1. The phrase “I just threw up a little inside my mouth.”

2. The Real World on MTV

3. My skinny, virtually nonexistent calves.

4. The shitty taste of things that are supposed to be great for your body (I’m looking at you, wheatgrass).

5. The ridiculous, embarrassing penchant of American political candidates to slash, burn and take giant shits on the reputations, achievements and motives of their opponents.

6. The hockey offseason.

7. Any sentence that includes the words “I can has” or “nom nom nom”.

8. The ever-growing size of soft drink cups at fast food establishments. Since when did ordering a medium Diet Coke at the drive-thru require the usage of a forklift and tie-downs?

9. Eye boogers

10. The rampant infatuation with bands that really aren’t that good, namely Radiohead, Wilco, the Jonas Brothers and Sigur Ros.

11. According to some of you, me (based mostly on item #10).

12. Any show that begins with the words "America's Next Top".

13. The long-standing silence of Snarkywood.

14. Cancer.

15. Fear

16. The rate at which my children are growing up.

Comments

Amen. Preach it, brother.

I cans has total agreement.

I really thought that the people they put in the drive-thrus that can't speak English would have made the list...

Mr. Noodle

#7. yes! yes! hell yes!

can i add my own things that need to die??
like gladiator sandals...and people using their faceyourmangas on twitter???

and i will choose not to comment on what you said about Radiohead.

You have skinny baby cows?

Well, I completely disagree with #7 (the LOLs are still funny to me). And Radiohead is no Wilco, the Jonas Brothers or Sigur Ros. But your #13 won you extra points. I STILL miss Snarkywood.

I've a friend who already has his funeral planned out to include much in the way of Radiohead playing as we recall his greatness. I asked he allow me to die first so I wouldn't have to listen to a loop of 'Videotape'.

I'm good w/ all of those except for #1..that still comes in handy every once in a while..
I'd like to add Hana Montana

Add this to your list:

Danny's shitty taste in NHL hockey teams.

Smooches.

"The rampant infatuation with bands that really aren’t that good, namely Radiohead, Wilco, the Jonas Brothers and Sigur Ros."

Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you.

Totally agree with the Jonas Brothers. Why sound like you're finishing up taking a dump at the end of every sentence? Stop already! It's annoying.

#13-16 I agree 1000%.

Can I please add the mullet? It wasn't attractive before and it's really not attractive now.

And if you have a mullet, I apologize, but cut it now!

Bless you for speaking the truth. I especially hate "I just threw up in my mouth a little." Fucking hackneyed is what it is.

#10. YES! Add Portishead to that list. Sad that people keep listening to these sh*tty bands, which keeps them firmly in the limelight.

Any email that starts Fwd:Fwd:Fwd: You MUST read this, so funny!

Okay, you can't lump the Jonas Brother into the same sentence with great bands like Wilco or Radiohead. The Jonas Brothers are the modern day equivalent of the Backstreet Boys, except they hold real instruments and play pretend much better. With Radiohead, you either love them or you hate them, there doesn't seem to be much inbetween on that one. But all I can say is that the only people who aren't in the "I love Wilco so much I would have their baby" department are the ones who haven't REALLY listened to their catalog of music. There's something there for everyone. Not to mention the fact that these guys are TRUE musicians.

As for Sigur Ros, I'm still trying to understand the fascination with those guys. I'm sure its something I'm missing but, I've lived this long without it. I think I'm doing okay.

I'm with you on #1, #2, #7 and #12. ESPECIALLY #12.

Are we now calling the Jonas Brothers a band? Huh.

Please add:
-Disgruntled grocery store workers
-The 405 freeway
-Outlet Malls
-Junk mail

I would like to nominate the 'beverage of choice spewing out of someone's
nostrils, etc ' to go in the dead pile.

Please.

Love. This. Post.
I may be guilty of indulging in a few of these things from time to time, but I hate myself for it as much as I hate the items! If I get sucked into one more "Americas Next Best"... show, I don't know what will happen. I'm losing brain cells by the episode. Enough already!

I will second that, Danny, and I would like to add letters/numbers that all
go together into a puzzle when I am just trying to post a comment.

Amen.

If you had better tastes in music you'd be a genius.

Nom Nom Nom! I consumes this post with voraciousness! I can has seconds?

And I thought I was alone in thinking that those freakin' cats were just as funny without having horrible grammar!

Ahhhh. (new reader here) I just returned from a visit to El Pollo Loco (coupon in the mail at the very moment I was lamenting the closing of my local Moe's). I ordered a med iced tea. Upon receiving the drink I said "oh no I ordered a medium, this isn't mine". Yep it was. A lifetime supply.

No, no, no. Radiohead = good. The rest (especially Sigur Ros who sounds like they are sneezing into a microphone) = shitty.

I hate "can I has" love "nom nom"- but only if your "eating" a baby,, god that sounds strange.
I love radiohead.
Are you fucking with us or are you bringing the snark back??!!!
I agree, kids grow up way too fast.

Not saying that I agree with the use of the phrase in #1, but it really does describe well what sometimes happens....

Danny, perhaps you can come up with something better that we would all feel more comfortable with? Maybe that could be the next post we all participate in along with you.

Now #6 I am in TOTAL agreement with you on. Who needs an off season? Go RANGERS!

Yes, I especially agree to my kids growing up too fast. Tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of my 27th birthday (which is where I agreed to stop aging, 29 is just too cliche...) and my son starts Kindergarten.
Happy birthday to me, here's a wrinkle for thee, greying hair is the ruuuule, and your first born starts school!

Real World is still on MTV? Wow....oh, and I LOVED the Snark and was so sad it was shut down - BRING BACK THE SNARK!

...I love it when shit just HAS to die

I think you missed:
PMS, pediphiles, slutty pre-teen girls, men in spoedos on the beach, Olympic badmitten, sychronized anything, grocery store lines and metro bus drivers

Just a wild guess here, but TentCamper you are a male correct?

Amen to number 14!!!

CANCER MUST DIE....before it takes another life of another innocent child.

One is too many...and yet every day another child is killed by this dreadful disease.

Signed,
Mother of Angel Olivia Grace

I mostly agree with these, although #1(and sometimes #7) has it's place. I'd like to add telemarketers...please wait for an associate to answer your call...funny I didn't call, you did and at 7am.

Also people asking to touch my belly. Do I know you? No? Then hell no. Can I smack you?

Best. Post. Ever.

I've got another few for you.

* 3l337 H4X0r 5P34k
* being fluent in Klingon
* Multitasking (doing lots of things poorly instead of doing one thing well)

Again with giving me these erections, DGM. And I don't even have dick. What is with you?

Although the thought of you drinking wheatgrass -- instant cold shower.

Sentences. Like. This.

Hockey season: Fall's only redeeming quality.

I'd like to add any sentence that starts with "I can has..." Seriously, what the hell?

May I please add to the list the non-word "Squee"?

Thanks, feels good to get that off my chest!

#1...YES, PLEASE...NOW!!!

I actually agree w/ you on #10, but I think I might like Wilco...been meaning to check them out more since they did SNL last season.

What about over privliged celebutards that drink & drive and spend little if any time in jail?? What kind of example does that set?

And also Republicans. The age of old white men dictating to people not even 1/2 their age? It's over.

Can you add "experience" to the list.

For Example- I go shopping, I don't have a retail experience. I go for an interview to get a job- I don't have a candidate experience followed by an employment experience. I don't experience ice cream, I eat it, and I don't experience my car, I drive it, and I sure as heck don't have a sensory experience- I look/smell/taste/hear/feel.

Could you also add any TV show with the word "makeover" in. I can't really justify why, but I don't think I need to.

Grrrr- these things are first against the wall when the revolution comes. vive la revolution!

I heartily agree with most everything on your list and especially #13. But putting the Jonas Brothers and Wilco in the same sentence? Check out Nels Cline on electric guitar; dude can riff.

Kids growing too fast: my husband informed me today that my 6th grader "only will be living with us for 7 more years". WTF? This is assuming of course she goes to college any way...no, no, she is getting the boot anyway.

My vote is my 1 year old stop pooping in the bathtub. funny once, not funny daily.

I second number four, five, seven, fourteen and fifteen and would like to add these to the list:

17. Sauerkraut
18. Monotone voices
19. Dust bunnies

Can we add consumer debt? That shit sucks, too.

I threw up a little bit in my mouth when I read #5.

Oh and I object #17. Sauerkraut must live!

I agree on the "I can has," but would add to that list "I has," and, more importantly, "I has moar." I can has no moar of this LOLCat bullshit language.

way to go, you hit the nail on the head for ALL of those; esp the jonas bro's...I mean really?

I second all of the list except where you include Radiohead... c'mon, you gotta love "Creep".

But really in agreement with #7 - I can has no moar LOLcats

Great list what will you think of next 10 reasons why men touch their balls.Oh wait I haven't read all your archives so you may have already done that one.

BRING BACK SNARKY!

Hmmm ... per tina's comment. I think a list of the 10 reasons why men play with their junk would be awesome. Really. We women want to understand the opposite sex. We're having major gender gap discussions at my site this week. Maybe you can take this on from the male perspective? Junk Touching 101. One reader emailed me today asking why men like blow jobs so much. I think I'll take that up in a post later this week. Because, being female, I'm sure I have the perfect answer for her.

I can has SHOTGUN to pop a cap in the ass of whoever thought this was a good idea? okthxbai.

I'm in ur comments, bitching about those motherfucking lolcats.

PEOPLE TYPING IN ALL CAPS - that shit is annoying as hell.

People who don't know how to drive.

Snarkywood! Bring it BACK!

Hideous shower caddies

Like, you know, teenagers who, like cannot, you know, utter a complete, like, sentence, without, like, saying "you know" like a bazillion times.

I agree! EXCEPT for the Real World one. I'm a 40 year old woman who watches Real World every single season. It's embarrassing! In fact, my guy and I get into the most heated battles while watching it. It goes something like this.

"Whore!" he says
"You're a fucking sexist!" I say
"Can you not see that she's a whore?" he asks
"Well if she's a whore then he's a whore, too!" I reply

Does this mean we're shallow?

Nodding to everything EXCEPT! The Jonas Brothers and Wilco should NEVER be in the same sentence. Because Wilco rocks.

I can has agreement with number 8?

The other day I was in Subway for my noon nom nom nom and asked for a medium sized soda cup. What they gave me looked suspiciously like a large ones. I don't mind embezzling fast food joints and taking advantage of their mistakes but I actually like Subway + I wasn't gonna put more fat and sugar into my already fat body. I repeated my request and was told that is a medium. To prove their point, they took out all the cup sizes and the current 'small' was the same size of a medium some years back! The large just made me gasp. :s And we all wonder why this generations have more obesity rate than previous generations.

Thank you. I can't stand Wilco.

I agree with all of these, including the ones in previous comments about, like, teens, like using like, like a million times in one sentence. And now my grandchildren are growing up way too fast. It seems like just the other day when I drove a thousand miles to hold the first one, and he will be 12 next month.

Can we add "Net, Net", "Win, Win" and the oh so dreaded poke me in the damn eye with a stick "there's no I in team". If I hear those again I'm going postal and I have a list of those I'm visiting before I have to reload.

Alright, Hot Wife's comment makes me really, really need to see this shower caddy, instead of just single-really needing to see it.

Gasp!! How could you knock down the Ultimate Guilty Pleasure of all time...America's Next Top Modal (I know that was what you were referring to).

I'm right there with you on #14, buddy. Lost way too many people to that fucking disease (including my wife and father, within a month of each other). Maybe we just need to buckle down and eat more wheatgrass.

As I'm regaining composure after an amazing RADIOHEAD concert at the Hollywood Bowl last night, You forgot one of my favorite pet peeves as of late... using "EVER" as the end-all to all subjective sentences. For example, "The Radiohead concert I saw last night was one of my greatest concert-going experiences EVER.

Don't dis Radiohead or I will get on a plane, find out where you live and then SLAP YOU DOWN man. You have been warned.

Otherwise, carry on.

PS - never heard of Jonas Brothers - I don't think we have them (yet).

Why *are* drive-thru drinks so effin big now? When I get a medium it won't even fit in the cup holder! And why is it so hard for them to understand I want *icewater,* not a bottle of tepid water, that came out of a tap anyway!

Dude, what did the Cookie Monster ever do to you?
"Nom! Nom! Nom!"

*sigh*...I do miss the snark.

Detroit's Mayor.... I am sick of hearing about his court dates and I am sick of the traffic when he is in court!

...see I used it last night in a sentance..when I heard Mrs Clinton speak, I threw up a little in my mouth.. I knew I still needed that phrase.

I must protest, b/c I love "I just threw up a little inside my mouth.” -- it so covers the experience of disgust that you are having at the time!

I'm also adding fashion trends that only fit people who are shaped like really thin 11 year old boys. Eat a hamburger!

Man I couldn't agree more, except for 3,6 & 11.

wait, hockey has an off season?

Add Coldplay on there, every time I hear them I want to throw up a.....oh.

Fucking amen on the America's Next Top. Unless they have an America's Next Top blogger and then God knows we'll all be tripping over ourselves to get to it.

Wow! I just found your site via your guest spot on Redneck Mommy. I do believe that I'll be becoming a regular. I love your sense of humor!

Oh and I want to add Telemarketers/Surveyers/PeopleOfferingMeALoanThatIDidNotRequest to the list of things you want to DIE. While your list is great, I just felt a need to add the one more item.

I'm voting for the phrase, "I'm getting my ____________ on"

Hate that one.

#14 needs to move to #1

the eye boogers got me.......

I can save you from part of #4. Rather than listen to people who who heard from people, actually read up on wheatgrass and see that it is complete bullshit and no more good for you than eating other comparable greens you probably already eat (and like) like broccoli and spinach.

As an avid Hockey fan (from MI) I completely agree with #6! There should be no Hockey off-season. Can't wait for it to start up again so my beloved WINGS can repeat!

People with no talent who are famous being famous

Over-the-top airport security measures

Mom Jeans (seriously, do you really think they make you look good?)

People who use anxious when they mean eager. Get a clue, people!

Personally, I love cancer. But, I agree with you that Radiohead sucks and are totally overrated.

You can't take eye buggers away from me you anti-snot beast! What are all of us allergy ridden, snot-producing miserable people supposed to call the constant plague of yucky we've been forced to live with our entire lives? Please reconsider your stance for the sake of all the Allegra popping people who could not live without this phrase.

Another thing that needs to die......"that being said". OMG !, I hate that. If you said it, you said it, so why point out that you said it??

could i please have an example of a sentence that includes "nom nom nom"?

How about adding ''I digress'' .. Everyone is digressing and it's distressing.

So..... how's it working? Any successfully dead yet?

You forgot the most important one: the 2008 Presidential Election. I don't just throw up a little in my mouth. I projectile vomit.

I'm adding my own personal vote to the list. Please, croc shoes. Just die already. You are ugly and I don't give a crap how comfortable people say you are!

If your calves disappear, then they'll REALLY be non-existent...

"and so forth..."

Oh, how I loved Snarkywood! I used to go in and reread all my favorites, send links to all my friends, and my daughter, just as addicted as I was, would call me excitedly every time there was a new entry. If someone would start it up, I'd volunteer to snark. I'm very snarky. Just ask all my friends.