I just got herpes from Dick Cheney.
I just farted in my happy place.
I just let the dogs out.
I just dry-humped Melissa Etheridge.
I just threw up in that person’s mouth.
I just dry heaved and that made someone else throw up in my mouth.
I just threw up in my butt.
I just forgot how to throw up.
I just threw up and it tasted like a Pop-Tart.
I just crapped in my adult diaper.
I didn’t really just throw up in my mouth but I say I did because that’s what everyone says when they see something gross.
I’m thinking about throwing up in my mouth.
I’m presently throwing up in my mouth, so I’d better stop talking now.
See this? It’s throw-up. It was in my mouth a second ago, but I found it kind of pointless to keep it there so I opened my mouth and now it’s right there. Sweet, huh?
Mouth throw-up. It’s what’s for dinner.
Mouth throw-up. The other reddish-orangish-brown meat.
I really need to find a different blog to read.
I may have just thrown up in your kitchen. It's only in the corner though. I think your dog found it already. No worries.
My dog just threw up, then she ate her own vomit, then threw it back up in my mouth.
I've always hated that cliché. I remember your opinion on it and I flinched when I read it in the comments. Good alternatives.
And my son actually threw up in my mouth once. Way grosser than my own throw-up.
Possible alternative: "I haz eye boogers. Nom nom nom."
I just smashed up a Xanax and snorted it, hoping it would take effect quicker after having read this post.
My 4yo daughter told her brother that sometimes, when she burps, she pukes in her mouth a little bit but she just swallows it. Yum.
The day to read this is not the day you come down with the stomach flu. Thank you, so very, very much.
"I just threw up in my butt."
Right now I am far too impressed to be discouraged that I did not think that up myself. I am blinded by its brilliance.
Thank you.
peace|dewde
I'm partial to "I just farted in my happy place," but it's not quite the same effect. Too soon to bring back "Gag me", I suppose.
Umm, wow...interesting post and it was pretty amusing,lol.
How about....
"My toddler just farted and I inhaled the cloud of baby powder"
I've never understood why the "in my mouth" part. Where else you gonna throw up?
I've never used the IJTUIMM phrase, but I WILL be making use of some of these alternatives- possibly at entirely inappropriate times. Thank you.
I just dry-humped Dick Cheney's herpes- it's what's for dinner.
Can we also have viable alternatives to "give it up for..." by which people appea to be asking for applause. I really hate that.
And while I;m being a verbal pedant. The phrase 'I could care less', implies that one does care. Which seems to be the opposite of what is meant when I read/hear that phrase.
I feel better now. Not in the least but nauseous. So I'm unlikely to throw up in my mouth or anywhere else.
You have no idea how badly I needed this list today. I was tired of that cliché when sports center started doing it. How can you ruin a good hockey fight recap with "I just threw up in my mouth"?!?! Its unAmerican, I tell you.
I'm southern so I'm genetically programed to prefer any reference to "Sweet Baby Jesus" and old standbys such as "Gag-a-maggot" and "I'd rather lick shit-covered goat balls."
The adult diaper one reminded me of the SNL skit, "Oops, I crapped my pants." Great stuff.
Without that phrase, Bill Simmons wouldn't have a career.
No, I don't think that's a bad thing. At all.
Next time just pound my ass like the sisters did Andy Dufresne.
That phrase is too cliche? Really?
But it's tried and true!
Okay, I guess I can go with the farting alternative IF I MUST.
To paraphrase Spinaltap
I just choked on vomit, but I am not sure whose.
I just tickled the iguana a little.
I've never actually used that phrase, but for some reason reading this has made me a little nauseated. But you know, in a good way. Excellent options.
I just sat here with my hand over my mouth (because that's how I sit at the desk to read things) and snorted boogers all over my keyboard. Thanks. Again.
(It's not supposed to be an alternative. It's what happened)
Or... As my 6 year old said to me once, Gross-Arrhea: “Gross-Arrhea is something that’s so gross that it’s worse than diarrhea. It’s like a combination of gross and diarrhea.
http://www.outnumberedonline.com/2008/12/gross-arrhea.html
You should be writing excuses for us at Useless Men. Love the list! Thanks for sharing.
"I just dusted some crops" is one that I've used in the past, but I think threw up in my mouth is still a staple.
That was so funny I just peed a little on my feet.
"I just dry-humped Melissa Etheridge." --ew! I think I'm going to throw up in your mouth.
::holding stomach while wincing:: umm....I think I need to go back to work.
I just snorted my damn tea!
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