I now have less than one month to finish my first manuscript for Rage Against The Meshugenah, and the closer I get to that deadline, the more real this experience feels. We’ve been working on copy for the back cover of the book, assembling a list of authors from whom we’ll solicit blurbs, and generally bringing this whole thing to life. It’s at once thrilling and extraordinary stressful – which explains my absence from this site as of late.

There was a brief disruption in the joy yesterday. Since the day I learned the book would be published, I have dreaded the fact that I’d have to pose for a so-called “author photo.” I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, but there are two things I cannot stand: the sound of my recorded voice and the image of my face.

We’re all our own worst critics, and I assure you that this is not me wallowing in self-hatred or self-pity. These are the simple facts:

• My head is shaped like an almond.
• I stopped wearing my retainer about two weeks after I had my braces removed, and over the years my two front teeth have attempted to overlap one another (without asking my permission first).
• I have a large nose.
• When I smile, my left eye closes a little bit. Kind of like a pirate.

I strongly considered paying a professional photographer to take my picture, hoping perhaps he or she could use lights and mirrors and special lenses to make me look less like Seabiscuit and more like someone with two opposable thumbs.

But I realized yesterday that taking such a posture flies right in the face of the book. The stigma associated with depressed men often causes us to pretend we are someone else. Men in our culture aren’t supposed to show weakness or vulnerability because that’s not macho. To truly fit in with American society, we must be hardened, emotionless, and stoic. Show no fear, no pain, no susceptibility to the stress and hardship many of us face everyday. Men don’t cry or complain; we simply put our heads down and run through whatever brick wall we must in order to maintain our machismo. We pretend to be something we are not.

The book is intended to expose what really happens behind that puffed-out chest and manly stoicism. Millions of American men struggle with depression, and I think it’s time for us to cast aside the silly stigma and discuss the disease regardless of the implications on our ego. What good is behaving like an infallible badass if it’s not a true reflection of what’s happening inside us?

It’s time for guys to get real, and a professional glamor shot strikes me as somewhat artificial. Sometimes there’s no glow in our lives, no soft focus. Sometimes we just need to be who we are.

*This pic was taken with my new Sony Alpha a300 DSLR camera, which is the nicest camera I've ever had, bar none. I don't profess to know even the first thing about cameras but I do know what works for me, and the Sony a300 most definitely does. Heck, if it can make my ugly mug look as unintimidating and harmless as it does in the photo above, you KNOW it's a good camera. If you're in the market for a superior DSLR at a reasonable price, I recommend you take a look at the a300.

Comments

Congratulations, you're growing up! That's one of the hardest lessons to learn is to accept yourself the way you are. I'm still in Kindergarten on that issue.

The picture is great - honestly.

Good for you Danny!! And by the way, it's an awesome photo.

I think you look great. Almond shaped head and all.

I really like that photo, actually! I think it's honest, with depth of character, while still making you look more handsome than you give yourself credit for :) It's flattering, truly!
Congratulations on coming to that point of honesty with yourself!

The picture is great!
1. You should definitely always a blue shirt in pictures, to go with those eyes.
2. You should totally email Amalah and make her post a How To for Men on the Smackdown. That would be a blast. You might want to do it soon, though...I hear she's going to be tied up in the near future.

If anyone picked up that book and saw a straight toothed, airbrushed, catalogue dad they'd put it straight back on the shelves. Being from the UK I don't realy like to use Americanisms any more than I have to but I believe this is all part of "keeping it real". From a fellow real life Snaggletooth (see blog pic if you doubt me)

If you don't like pictures of your face, do something odd - use a picture of your feet

You must have forgot the eye patch and the gold hoop earring for that photo shoot.

That photo is perfect, truly. You look just enough of a dork to be approachable.
:-)

You're hot! Just the way you are. And you have the heart and personality to go with it

Wow. Powerful stuff. Unbelievably, it would appear that all your dick and fart jokes are going to be a part of a book that is going to be very important. Very important. Bring on the meshuganuh. I can't wait!

PS Almost in defiance of all evolution, that almond-shaped head/crowded tooth/pirate-smile mess came out very handsome :)

Great picture...and great post. I'm with whoever it was above that said the picture makes you more approachable...sorta Dad Next Door vibe. I will be waiting patiently at Barnes and Noble before they open the day your book comes out!

You had me with the smile lines.

:)

I like the candid pic. You've inspired me to think about updating my own profile /author pic that I had done by a professional, with lots of lights and of course touch-ups. :)

Aw, you're totally cute. I'm sure Hot Wife thinks so too.

It's a nice picture, full of honesty, smile lines and {did I spot ?} a dimple. :) Thanks for sharing yourself with us and I hope you pick that picture, it's a nice one!

If you were single i'd date you- Hot Wife is right on Target- YOU'RE HOT!

Well, it appears that the almond headed, snaggle-toothed, pirate-eyed, large nosed seperates go together perfectly to form one handsome guy! I think you look super cute in that picture and, like your Hot Wife says (you need to listen to her, she's a smart cookie!), you look great just the way you are.

I think you look like a real live honest nice guy with a great sense of humor. Chicks dig that. :)

In my head, I'm Cindy Crawford, in person, I'm reasonably attractive, and in photographs, I'm the bastard offspring of Jabba the Hut and Courtney Love.

That's a great picture - you look handsome, funny, and kind, and not at all like the progeny of aliens. Don't worry so much.

Great post Danny, as usual. Glad to hear the book is taking final shape, and very much looking forward to reading it.

You are a nut, Danny - what was Paul Newman famous for? GORGEOUS BLUE EYES. The g.b.e. factor more then makes up for whatever flaws, real or imagined, there might be. Plus you have nice skin,, good eyebrows and a cute dimple. In short: ahhh sheddup. And I'm SURE Hot Wife agrees with me, or she wouldn't have turned her Fun Zone into a Construction/Delivery Area TWICE.

Seriously though: Great post.

You look kind.

That's a great picture Danny! DOn't be so hard on yourself m'kay?

What, you can't use a meez or a yahoo avatar or something? I thought we were in the digital age!

(and the pic isn't bad)

At the risk of getting Hot Wife even hotter, you're really cute in a grown-up sort of way. Don't sweat the small stuff. The photo is perfect.

Real and honest is far more attractive than what guys imagine they should be. Who you are is awesome and what brings us all here.

you should do a close up black and white with a tear falling from your eye...

And yet, Hot Wife thinks you're adorable... kinda backs up your idea that it's not all about appearances. Yours is definitely one that emits a kind, funny, honest guy with whom we could all be buds (and grab a beer). ROCK ON!

you, my friend, are awesome. inside and out.
;)

So when you smile, and your left eye closes a little bit, does that raise up your lop-sided nipple?

That is a nice face you have. I like it.

Would it be mean of me to mention the receding hairline?

(Good on you!)

You're adorable, and very "approachable". I'm glad you're keeping it real.

You are beautiful inside and out.
Your heart adds an extra touch to the beauty that you carry with you.
Good luck with it all!

That picture looks great. It's funny how we're always far more critical of ourselves than others.

Thanks, everyone. I wasn't fishing for these compliments, but I'll take them just the same. And for what it's worth, you're all beautiful, too.

Not to get all squishy-and-girly-emotional on you, but that was a fantastic post! As a fellow participant in the Depression Games (as well as the side events on Anxiety Avenue), I could so relate to your push to get it out in the open. And, on a weird note, my left eye also closes a bit when I smile in pics, too!

(I sincerely apologize for my pathetic attempts at humor... some of us are NOT published humorist writers, even if we dream about it at night...) :)

Don't be afraid to be a goofball if that's what your book is about. The best author picture I've seen was an author whose book was anything but serious, and so was his picture. It just worked with the tone of the book. I think that's the best thing.

Is there anyone out there who doesn't criticize photos of themselves? Seriously, Julie Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie (okay, maybe not her) -- they all look at photos of themselves and think, "I've have GOT to do something about that [fill in the blank with imaginary imperfection]." It's who we are and what makes us human. You're human too, so you're allowed to self-criticize.

The non-biased opinions coming in should tell you otherwise: It's a really nice photo. And don't mean "nice" in a "I have to say something nice" sort of way.

Also? Ditto what Jenny said about the blue shirt. Good choice.

Danny, you look real. You don't want anything more or less than that.

Your photo is fantastic. I think it people that look "real" that are the most interesting! We all see flaws in ourselves that no one else sees. Your face looks like a face that smiles a lot, and that's a great look to have.

Plus, if it makes you feel any better, I always feel like my photos look like a caricature shot.

Bravo. I just posted my first picture last week. It was big time.

I love your blog and think you're cute as a button!

I really really love the photo.

However, the thought of you in a feather boa and sparkly eye shadow (a la glamor shot) has me very intrigued. you might just try it, as a backup.

Man, if you're going to be down on yourself, at least be truthful-- you have a face for the Internet.

But I think it'll work on a book jacket, too. It's a nice picture of a regular dude.

Now MY picture, on the other hand, could be nothing but some horrible half-human freak with a face for cave painting. And my voice could totally out-irritate and out-humiliate yours.

I don't think you look like Seabiscuit at all. In fact, I think that's a rather nice picture of you, (not that I know you) but it's a nice picture. And I can't wait to read your book. I'm relatively new here, but I love your perspective.

Awesome post, Danny. Your bit about depressed men really hit home. Thank you.

Danny, you big dork. You seriously have no idea how adorable you really really are. Really.

i'd probably touch your hiney. looking forward to the book!

Thanks for being a great reminder to those of us men who also face depression.

And the pic by the way is great. Hotwife is gonna have to chase them off. :)

Great post and great picture. I think is normal to hate looking at our own photos. Atleast, I think most people hate it.

Sure you look Ok, but your I can't help but notice your head is a bit almond shaped . . .

Dude! You are way to hard on yourself. You look great! :)

Looks like my daddy.....just kidding. Good picture, though. And yes, guys with blue eyes should wear colors that allow that gorgeous color to show! I was just talking to my hairstylist about my head shot. Ick. Ick. Ick. But then again, I like very few photos of myself.

I know I'm just repeating what everyone else has said, but I think the picture is perfect. You look like a 'regular', approachable, friendly guy...one ladies would like to date (if we weren't afraid of a smackdown from HotWife) and other guys would like to hang with. I'd much rather buy a book that the guy in THAT picture wrote than a smarmy, air-brushed "pretty boy". Not that you aren't pretty.

Okay- let's get this straight: pretty is NOT attractive on a man! You, sir, are NOT pretty, so rejoice. You look manly (and yes, very approachable.) To a straight (but not narrow!) woman like myself, the Brad Pitts/George Clooneys/Christiano Ronaldos of the world hold little fascination; give me a Sam Elliott/Sean Bean/Tommy Lee Jones kind of man!

PS: The laugh lines truly are sexy...

You may not appreciate it (no one ever does, like you said), but the fact is that you have a great face.

xo

b.

OK, I'm closing the comments for this post now because you guys are embarrassing me. Thank you for the lovely comments about my face. If I ever post a photo of my penis, I hope you'll respond the same way.