I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why why my cousin Scott decided to post his Bar Mitzvah pictures on the Internet, and I seriously doubt that this explanation has anything to do with character assassination. But I don't know what else to call the this:

That's me on the right, six days shy of my 13th birthday. If memory serves, that's a navy blue clip-on tie I'm rockin', and this was apparently taken in the dark ages, before the invention of a little doohickey I like to call "a comb."

Something is trying to peer out from the bottom of my vest. A belt? A cummerbund? My Arthur Fonzarelli underwear? And look at the way that beautiful suit hangs on my 80-pound frame. Looks like a wet rag hanging on a hat rack.

To my right is my sister, Wondersis. Once, when we were teenagers, she threw a frozen, stale bagel at me and hit me in the right eye. This is her payback.

At left is the aforementioned cousin Scott, who appears to be a half-second short of lighting his right elbow on fire.

I'm really sorry you guys had to see this, but I figure it's wiser to just put it out there than to let you find it by yourselves one day when you accidentally Google "Nerds with freckles."

Comments

Heh. Precious little dork!

Move over, Alfred E. Newman!

(No, seriously. You were adorable. No, really).

Well I see that your sister got all the looks. Oh man that was cruel.

Hey, we should ALL post photos of ourselves at 13 in solidarity. Hahaha! I would never do that. And not just because I don't know how to work a scanner.

Did you see Ratatouille? Yaknow the main character (not the rat, the guy)? You look like that dude in this picture. Did you score the exotic babe like he did?

I have to agree with the commenter (commentor?) above; you are a dead ringer for the guy from Ratatouille. I love it!

Jamie's right. You do look like the guy from Ratatouille. How cute!

That pic is awesome. LOL. Rock the 80s bro. Rock 'em.

This brings me no end of delight. Retro photos are the best.

Now that is HOT.

And stupid, by the way, since you've now given your sister both the idea and ammunition to write her own book, "The Real Danny Evans: You Think He's Funny? Trying Living with Him"

Were you beat up a lot in junior high?

Too funny! I know I would not be happy if my JR High pics were out on the internet!

I have one of my hubby at a prom with some chick. It is really bad. I would post it if I thought he wouldn't divorce me ;)

Awwww... how adorkable.

This is cousin Scott... in my defense, it is only viewable by friends only, not the public. I also posted my sister's Bat Mitzvah which has a younger picture of you too :)

At least they are set to private, and you got Scott on the commentin' bandwagon. Very cute Danny...

You're sorry? I'm not. Seems to me you've posted about accepting your inner geek. Glad to see you've moved on to the outer geek as well.

wow... wow... wow... :)
how old is that picture????
hehehehe

Danny, I think you look adorable in your three piece suit. Your hair & freckles are just like Alfalfa.

Well Marci and I have just revealed what generation we're from. I was definitely thinking Alfalfa too, but I even see a resemblance to Darla in Wondersis. Even scarier, I think Scott looks like he is Wondersis' brother. Were you adopted? You should let your hair grow again, it makes your nose look smaller. You were definitely rockin' the cute factor.

Excuse me while I just grab your cheeks and make cooing noises like you would to a baby... So cute!

Totally. Cute!

if it makes you feel any better, in ALL of the candle-lighting bar and bat mitzvah pictures i've ever been in, i look at least 85% dorkier than you do in that shot. i promise. i mean, DAnny, there were SHOULDER PADS. heh.

I think you look rather adorable.

When I was a 12 year old gawky girl I TOTALLY would have had a crush on your almost 13 year old self.

Aww.. you were so cute Danny!

The frozen bagel in the eye deserves better pay back then this. Wondersis looks nice too! I am thinking something more embarrassing and global.

At least you're taller than cousin Scott. He is probably STILL envious of that, and that's why he posted the picture. (I'm quite short, I know these things).

Never seen a clip on tie "rocked" with such intensity.

I think we probably all looked God-awful at that age. It's a gawky stage for everyone. I could match you in dorkiness if my pictures were ever posted! Like Ali said, we girls had shoulder pads, that should be all I need to say!

I gotta say, I'm not feeling that bad about this photo. If you feel that this is adequate payback for the bagel, then I'm happy because I think I've been paying for that pretty much my whole life.

You were a dork, but a cute dork.

I totally crashed a Bar Mitzvah once and hit on an almost 13 year old boy who looked suspiciously like you, come to think of it. I was the dork with the leg warmers and braces. Remember me?

I am still concerned about Scott's blazer catching fire.

I'm so glad that although retro fashion keeps recycling, feather bangs are still mostly a really bad joke.

Ok so is it me or does young Scottie resemble just a smidge a young Corey Haim?? Am I reaching here? Ck out the link below!!! hehehee. Just a guess here but I'm guessing he bagged all the pre-teen babes. Not that your sweet blue number isn't rockin' the house, Danny...

http://www.youngmalecelebs.net/galleries/haim/Haim153.jpg

http://www.youngmalecelebs.net/galleries/haim/Haim153.jpg

Is it just me or does your young Scottie resemble an early Corey Haim? Not that your blue suit isn't rockin' the house, Danny....

Scott: This is what you do to your friends?? Appalling!!

bwahahahahahahaa... oh, tears, that is SO CUTE.

you're all adorable.

But why ISN'T your cousin on fire? like, did he go up a second after this was taken?

xo

b.

Um, I think your sister looks like Rachel Maddow. And it's unclear if that's a compliment or an insult.

Wow, Ally Sheedy is your sister?

You're all adorable.

Don't worry brother, we were ALL dorks at that age.

You are exactly the kind of guy I would have had a terrible crush on in middle school. And I have excellent taste.
Happy Hannukah.

Awww, too cute! Wishing you a joyous holiday season and a very Happy New Year!

Wow, Ally Sheedy is your sister?

Who looks good in Bar Mitzvah photos? No one. It is a virtual lock for making you look ridiculous.

That's a little too much dorkiness for my taste.

I mean, if I wanted to see a shot like that, I would have opened any of the photo albums at my parents' house to any random page.

Merry Hanukkah!

Those with geeky and nerdy roots become the best men. Now prove it.

u r lucky I like nerd-boys. Tho technically, I suppose it makes no difference.

Your cousin looks like he's about to shove that candle somewhere that would make your vasectomy-posts somewhat irrelevant. Or at the Wielder of the Camera. Just sayin'

Please don't ever do that again! I think I may have just gone into premature labour from laughing!
No seriously. Great pic.