict and love your stuff. So by all means keep the low road, keep the good stuff and coming and keep your damn chin up.

Danny, as I think I had mentioned before, I too was canned a month ago. In my time off, what with all my blogging and photo taking, I realized (or chose to "see"), that I needed a break from life. My time away from work ended up being the greatest blessing ever. Obviously I don't know your circumstances but the only way to deal with these things is to take it all in stride, spend a week going back to bed when the kids leave for school, do things you couldn't do before in the middle of the day and then use those networks to find a job. I have all the faith in the world that something wonderful will come along. Because I believe in karma. And the world loves you. The gentiles and the Jews, we all love you. So something will work out before you know it. Until then, do as I did and download lots of porn (j/k Hot Wife!)

Danny, as I think I had mentioned before, I too was canned a month ago. In my time off, what with all my blogging and photo taking, I realized (or chose to "see"), that I needed a break from life. My time away from work ended up being the greatest blessing ever. Obviously I don't know your circumstances but the only way to deal with these things is to take it all in stride, spend a week going back to bed when the kids leave for school, do things you couldn't do before in the middle of the day and then use those networks to find a job. I have all the faith in the world that something wonderful will come along. Because I believe in karma. And the world loves you. The gentiles and the Jews, we all love you. So something will work out before you know it. Until then, do as I did and download lots of porn (j/k Hot Wife!)

Having been sucker punched by a divorce last year, I know that the feeling of falling all alone truly sucks. However, as you pointed out, discovering how many people are around to support you and help you back to your feet is amazing. I discovered the true meaning of family and friends during the few months that followed, and am now happier than I have been in the last 7 years.

Enjoy the little time off you have, appreciate your family, friends and some peace and quiet, then get back out there and kick some ass doing something you actually enjoy. Maybe even try a hobby that you couldn't before. I started brewing my own beer earlier this year and man, its sweet.

All the best.

I've survived two layoffs due to companies being acquired by bigger companies and it's no fun...The initial shock of your stomach shrinking to the size of a walnut and the blood leaving your extremities to keep the major organs still working is not a good feeling. I've survived and even prospered and you will too...all the positive energy being directed to you, from those of us who don't know you personally but love you, will bring even better things to you. Just enjoy each day as it comes..

Just adding my support to your already huge network! No wonderful words of wisdom available but do have a generous supply of well wishes!

Whilst I'm happy to be a supportive blog reader I'm afraid I have to keep my lactating teets to myself, so I'm pleased you've been offered them elsewhere. 'Cos in our house "booboo" cures all.

Dan-bo! Long time lurker, first time poster...
Listen man. I got laid off THE SAME DAY as you did. (So I guess that makes us kindred or some shit.) Look mate, I've been through this ruckus before and my advice to you is: REVEL in it, bro! This Universe has a crazy habit of handing us golden blessings that are cleverly disguised as shit-sandwiches. One day, you're going to be laughing your ass off over this, trust me. The last time I got laid off, I had a new and better job (read: lower a-hole factor) that paid almost DOUBLE what its predecessor did - and in no time flat. I can't believe I wasted one iota of sweat over the whole affair. Dude, you're way too loved for something awesome to NOT happen to you. It will. Know it. And love from Australia! :-)

As a writer, working for a company fairly recently "acquired" by a large corporation that embodies all that is uncreative, I only hope that as my responsibiities continue to dwindle to a point where someone realizes that I'm spending my days, not working, but rather reading your blogs, that I'll be similarly supported by my friends and family.

And, it warms my heart to know that people far more talented than I am, are out of work. Though...I'm sorry your situation brings me comfort.

Man, that's screwed up...really.

You're stuck with us behind you. Sorry about that.

It's Bill Conti, dude. But I hear ya.

I have no words of wisdom. Just... luck to send your way, and gratefulness that I too have felt that support come out of the floorboards and assist my own life..

DGM,
I tried to post on the other blog but I had fumble fingers,lost it and then got pissed cause it was a funny...I digress. We went through 18 months of being unemployed. Just remember a few things and I swear, she'll still love you in the end when you get a new job.
1. If you feel the urge to imbibe while not in Hot Wife's company, don't drive. The male mind is tricky in the unproductive state.
2. Only let yourself feel wussy about your predicament for oh, say 15 minutes a day because you've got to keep going forward.
3. Never sleep in like you don't have a job. The kids asked way too many questions (8,6,13,15) and it wasn't easy to avoid the "where will the money come from? question. They don't need to know that crap.
4. I don't exactly know what you do besides make me laugh with your writing, but, don't forget that HW may make many a suggestion while feeling the need to solve things and keep it together...it's all we have sometimes and it makes us feel like we're "doing" something.

My HH got a job in Chicago and we stayed in NC for this school year while he commutes. We are now selling a house and trying to move. It was hard, but it wasn't the worst thing we could have gone through. We managed to pay all our bills, had healthy kids and life is back to normal, somewhat. Just keep faith in yourself and all the things that are great in your life. Yeah, it can be hard, but staying focused on the positive will take you a long way.

PS If you're a financial guy, my HH might be able help or might know someone who can.

Perhaps that carefully placed box of dogshit you previously mentioned to me could come in handy once again ...? Or maybe it's better to be creative and come up with some new and equally fitting response.

I was laid off five weeks ago today and it hurt like a motherfucker. But I chose not to take the high road but lambasted my former employer on my blog (of course never really naming the company because not only am I a bitter low-road kill but I am also a chickenshit and was afraid they would sever what severance they gave me). And while it felt good, no GREAT (!) to out my previous place of employment as the building full of egomaniacs that it is, it felt even better to get so much support from my friends and family, from friends of friends, from my post man, and from the people who read my blog. What have I learned from this? Corporate America sucks butt but the "little people" are really freaking awesome.

As everyone said to me when I was laid off--congratulations. I still kind of want to smack anyone who says that to me because I have yet to find a new job but I know what they mean. It will be for the best, everything will be ok. I'm just antsy to turn that into the present tense and not the future.

From one unemployed blogger to another--breathe in, breathe out. Congratulations, good luck, Mazel Tov!

Having been wallowing in my own work-related self-pity, I hadn't checked in with Dad Gone Mad in a few days. I apologize for sending you this belated virtual hug. The cosmic wake-up call my husband got when he was fired was, as others have said before me, a gift. Your loving family and friends and lovers of your blog are here for you.

Isn't it amazing when your Outlook contacts come alive?

Your next path will appear before you faster than you think. Can't wait to see what it is.