I burned the turkey burgers.

“You have to watch them, Danny!”

“I was watching them,” I said.

That was a half-truth at best. I was clearly cognizant of the fact that the BBQ was on, and I obviously remembered placing the mostly frozen patties on the grill. But in terms of my attentiveness to them thereafter, “watching” may be a tad aggressive.

Couldn’t help it. This weekend presented a parade of distractions great and small:

For reasons beyond my comprehension, I decided to investigate the Facebook phenomenon. I made my own page and hooked up with some friends, and I’m here to report the thing is a timesuck of apocalyptic proportions. I’m dumber for having dipped my toe in that water – but I’ll still kick your ass in Scrabble if you’re not careful.

My alma mater advanced to the finals of the College World Series, which is important because given the shitty education I got there, at least I have the athletic department to trigger a modicum of allegiance and pride. “Fresno State University: We won’t make you smarter, but…um…GO BULLDOGS!”

It was a shade below 9,000 degrees in Southern California this weekend, and although I would like to have been outside trying to obliterate the wicked farmer tan with which I branded myself at the U.S. Open last weekend, the smarter play was to sit in the conditioned air of my living room and run my electricity bill into the stratosphere.

After seeing the new Indiana Jones movie last week, my son expressed an interest in seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark. I rented it, only to learn when I got it home that I’m hopelessly old. Raiders came out when I was 11 years old – 27 years ago! Harrison Ford looks like a Bar Mitzvah boy in the movie. Still, I sat with my kid Sunday morning and showed him one of the formative films of my youth. His review? “This is boring. There’s too much talking.” How many years will it be until he starts saying the same thing about pornos?

I’d been hearing a lot of positive buzz about a movie called Lars and the Real Girl, so I rented that, too. Hot Wife and I watched it Sunday night and thought it was really, really good. Thought-provoking and quirky. Written by Nancy Oliver, who was nominated for an original screenplay Oscar and also wrote several episodes of Six Feet Under. I’m sure others have their own interpretations, but I found it to be a fascinating statement about mental illness, its origins, and the power of loving one another. Highly recommended.

Time to check the turkey burgers.

Comments

Ha! I saw Hot Wife there on Heather's page and I thought: "It's only a matter of time......"

Do you mind if I "borrow" that slogan (mascot altered, of course)? My alma mater's looking for a new motto and I'm thinking we Sycamores could totally get behind that one...

Go FrSU!!

I deleted my Facebook account because it was taking too much of my free time away from me. Not because of its "social networking" benefits...

No, it was from ignoring/deleting/blocking all those thousands of requests for applications and friends and poking... I just couldn't take it anymore.

be careful that scrabulous will take over your life.

Loved Lars and the Real Girl...

Have you seen Death at a Funeral? Totally different type of movie, but hysterically funny.

You're right, Facebook is a total waste but I'm on there at the encouragement of my kids. You think you can kick my ass in scrabble? You're probably right, but I'd like to see you try anyway. My usual opponents are an English lit PhD candidate and a comp/rhet PhD candidate. I always beat the comp/rhet kid. The Eng. Lit kid is my daughter; we're pretty evenly matched although she has some experience in kicking my ass. I've sent you a friend request on Facebook...if you want to play, let me know. Cheers!

ahh... The old facebook time-suck... I found that Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) and Wikipedia do the exact same thing to me. I have burned cakes, ignored phone calls and forgotten about entire work days with those lovely sites.

Not only is Faceplant a complete waste of time, but people you don't want to admit knowing are always the ones that find you first!

My husband and I both grew up in small towns without red lights. Another theme we saw in the "Lars" movie was the small town "everyone knows everyone else's business." It kills you when you're young, but you begin to appreciate it when older. We loved the movie and found its premise totally realistic...small town protection of their own. You know, the type of places where they hand you a tissue before you've started the sneeze!

Backpacking Dad, I'm on facebook so I can see photos of a friend's new baby. To be honest, I really don't get it. Why not call a friend or meet them for lunch? Why do we type messages to friends? Please help me understand.

Danny, it just takes practice. You can barbeque dinner all week and I promise I won't complain. Deal?

Facebook is supposed to be MySpace for adults. Both are rotting our minds faster than Tila Tequila.

Loved Lars. Also worth renting is Dan in Real Life. We did both in one weekend, so had quite a real experience.

BTW, there are 500 results for Dan Evans, so if I don't find you, can you add me? Type in Ronica and I'll probably be at the top of the list. You'll notice me--I'm the only blonde non-Indian whitey, to paraphrase Michelle Obama.

And I'll play Scrabulous with you any time. I had one game where I used the words "wrinkly", "hernia", "jeep" and "fart" all in the same game. Doesn't get much funner than that.

Just pile them high with cheese and you won't even taste the char. (Could use this tag for just about anything, by the way)

I love, love, loved Lars and the Real Girl. I was recommending it to someone the other day, and he was stupefied by the notion that a community would rally around one of its members by playing along like they did. It really pissed me off, this reaction, because my community probably would NOT rally around me and play along if I needed them to. Shitheads.

Crap. The US Open? Southern California? You live where I live and I know that you have no balls! May we never, ever meet. I would say something horridly inappropriate and make an ass of myself, I know it.

Although, I will check out Lars and The Real Girl.

I can't get hubby to watch Lars in Real Life with me, we finally watched Charlie Wilson's War..which was awesome.

Don't you California people all have pools to get in when it's hot?

Just to try and explain a little about the Facebook phenomena - whilst I do much prefer ringing people up on the phone or writing letters, it's not always that easy, given as I now live in Japan. What with the time difference and the cost of interntational phone calls (I just got charged $70 for one), Facebook is an easy way for me to stay in touch.

Advertisment over - it does suck way too much of my life away.

Oh, and check out Bo Burnham, if you haven't already. He's a young comedian from Boston and is very droll! You might enjoy it.

I've officially lost the wife to Facebook. I'm convinced the website flashes subliminal messages to keep people stimulated. Think the Betty Ford has a Facebook addiction program?

Lars and the Real Girl? GREAT. Ryan Gosling is a GOOD actor...not just an empty piece of man meat...ala The Notebook.

Hey there.

I, to the disbelief of all who know me, have JUST found your fabulous site...and laughed my ass off...your writing is sheer genius, and I'm Scottish and hard to please.

Anyways, I thought that I'd take a break from scouring your archives (I'm up to Sept 2007), and delurk to tell you that Husband and I watched 'Lars and the Real Girl' a couple of months ago and thought it was phenomenal. The kind of film that gives me a wee ache in my stomach when it's unbearably sweet, whilst thinking, 'this is suck a cool film'.

Anyways, gotta get back to my reading.....but before I do, I have to say that one of the things I love about this site, is the way you write about your family...you obviously ADORE them and hunny, that's enough to win this Scots chick over!

I love reading your blog and I will continue to do so....and I would love to add you to my friends on facebook...all that being said, I have to correct you. Please don't be offended... It's GO DAWGS!!!!! I just want you to cheer for the correct team!

Just a suggestion... but let's just say this was part of my husband's anniversary gift for a reason: http://www.brookstone.com/store/thumbnail.asp?wid=18&cid=1801&sid=180102&cm_ven=Search&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=Bidword&cm_ite=remote%20meat%20thermometer&gclid=COPOkoqGjJQCFQyfnAod0mI1WQ

Saw Indiana Jones and I freaking flinched every time someone punched him! I'm all "Would you hit your grandma with that 2x4, dude? Jeez! He could fall and break a hip and you're just never RIGHT after those hip replacements!"

It really did suck some of the fun out of the movie.

If you want to be really timesuckalicious, try Twitter, oh my lord, let the brain bleeds begin.

Good luck with those turkey burgers.

Anissa M
www.hope4peyton.org

I hate you and your a/c. It was smouldering here in northern southern california (huh?) and it was as hot inside as it was outside. So suck it.

pffft anybody can say "Go Bulldogs" this year and have a 100% chance of looking like you knew what you were talking about! ;-)

See if you hadn't dropped me on twitter I coulda offered you the good seats behind home plate I had available to me. ;-)

Brendajos

Indiana Jones had too much talking? Gee, I remembered it had a lot of action. I wonder if movies in the future will be nothing but action?

"Harrison Ford is a 1/4 Jewish, not too shabby"..
I think you had something with the Bar Mitzvah boy comment.
And Hot Wife, I totally understand your confusion with Facebook. I'm trying to stay away from it, although my husband likes it.

My Mom, who knows I'm nothing but a Buckeye fan, but who also loves to shop at Sam's Club, came across a Bulldogs romper once. She thought it was quite a bargain and purchased it for my kid. Why, Mom? Why?

I tried to sell the thing (with tags still attached) on e-bay for a whole quarter...and no one bought it. Go Bulldogs, my ass.

Nobody has mentioned what an enormous time suck the new Indy Jones movie was. Man it sucked. And can you believe I don't have myspace, facebook, blahbittyblah...? I see a computer all day at work, and I refuse to look at one at home. I do yelp occasionally though.

I was in the O.C. this weekend and I almost burned my ass off. Turns out it was equally hot here in the bay area while I was gone, so I really didn't miss anything and got the benefit of an air conditioned hotel. Yay!

Scrabble? I'm the ass-kickiest. Kick yer ass at Scramble too (Boggle).

Oh Facebook, how I loves the Facebook.

porn has talking?

You're rooting for the wrong Bulldogs. Go Georgia Dawgs! :)

I love your site. Found you thru Piper at Bliss in Bloom.

Facebook is meh when it comes to the whole "networking" part - but I love me some scrabulous. I have a game right now where I'm about to hit 300 - holy CRAP! :cough: yes, I AM a nerd.

When I first saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest I thought Nurse Ratched was O-L-D! When I watched it with my kids a year ago she had changed into a young little nurse!

I've been on facebook for a few months, and I swear I've already lost years of my life to it and its scrabble application. Its a wonder I get anything done during the day!

I rented that movie last night- only made it about halfway through, but I really like it so far! Mr. C decided it was too boring for him- kinda like your son's reaction to Raiders, "there's too much talking". ;)
I spent the weekend running someone ELSE'S electric bill into the stratosphere- unfortunately when you live by the coast, people don't think it's necessary to install A/C. :( Hopefully after this past weekend, they've all learned their lesson! :)

Something about a man having a relationship with an inflatable doll just seems so...1970's porn.

We rented all 3 Indiana Jones movies this past week and are now prepared to see #4. We all agreed that #2 sucked hard.

Facebook is ridiculous... but yeah... I am addicted. Raiders of the Lost Ark was one of my favorites as a kid, but back then they didn't have Indiana Jones plastered all over cereal boxes like they are doing now. My five year old HAD to have the Cocoa Krispies in order to get the light up Indiana Jones Adventure Spoon inside. Have to admit though... he scored with that one.