Game On
You may have noticed two uneven, pencil-eraser-shaped protrusions under my shirt today, but I assure they aren’t standing at attention as a result of cold weather or lascivious arousal. And no, these are not remnants of my physical reaction to hearing Sarah Palin say “drill, baby, drill” with that saucy Wasillan accent that makes me want to kiss a pit bull on the mouth and then bash myself over the head with a hockey stick.
Alas, these here nipple boners are my body’s default reaction to the news that hockey season starts Thursday.
To borrow a phrase, “Shwing!”
As you may know, I pledge my puck allegiance to the Anaheim Ducks. Because of that, the Ducks are the official NHL team of this here dubbya-dubbya-dubbya. But there are others in and around the blog world who sadly suffer from debilitating mental shortcomings that make them think other hockey teams are worth watching. Scientists are working on a cure as we speak, but in the interim I thought we should have some fun with these folks and their hockey headaches.
Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, please state the name of your favorite NHL team in the comments – and include your email address so I can reach out and laugh in your face when my Ducks beat your sorry sacks.
It's really too bad you like the Ducks. Worst team name. Ever. I pledge allegiance to the Quebec Nordiques aka The Colorado Avalanche. The Lindros / Forsberg deal was epic.
What about the season starting in Europe? Crappy and anticlimactic with the preseason still going on here.
We're Lightning fans around here but I don't have any high hopes for this season so I'll keep my smack talk to a minimum.
I love the fact that I can tell people I'm friends with the world's last remaining hockey fan...and he lives in California no less!
By the way, I think you'll get a kick out of one of my favorite Chris Rock quotes: “Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink, we'll take that shit too.”
The Wings and your Mighty Schmucks can't beat their way wet paper bag GO WINGS!!!!!!!!!!
I hate to break it to you, but it's Toronto's year.
Toronto Maple Leafs.
And even though they have yet to win a Stanley Cup in my lifetime....I bleed blue:)
BRUINS BABY!!! WOO HOOO!!
um. the Leafs.
*ducks head*
Wings Baby, WINGS!!!!
Wings. Even during the bad years, oh yeah that was my entire life until the mid 90's.
Given a choice between dying a violent and painful death where my intestines shoot out of my throat, I bleed out of my anus, and bees make hives in my ears or take your "cure," I gladly welcome the warm embrace of death.
If it ain't in Canada, hockey stops at the east bank of the Mississippi river and advances no further west.
NJ Devils Baby! But I'm kind of forced to watch the "redneck" hockey that is the Carolina Hurricanes.
What's hockey? lol
The Returning Stanley Cup Champion Detroit Red Wings will pluck the ducks again this year!
Tampa Bay Lightning All The Way!!! For some of us, the season has already started pttthhhhh!!!
I just want to thank your Ducks for allowing me to look at Shane O'Brien for the last season+.
C-A-P-S-CAPS-CAPS-CAPS! Love living in a hockey area!
Hockey? Huh? What's that?
Around Wisconsin, the only game in the house is football, and in this house we bleed green and gold. Who know what the Pack will do this year, but that didn't stop us during the long stretch between Super Bowl wins, so it's not likely to change this year either.
Besides, it lets my mother swear like a sailor once a week.
Go Pens!
Dude. I'm sending you an Oilers jersey to wear. And for you to post a pic while wearing it as the Ducks are eaten alive by my Oil this season.
Oct 15. First face off between the two teams. It shall be an interesting night as you weep to me via the computer over what pussies your little chicklets really are.
Vancouver Canucks, and Looooooooooooooooooo! ;)
Really, I'm a diehard football fan (Go Eagles!)
But when asked to choose for other sports, I always default to my Philly teams...so Flyers for me :)
Which is a problem, because I now live in Western NY...yes, land of the Sabres...so I keep my opinions about the Flyers to myself :) (Though I bash the Bills all the time!!)
Wings are going to do it again baby!!!!!! Gotta love 'em!
I'm a proud philadelphia fan. And it's totally ok if you laugh me...we're used to it.
The Charlestown Chiefs. "Old time hockey! Eddie Shore!"
I'm a Sabres chick, please don't berate me too much. You've got to give me some credit for not being a fair-weather fan, right?!
Maybe this year we'll resemble a decent team?
Maybe.
Oilers all the way. Any good players the Ducks have were obviously stolen from us.
Go Avalanche Go
Are you kidding me? The DUCKS?!?! Around these parts, there is no hockey team but the Pittsburgh Penguins! Let's Go Pens!
Can't wait for the Avs to wipe out the Ducks this year!!!
The Colorado Avalanche.
You serious? The DUCKS?
What's hockey?
NY Rangers!!!! I love them, but will settle for the Lightning, since it is only 20 mins from here to go to a game. We always try to go to a game when they are playing the Rangers, and wear our Rangers jerseys. Really I just love hockey, and my son who is 4 now will be a hockey player if i have any say about it!
Red Wings fan....I know, I know.
The San Jose Sharks.
I have to second PandoraWilde with the Wisconsin bleeding of green & gold. And can I say that some evil teacher at daycare taught my poor, impressionable 2-year-old to say "Go Cubs"? Now that's just wrong!
However, I did live in Philly for a while, so I adopted the Flyers since WI doesn't have an NHL team.
The Flames! Yeah Baby!
I live in Calgary and used to work with Todd Fedoruk's dad, so I would always pull for Todd to have a good season, but never his team. :P Now that he is with Pheonix, you guys are welcome to stink it up as a whole. :)
Go Flames Go!
GO LEAFS GO!
GO PANTHERS!!!
Oh whatever, don't you even give me crap. Your ducks are crap too. =)
Colorado Avalanche!
Blue Jackets, baby, yeah!
Danny - Well this year will have its ups and downs for you. First your book is going to rock and the Ducks are going to smell like a dirty old sock.
Flyers Fan ever since Hextall was their kickin' it goalie!
Dallas Stars are taking the cup this year, baby!!!!!
Will my Sharks even get far enough to choke again?
We can sit around and talk shit on everyone else's teams together. Then rub it in their faces when the Ducks win. Go DUCKS!!!
minnesota north stars - what? a girl can dream! (Oh Dino!!)
DALLAS STARS! Ahh, the crisp bite of the refrigerated air, the reassuring sounds of physical contact from the ice...
...and the traditional 'good luck charm' race down to the Old No. 7 Club between the second and third period, to take shots of Tuaca.
God Bless us all. Hockey season is heaven.
(of course, I say the same thing during football and baseball season, too)
Grew up in MI, now living in SoCal. Let's go Red Wings!!
Red Wings 'til I die.
VITA BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hockey is in season? Do I need a license or can I just head out and start shooting?
I am new to hockey. I guess I should be Canucks fan because I live in Vancouver, right?
Red Wings all the way.
What's hockey?
I love the Ducks too. I have to - I am an OC girl. So no making fun of me. And nipple boners? Really? I love expanding my vocabulary by reading your site. I never knew I was physically capable of having a boner and now I do. Thanks for the education. Oh and also .... Your twitters were great last night during the debate.
Have been pouting ever since Minnesota Stars went south. That is so wrong.
Am I the only Rangers fan here?!
Kings, baby. Then out of location guilt...Thrashers.
WI here as well. For how freakin' cold it gets here, I'm amazed that we don't have an NHL team. I use the term "we" loosely, though - I'm an import and will forever bleed the orange and blue of the New York Islanders.
Hartford Whalers. Nope, can't let it go.
Hmm, you just made me want to read your blog a lot more often, if only to rub it in when the 'Nucks kill the Ducks.
Rangers =)
Blackhawks!
Do you have that many readers from Motown? Or have my Wings been adopted by fans all over the country???
Too many Red Wings fans around here, that's for sure.
Go AVS!
I had to dredge up some old (like 15+ years old) feelings on this one, so here goes:
RANGERS! F@%* YOU, DUDE!
No disrespect intended. I lived down the hall from an Isles fan my first year in college, it was a reflex response.
I couldn't name you a hockey team if you paid me $100. The only sport worth watching is FOOTBALL BABY!!!!
Delurking so that Laurie isn't the lone Caps fan. Go CAPS!
"It's a great day for hockey"
Let's Go Pens!
Let's Go Rangers!!!!!
Calgary FLAMES... second fav... Vancouver CANUCKS...
Go Wings! Oh, I can't wait to watch them raise the banner!!
M R Ducks
M R Not
O S A R, C M Wangs?
L I B, M R Ducks!
But... still .... Go Red Wangs.....
North Stars of MN
Ducks drool...PENGUINS RULE!!!!!! Go Pittsburgh!
Well, I sort of hate to admit this. I was originally a NORTH Stars fan. You can imagine why I no longer am. Now, I root for the Hawks. I refuse to give any money to the Wirtz family (although Junior is slowly growing on me). This year doesn't look too bad though. Granted "not too bad" right now involves just MAKING the playoffs, but it's all about expectations. At least I'm not a Cub fan ;) I'm glad to see that I'm not the only Hawks fan here!
Hockey? Is that the game with the chessboard?
*duck*
Well, in Toronto, we're Leafs fans, of course.
And yes, they will get beaten by your team and everyone else's, but isn't that what being a real fan is all about? The sticking by them through the painful years in hopes that one year, it will turn out like the Boston Red Sox, and take everyone by surprise and make your entire year?
My dh is a Red Wings fan. He is trying to convince me to let him go to the Red Wings/Blackhawks game at Wrigley Field in January.
I don't know what's sadder...that I love the blog so much even though you're a Duck fan, or that there's so many Wings fans in the comments. My team is the Minnesota Wild all the way. And even though your team MAY have knocked us out of the playoffs on a couple of occasions, now is our time. Just you watch...
At least here in the frozen tundra, we have college hockey, so I get two bonus games a week. Go Gophers.
Jets, Nordiques, North Stars and Whalers.
New Jersey Devils! But only because one of my favorite U of North Dakota players of all time is playing for them and making a good contribution: Zach Parise!
Ducks, tough to look tough wearing a duck. How about a BRUIN!
Ducks suck-GO WINGS!!!!
Go HABS Go!!!! MTL all the way!
Dee-troit Red Wings!
Wings!
Let's Go PENS!!
The Wings will repeat. No doubt about it. But enjoy your little Ducks games there.
DALLAS STAR'S
Dallas Stars
Dallas Stars
oh yeah, I forgot...we do live near the Thrashers, so we like for them to do well, too. and you'll be happy to know that my daughter, the duck queen, pulls for your team. but just because she likes ducks. and she's 10.
TB Lightning. We've had the Cup and we liked it.
94 comments - and there are only three of us here!? CAPITALS, baby!
ummm, we watch FOOTBALL!! in our house. No men on skates for us. LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE RETURNING CHAMPS.....THE NEW YORK GIANTS!!!
I'll keep reading anyway.
xox
"MN WILD"
Nothing more needs to be said...HA
Capitals Baby! CAPS ALL THE WAY!!!
Pittsburgh Penguins! Go Crosby!
Chicago Blackhawks!!! Best sweater in the NHL!!!