It would be a much easier decision if she didn’t have those fleeting moments of puppy-like enthusiasm, if she didn’t occasionally show us that despite her otherwise decrepit state she can still trot and play and live. Sometimes we look at her, then look at each other, and in that brief silence we confirm the uniformity of our thinking. It’s almost time. Not yet, but soon. We know this. We believe it. But then she’ll find it in herself somewhere to be what she used to be, if only for a few seconds. And then we’re not so sure.

The questions hang in the air like dust. Is she suffering? Is this it? Does she know?

We don’t know. That’s the truth.

Our home is littered with the sad realities. They hang about like cobwebs in the corners – clearly there, clearly begging to be wiped away, but ignored because nobody wants to confront them. Nobody wants to have to consider their genesis, their meaning, their foreshadowing of what we all must face eventually: she’s going to die. Not yet, but soon.

We must use this moment as a teaching tool, yes, but what will they learn from our decisions? I look back at the last time and try to draw parallels – emotional, educational, rational. But I was 20. It will be different for them. They have never known life without her. We’ll talk with them, perhaps cry with them, try to help them deal with the loss. But the grown-up stuff – the actual decision to euthanize their dog – is too intense for their young minds.

But they see her. They know. We’ve discussed it with them, told them that Rusty won’t be with us much longer.

“Yes, sweetheart. She’ll go up to heaven to be with Jimbo. Not yet, but soon.”

I have paused frequently these past weeks, to let myself feel this. To let myself realize how it feels to have to make a decision about a life or the termination thereof. My mind has wandered, instinctively running away from the weight of such a concept. It feels awkward to admit that, but there it is. The dog is sick. She’s lost weight, lost pep, lost control of her bladder. It should be an easy call. But it’s not.

Because she still does have those fleeting moments of puppy-like enthusiasm, and then we're not so sure.

Comments

Oh... I am SO sorry. I wish that nobody had to make those kinds of decisions. I wish you all the best...and hope that the memories you carry of her will help you through your new phase as a family.

I spent the wee hours of yesterday morning cleaning up dog vomit, drinking my first cup of coffee at 4:00 AM in the backyard while watching my dog heave, all because she ate something she obviously shouldn't have. She has downed chicken bones, a one lb. chocolate bunny, underwear, and even a breast pad (covered with breastmilk...mmmm). Her slobber and hair is everywhere, and right now she's barking incessantly at some old lady walking down the street. Really? Does she look like she's going to break in?

This dog of mine drives me crazy most of the time. But, right now I'm going to scratch her head and take her outside for a fetch.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. We made the decision to try to hang on to our dog for as long as possible, but now my husband tells everyone that we never should have. It wasn't fair to the dog. A few years later, our cat got sick and we let her go because we knew what we had went through with the dog. It is hard because you love them so much.

This brings back memories. My dog was the same. Then it got down to 2 nights in a row of vomiting black looking stuff. Turned out to be blood, and stomach cancer. When I took him to the Vet the next day he sat there in the waiting room all perky and tongue showing happy face. When I said we were there for euthanasia everyone looked at me like I was a monster, but the Vet said he was surprised it didn't happen sooner. When the kids got home from pre-school I told them I had taken Sasha to the vet and now he was in heaven. About a year later my then 5 year old asked me, out of the blue, what heaven looked like. "I don't know Sweetheart." "Well, what did it look like when you dropped Sasha off?"

I still think about him. The girls still talk about him. We have had several other dogs we have loved and lost since then. The decision is never easy. It's sort of like having to use "tough love" on your kids for their own good. Except the "tough love" is on you.

I am so sorry for your impending loss. There are no words that can comfort the experience of losing a pet.

I brought in my sweet pup just about a year ago. This may help:

We were leaving to go on a vacation, and I knew I couldn't have the teenager who usually took care of her do all the things I had recently begun to do (change bedding twice a day, bathe her daily, clean up her "transgressions") so I called the vet and asked if she could recommend a pro. She said what I was providing her was basically hospice care and that it is very common for dogs to die when their owners leave them with strangers.

I decided I'd rather be holding her in my arms than let her go it alone.

It was just brutal, and I still miss her all the time.

Still, I am glad that I did it, and I am glad that I was holding her.

Hang tough,

Laurie

So sorry you and your family are going through this. It is never ever a simple decision to make. Wishing you strength and peace for you all.

Awww, I'm so sorry. We have a beautiful Golden, too. I feel for you and the kiddos! Sorry, again. ((hugs to the family))

http://www.sympathypain.com/shelbyremembered/
It makes my heart hurt.

Please trust that you will know when the time is right to release her from her pain, just as you have always made the best decisions for her. I'm looking at my 10 year old Standard Poodle who has been through multiple surgeries in recent weeks and is having a hard time recovering. My heart hurts for you. Be kind to yourselves in this tough time.

I'm right there with you, man. Just put my dog to sleep last weekend while the kids vacationed with my folks. They don't know yet, but we've been preparing them for a quite a few months now. Everyone said "you'll know". And I finally figured out when. Still, it was harder than I thought.

Good luck. Hang in there.

I am so sorry for you all, to have to go through this. And sadly, the decision doesn't get easier the longer you put it off. Take care.

I am so sorry for you all, to have to go through this. And sadly, the decision doesn't get easier the longer you put it off. Take care.

I'm so sorry.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

We are a Golden family too. We have had two, and had to put down one. It still breaks my heart years later. They are the best dogs in the world, and what makes it so hard is that they love their "people" so completely. You will know when it's time and, as hard as it is, you will do what's best for Rusty.

I can't even imagine. I can't even think about it.

delurking to say: I'm sorry about your puppy. She is beautiful.

I think you'll know when yet comes. I was in the same position with my 16 year old cat. We knew it was soon, but not yet. It was obvious when it was time. It made the decision easier, but not the process.

I am so sorry. This must be so difficult for you.

{hugs}

Meredith

Hi Danny,

I just discovered your website a few weeks ago and I've been voraciously reading through all the back entries.

I had to de-lurk because I just got the very first dog of my life (I'm twenty-six) last Wednesday. She's a twelve-pound, one-eyed, four-year-old rescue, and she's already the most wonderful thing in my life. So I am especially so sorry that Rusty will soon be gone. I wish y'all the best.

Hugs,
~jj

p.s. [insert fart joke here]

Oh it breaks my heart for you and your family. Rusty looks so much like our Data, who we put down when his hips finally were done after sixteen years. He was such a wonderful dog and honestly it is still hard. We know we did it as late as we could, but it is never easy. My husband and I have our own dog now and that day in the future when it is her time...that day haunts me. I am so sorry for the loss that is coming. She looks happy and like she has had a wonderful life.

So sorry to hear about Rusty.
She's beautiful.
I hope she's in good spirits and in no pain.

You'll know.

We were disappointed with our Golden Macduff because he never became an airline pilot like we thought he would (he's so smart and handsome!). He's in his later years now, and we are in complete denial about losing him some day. I've never lost a pet - not even a fish - and I expect that it will be "difficult."

My Zen wish for Rusty is that everything goes as it should, not to be rushed or prolonged. I think what everyone is saying is that you will know when to help her. You all have my best wishes for peace and strength.

On a related note, I am looking forward to watching the Yankees sweep Boston tonight. I will have a good thought for Jimbo.

I'm sorry you are faced with making that decision. And I know it's not a lot of comfort now, but it is true that you will know when it is time.

Giving my Etta an extra squeeze tonight--

We still have not been able to get a new pet after the loss of ours 8 years ago. It hurts, to think of what you're going through!

At least there's this: When she's gone, it will be much easier to remember back to when she was her young and peppy self. These hard days will fade, and you'll have the memories of earlier times. So will the kids.

I so know the anguish you're going through. When it's time, you usually don't know. You (meaning I) generally don't know until it's past time. And then the guilt sets in. But too soon leads to guilt, as well. My heart breaks for the grief you'll be experiencing soon. Enjoy the time you have with her now.

I will be thinking of you and your family. Pets are not just animals for some people; they are members of the family, and she would want you to ease her suffering when the time came. Take care, Erin & Midnight

My brother and SIL just went through this with their labrador. She was very old, her hips were bad, and she had become incontinent. If it's any consolation, their two boys (7 & 5) handled it better than all of us grown-ups.

Rusty knows she is loved and she will be thankful for you for making the sacrifice and taking care of her needs one last time.

This hurts me to read. I can only imagine what your family is feeling. I am so sorry.

We just had the palliative care meeting with our vet about our 11 year old shepherd. It breaks my heart to see her in pain and it breaks my heart to think of the alternatives.
I get it.

I am plagiarizing this and it is not my poem.

I have had to make this decision for two of my beloved cats and each time I cried for days, but I read and re-read this poem to help me through. This is what I told my nephew when he asked about what had happened to Baby Kitty & Turbo: "When you love someone so much that their pain is your own, you know that some times the kindest act of all is to let them go." I also kept the ashes of my pets and that helped my nephew understand the finality and it gave him a tactile item to help him "lay" them to rest.
I don't know if the poem will help but here it is:

A PET'S PLEA
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you much do what must be done
For this, the last battle, can't be won.
You will be sad- I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand
For this day, more than all the rest
Your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many happy years
What is to come can hold no fears
You'd not want me to suffer, so
When the time comes, please let me go.
I know in time you too will see
It is a kindness you do to me
Although my tail, it's last has waved
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
Don't grieve that it should be you
Who has decided this thing to do
We've been so close, we two these years
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

I totally feel you. Max is not what he used to be, either. My husband won't even talk about it but I know we will be making that kind of decision soon. My husband says as long as he still wags his tail when he sees us walk through the door, he is still fine.

Hi there...I'm sorry you're going through this. We lost the dog I dumped on my parents when I left for college last year, and it was heartrending. Her companion, a great black lab mutt, is 12 and probably won't be with us too much longer. It's so hard, you don't want to let them go but you worry it's not fair to keep them. I hope when the time comes, you're at peace with it.

I have a cat, who is only 2, almost 3 years old, and the idea of having to put her down tears my heart to shreds. I'm so sorry you have to go through it and I hope that when it is the right time, you'll find some peace in it.

it really f-in sucks when children have to be exposed to this.. shit i am 26 and my parents just had to put one of their dogs down and I cried.. animals are wonderful family members, i just wish their life spans were longer.. you guys are in my thoughts..

Of course it's not an easy decision. She is a part of your family. I am so sorry you and your family has to deal with this. Your poor children. Hugs to you all.

P.S. Your dog is a beauty!

I have had these thoughts about our cat, he's only 8 now and our kid is only 2, but I know someday the cat will be gone and Sam will never have known life without him before that.

I'm sorry you have to make the decision, but happy that you care for and love Rusty so much. She is beautiful!

I'm terribly sad for your family's impending loss. Wish there were something I could say to make it better.

When the time comes look for a book called "Dog Heaven". My kids and I read it when our dog died and it's beautiful and comforting.

http://www.amazon.com/Dog-Heaven-Cynthia-Rylant/dp/0590417010/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1217214814&sr=8-1

We're right there with you, Danny. We are struggling to know when the time has come for our 13 year old Lab, and the pain is awful. You don't want to have to make that decision about your dog's life...Thinking of you...

My heart just broke...and there are tears in my eyes.

Rex gets extra hugs and love tonight.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry about your impending loss.

I put my 13 year old cat down 3 years ago. Believe me, you will know when the time is right.

I put two of my labs down within 8 months of each other. They were both 12. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Telling my kids and taking them through it was also incredibly hard. I wrote an essay about it that was published in Newsweek, it details how I handled it with the kids. It worked for us and the kids seems to transition through it pretty well. I hope it helps you. http://www.newsweek.com/id/46533

I'm sorry about your pup. :(

There will never be a right time. I'm so sorry.

Our vet was kind enough to come to our house to put my dog down.

I wrote about it here.... http://blissfulreminders.blogspot.com/2007/12/my-dog-willow.html

Your sweet puppy looks very happy and has had such a wonderful life with you all. What a wonderful dog!

I'm so very sorry. We had to put our sixteen year old fur-baby down in December. Even with the crippling arthritis, deafness, damn-near-blindness (yes, we caught him barking at the air conditioner .... almost funny if not so freaking sad) and bladder control issues, it was still one of the most heart-breaking decisions of my life.

Anyone who says "it's just an animal" has clearly never had a pet that is loved as much as any human member of your family.

For what it's worth, Rusty is beautiful.

I hope you get many more days of puppy love from her before it's time.

I went through this with one of my precious cats a year ago. We were told in April 2007 that he had two weeks. We took him to regular vet visits and she told us that he was the toughest little guy she'd ever seen. He made it until the begining of July 2007. He was just as you've described, there were moments when he acted like himself again. He was only four, so he still had a lot of that kitten in him, but he was so sick. When it was actually time, we knew without a doubt that the day had come. We took him in for an emergency visit and the vet confirmed it. We were there with him the whole time and he went peacefully and, I hope, knowing how much we loved him.

This is a very hard decision to make. But you will know when it is time, she will let you know in her own way. I'm so very sorry.

My heart hurts for you.

Loving her as you do, you'll know when the time is right She'll let you know when she is ready to watch over you from another place.