The part of fatherhood I find most challenging is determining when to push my children to do something outside their comfort zones and when to let them set their own boundaries. I most frequently err on the side of the latter, mostly because I don’t want to put up with the whining and kvetching inexorably linked to the former. Like me, my kids are creatures of habit. They know what they like, feel strongly about what they dislike, and are only subject to try new things if the alternative is suitably painful.

We made our annual pilgrimage to Disneyland on Tuesday. For the past eight years, a part of me has dreaded these trips because the areas of the park most suitable to little kids are far too mild for a world-class daredevil like me. You can only spend so many summers in Toontown, so many hours waiting in line to meet Sleeping Beauty, so many dollars on Buzz Lightyear sippy cups before you feel compelled to impale yourself with a $9 churro.

But yesterday was different. My son will be eight years old in a couple of months and I decided it was time to introduce him to the real Disneyland – Tomorrowland, Adventureland, BigBoyland. I pushed him outside his comfort zone. I convinced him to join me on Space Mountain.

For the uninitiated, Space Mountain is an indoor rollercoaster that goes quite fast – and does so in complete darkness. You can’t see where you’re going until you get there, and that fact adds an extreme element of excitement to the ride. You are at the whim of the track. You can’t prepare for the next turn or dip because you literally cannot see it. Hot Wife and I both call it our favorite ride at Disneyland.

The Champ was clearly nervous during our 45-minute wait in line for Space Mountain. I tried to soothe him by pointing out all of the other little kids in line, by telling him it wasn’t as scary as he was making out to be, and by reminding him that I’d never do anything that put him in harm’s way. None of that shit worked. I thought seriously about abandoning the plan; I’m not trying to freak the boy out. But I ultimately decided to go through with it, hoping that he’d enjoy himself and feel good about trying something new. Maybe he’d surprise himself.

When we finally sat down in the rocketship-like car that would hurtle us through the darkness, I looked over at him and saw complete terror. I grabbed his hand, squeezed it, and said, “I think you’re going to like this, bud.”

He looked back at me, said nothing. But if his eyes could have spoken, they would have said, “Get me the fuck off of this death machine.”

Too late.

As we blasted full speed ahead, I made the brilliant decision to howl all the way through the ride. That way he would know I was still there, still having fun, still not dead. There was no other way he could have known those things during the ride; that’s how dark it is in there. Every 10 seconds or so I heard him howl too, which I took as a great sign. Maybe he was enjoying it. Maybe he was glad I had pushed him. Maybe he was having the time of his life.

Then again, maybe not.

Comments

And as his eyes pop out of his head in fear, and his father whoops it up, the poor boy feels his entire day slipping into his pants. Hope you took some extra underwear for the child.

We went to Disneyland when Ash was almost 4 and she loved Space Mountain. Loved it so much she left joyous claw marks in my arm.

Whether he liked it or not isn't the point. The point is that you now have this awesome shot of absolute terror etched onto his little face. And from now on whenever he's giving you problems you can whip it out and ask if he wants you to make him look like this again. And you can put it in his senior yearbook with a caption like, "Awww! Him was sooo scared!"

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Look at the girl behind you, Danny. She is waiting for something exciting to happen. She looks bored.

That photo will definitely come back to haunt him. Actually, it already did.

Love the picture...what a memory to make! It's good to have you back.

Hi Danny - Loved this post - can't wait to have a boy of my own to try this out on. Priceless picture - save that one for his graduation/wedding/driver's license.

Twenty years from now, he'll be in therapy, saying, "It wasn't enough to terrify me and force me into something. Oh no! He had to humiliate me by keeping a picture of the event, and showed it to every girl I dated in high school."

Great photo... so much potential for future torture it isn't even fair.

Wow! At least your son could sit NEXT to you! At Disney World, in the Magic Kindgom, Space Mountain isn't side-by-side like that...each person has his/her own little single-file ship. I rode SM at the tender age of four with my dad in the seat behind me. Apparently I screamed my head off the entire time (screamed as in bloody murder, not hollering "woo-hoo!"). As soon as we were off the ride, I turned and said, "Again, Daddy?!?!?" I've been hooked on coasters ever since!

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Danny, that picture is priceless! Thanks for the laugh...

Danny, I love roller coasters, but even that ride freaks me out a little. you should have tried Splash Mountain, that's my fav! Unless you guys don't have that at Disneyland (I'm from FL ,so it's Disney WORLD)

he shouldn't feel bad, though, since the boy behind him looks even more freaked out then him

Awesome ... but are u sure there wasn't a lightsocket in there that his finger or toe is stuck in?

And when he sees his friends, he'll say, "Oh yeah, I went on Space Mountain. No biggie. My dad was screaming like a girl the whole time, but I was totally cool." And he'll want to do it again next year.
Sigh. I was going to go this year for my birthday (since SM is now remodeled and all that) but I had to go and get knocked up. DAMN.

Perfecto.

Seriously, that kid looks like he needs his pants changed. Poor little guy.

We were at WDW in Sept'07. My daughter was 6.75 years old. I was so proud of her as she rode every big kid ride that was open. Space Mtn, Tower of Terror, Everest, just everything. It allowed me to have some fun too. She was quite the daredevil. I did push her a little at first, but it only took a nudge.

Awesome. His eyes are talking, and they say "'Get me the fuck off of this death machine'".

I am really curious to know what he said to you afterwards. Did he thank you? Or swore at you? Or was in complete state of shock and quiet?
Was he wet? Or dry? Did he throw up?

Are you saving all of that for the next post?

Classic! My son (who'll be 8 tomorrow) and oldest daughter (just turned 10) love Space Mountain (we're at DisneyWorld in Orlando). I HATE IT. I ride it because they are adrenaline junkies who'll ride anything they're deemed tall enough to ride, and I generally love rides, but Space Mountain freaks me the F out. It's dark, our seats are single riders, three to a car (different than yours, one seat behind the other) and I can't see my kids at all during the ride. I have fears that they'll go flying out of the car. I know better, but still.

The picture is priceless.

OK, that photo was worth the $20 you probably had to pay for it.

We do DL every year with our kids also, but, having three boys 5 yrs and under, we're still Dumbo-ing it... Soon though. Soon.

Another entry that made me laugh too loud at work. Great picture. What did he say afterward?
That girl behind him won't help his manhood any.

LOL. That is awesome. I hope you have some other kids - cuz you are NEVER getting him on that thing again!

I am laughing so hard I am crying! Look at that photo! Classic! My own "almost 8 year old" has never had the nerve to do Space Mountain. He loves Indiana Jones and Tower of Terror has him crying to almost stop the ride. You should have started him on something like Thunder Mountain first!

Thanks for the morning laugh!

Dude. That's just wrong. But funny!!

My 6 year old rode a horse (UNTETHERED FROM ALL THE ADULTS) for the first time last month. They gave him the hungry one. You know, the one that stops every 5 feet and maybe even goes the other direction to find that tasty tidbit?

I'm taking him back in 2 weeks. Should I ask for the same horse? hahahaha

I had almost exactly this experience at Disneyland about 15 years ago. Only, the person in your place was me and the person in your son's place was my mother. She was articulate enough to shake the safety rail and slice the air with the words "get me the fuck off of here" as the ride slowed to a stop. She had to sit down for an hour afterward. It was classic. Too bad we didn't buy the picture...

I took my daughter (at the time she was 5) on the Tower of Terror. And when i say "I" took her, that loosly translates into "it was her idea". i told her it was going to be pretty heavy for a little squirt like herself, but she insisted. she stayed fairly composed until she saw the Wife after the ride. (which was friggin' awesome) Tears insued and i recieved a verbal tounge lashing from the Wife. When we picked up the picture, i swear to Fonzie, Daughter 1 looked @ me and said..."look how much fun we had Dad."

That IS the best ride...I used to work at the Bob's Big Boy that USED to be across the street from Disney and went at least once a month or two....never got tired of that ride...never...sigh.
He'll get it soon.
He's got to.

That picture is AWESOME! I'll just keep coming back here all day when I need a laugh. When I was in 1st grade, and about to go to Disneyworld, some kid in my class told me that if you fell off of Space Mountain you'd land in your bed at home. Dumb-ass.

Please come explain to my coworkers why I'm laughing out loud uncontrollably! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm DYING!

We're going to Disney in October . . . Dude will be 8 in a month . . . I REALLY want him to try some bigger rides with me (we've never been to Disney) . . . I am 100% certain that is exactly how he'll look if I can manage to drag him onto one :-)

My Dad took me to Disneyland when I was a little younger than Champ. I wanted to ride the "train". Daddy painstaking explained that it wasn't so much a train as a roller coaster, a scary roller coaster that I probably didn't want anything to do with it. So, of course, I became obsessed and pestered incessantly, and his last words to me were: "Once we get on this ride, I can't make it stop. You have to just hang in there. You can't change your mind once it starts moving."

Approximately twenty seconds into the "death by train" ride, I began screaming "Make it stop Daddy, make it stop! I wanna get off!" Needless to say, when we took my sister to Disney World a few years later, I refused to ride anything but the teacups. They're more my style. :)

Aww, poor Champ. I remember being his age at Disney, and chanting "Mickey wouldn't kill me, Mickey wouldn't kill me" over and over again at Splash Mountain.

That'll toughen 'im up.

This post made me have a repeat of the panic attack I had while in line for Space Mountain at Disneyworld. With my husband's assurance that I'd be fine, I shook, mumbled and eventually cried while inching my way to the point where we had to get in one of the cars. It was then that I turned around and "Excuse me, pardon me"'d the whole way out of there and waited for him to ride, then save me.

I am that wimp.

When the ride ended, The Champ was all pumped up on adrenaline. "That was so totally WICKED!" he said, although that may have been said only to prove to himself that he was still alive. When we got to the photo area and saw that picture, I laughed out loud and announced that we had to buy it. While we waited in line he started to get a little weepy and spooked. Currently on the phone with BabyShrink, discussing treatment options for childhood PTSD.

That's AWESOME!! LOL

Space Mountain is fun, but the Rock n' Roller Coaster at Disney World is my favorite. 0-60 in 2.8 sec. And all in the dark as well.

I took one of my sons (now almost 24) on Thunder Mountain when he was 4. (He was big for his age and was able to pass the "you must be this tall" test.) I was certain he'd love the ride as much as I did. Um ... not so much. Blood didn't return to his face for several minutes after the ride, and he didn't return to Thunder Mountain for many years. To help him forgive me, we've taken him and his brother to Disneyland and Walt Disney World many many times since. They both love WDW so much that they were livid when they discovered that my husband and I went without them the minute we became empty nesters. Let me tell you -- there's nothing more fun than Walt Disney World without kids!

I made my mom and two friends ride the Tower of Terror at Disney and that photo looked a lot like this one. I regret not paying the $17.50 for the damn thing, but I just couldn't do it. Especially with my mother and one friend still green and waiting to gather their strength to murder me. No time to wait for photos then!

This is totally priceless. Treasure it always. And in this age of digital, you don't even have to worry about misplacing it or having him steal it and burn it in a sacrificial ceremony!

Priceless!!!! I am also curious how he felt afterwards.....

We took the kids the WDW in August of 2001. Great timing, eh? We all loved Space Mountain, but our best picture came from the Aerosmith Rock'N'Roller Coaster at the MGM park. (Then)11-year-old-Girl's eyes appeared ready to pop out of her skull. Her irises were prominent becuase you could see the whites of her eyes ALL.THE.WAY.AROUND.THEM. Seriously, just TRY to do that in a mirror.

FABULOUS! Scan it and cut his head out, it can be a brand new emoticon! There can be little Champ heads everywhere!

I used to be *SUCH* an adrenalin junkie--I *LOVED* the coasters, the bigger and faster the better. As I've "matured" I find that I'm less able to ride (and enjoy) the coasters. One ride on one of the big kids' rides, and I'm pretty much finished with riding for the day. And I can't tell you how much I *HATE* that. I almost hurled on Tower of Terror. Almost spewed on Rock n' Roller Coaster. Came close to a technicolor yawn on The Incredible Hulk. Damn.

Loved the pic. I'm sure I had that same look on my face on some of the bigger ski slopes I skied in Austria. Yeah, I'd probably not be so brave about THAT anymore, either.

So I'm drinking from a glass of water while I'm reading this entry and when I get to the picture I about spit it all onto the screen in an effort not to choke on my laughter! Awwww, poor champ! He looks absolutely petrified. I rode Space Mountain for the first time when I was 9 and probably looked the same way when I got on it -- this was pre-side-by-side configuration of the cars. When it was over, I couldn't wait to do it again. Better luck next year.

Oh my god, is he ever a cute kid! Poor little guy, I know how he feels though, when I went on that ride I was wide-eyed the entire time too. I think I thought that if I opened my eyes really wide I might be able to see what was coming next.

I have a few pictures JUST like that. First one is from when I was about four years old, and my entire family was riding a roller coaster together. My father and brother have the biggest 'glee-mixed-with-terror' grins you'll ever see, whereas me and my mother look like the grim reaper is waiting for us at the end.

But now when I go on roller coasters, I'm the one with the 'glee/terror' grin, and my friends are the ones screaming. I went to Disney World a few years ago, and it was GREAT! Space Mountain was definitely one of my favorite rides, along with Rock'N'Roller Coaster.

We love Space Mountain. But I really wish that when they re-vamped it a couple of years ago that they had imported the Disneyland Paris design: from a dead stop blast you up into the ride, corkscrew twist, then upside down. All in the dark.

I could ride that sucker over and over again.

that's how i looked my first time on space mountain too ;)

THAT is PRICELESS!!!

This is the best picture I've seen in a long time. : ) I have a similar memory of my dad talking me into going on space mountain when I was 10. He was all, "This is the best ride ever! It'll be so much fun! It's not scary at all!" Well, I remember being scared shitless the entire time and feeling like my head was going to fly off of my neck, but seeing how excited my dad was about riding it with me is something I'll never forget.

That picture rocks the house.

I just went on Space Mountain for the first time a few months ago. I was so excited to take my 5 y.o. son because he likes rides but my 10 y.o. daughter doesn't (and I face the same dilemma about how far to push her out of her comfort zone, but it's all I can do to get her on Mr. Toad's "Wild" Ride). The ride is just as you describe--too dark, too loud, too much of everything sensory. When it stopped I looked at my son and he wore the same expression as yours. Then he said in a stunned voice, "I wasn't expecting THAT!" I thought he was going to cry, but he paused a moment and said, "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!"

My 6 year old and I rode Space Mountain in Disney World. He rode in the very first car and I was behind him. I kept thinking I was going to break my neck every time we whipped around a corner. He just kept screaming "This is AWESOME!!" over and over.

PTSD, Danny? There's nothing Post about his face in that picture. It's ALL During.