My first job after college was writing sports for a newspaper in the Mojave Desert. Because I was the new guy in the department, I was tasked with authoring brief, two-sentence snippets about Little League Baseball games played in our coverage area each night. In the sports journalism world, this chore is the equivalent of hazing freshmen fraternity pledges by dunking their heads in the toilet or making them run naked through the quad. The Little League beat necessarily means fielding phone calls from irate Little League parents who believe their sons were slighted—if not completely disrespected—because their bunt single or bases-loaded walk wasn’t mentioned in a snippet.

“You call yourself a journalist?!” they’d bark. “I’m canceling my subscription to this rag!”

I was 24 years old at the time, and I’ll cop to the fact that these phone called got to me. I was sensitive. I wanted to make my editors happy, and this wasn’t quite what I’d pictured when I dreamed of being a journalist. But in the 15 years since that time, I’ve learned to be grateful for that chore. It helped me develop a thick skin and a measure of perspective. If you put pieces of yourself out there on display—which so many of us do—you must prepare yourself for the inevitability of criticism and, in some cases, personal attack.

That training came in handy a couple of times yesterday.

What I dislike about thick skin is the plain truth that it’s a defense mechanism, and sometimes defense isn’t the appropriate posture. Yes, it’s helpful to be able to deflect the incoming barbs and attacks, but conflicts are a lot easier (and more interesting) to manage when you’re able to throw some punches of your own. But I dare not.

Be the bigger person. Take the high road. Turn the other cheek.

I try.

But lately what I find the hardest posture of all is restraint—and perhaps that’s a sign that my skin isn’t as thick as I thought it was.

People take shots. They just do. And sometimes it feels like shooting back would make it all go away. It’s like an open invitation to stand on top of the table, pound your chest, assert your dominance. But that never ends well. It’s no different than burying hurt feelings under drugs or booze or a half-gallon of rocky road.

Be the bigger person. Take the high road. Turn the other cheek.

I have taken a step back this morning, looked at the bigger picture, and reminded myself that restraint is almost always the smart choice. Not as exciting, nor as fulfilling, but almost always smarter.

Comments

Usually the high road is less congested and you get to where you are going much quicker.

I am so curious.

This is why I am proud to call you friend, Danny. While the high road is the better path, sometimes my stupid temper gets the best of me. Kudos to you.

Yes, but hard, so hard to do. It's so easy to fight back. And it feels so, so good sometimes.

I think that people get personally offended when they are encountered with thick skin. And that is their problem, not yours. It's like the Little League parents. You are doing your job, as you have been told/taught to do it, and the come after you for it. And probably get their knickers in more of a twist just because you won't bend to them.

There is nothing wrong with thick skin. You know, until that callous cracks down to the meat. Then it's just painful.

Good for you! It is much, much harder to take the high road. But in the end, it is the best road to take.

Although I almost want to take the low road on your behalf.

Good for you! I think this is one of the major criteria you have to meet in order to qualify being diagnosed as a Real Live Grown-up : )

wait...you are saying that burying hurt feelings in ice cream is a bad thing?? what are your thoughts on cookie dough?

My momma taught me that usually the best reaction is no reaction at all. Plus, you really irk them by showing them you don't care about their opinion. Best revenge. ;-)

I'm proud of you.

Bah! That's no fun!

You can knowingly turn the other cheek, blah blah blah, and still not let it affect you emotionally. Turn it into a contest.

Why not outduel your foe?

You should know you're already better than him. You have a real book deal.

You are a smart man, Danny. The high road is always the best route to take. My dad taught me that.

(He also taught me to "say yum to rum", but that's neither here nor there...)

Danny, as an elementary school principal, I fight that battle on a daily basis. Sometimes I would just LOVE to tell parents what I really think, but it would certainly not be productive. There ARE lines I don't let them cross, but for the most part, restraint is a must.

And never underestimate the beauty of a bunt single.

Part of what makes my world more convoluted is that when I take the high road exit, I get carjacked by the person who I'm trying to avoid or make nice with. They turn the car around, take off with my shoes and pour water on my socks. So I have to take them off and walk in bare feet on the side of the road.

What?

yeah yeah yeah- so you took the high road!!! So are you going to tell us why you had to refrain from verbally bitch slapping someone who needed it?? (I may have had a glass or 2 of wine!!!!)

When last I checked, higher roads, while sometimes not pleasant to be on, usually have the best views.

On the flip side, if someone doesn't like that their kids' bunt wasn't mentioned, they could certainly be referred to the advertising department, and pay to take out an ad espousing how wonderful their child did in the game. I am sure that peon copywriter in the ad department would be happy to take their information and put it in the paper. For a small fee... :)

I totally agree, especially in this game. But I think it's also important to know when to open that can of ...

That job would have sucked.

Good for you for taking the high road. Really. You should be proud of yourself. Now, tell us who is bothering you so we can send out the blog posse.

a good junk punch always works too.

Unfortunately, "restraint" also equals "boring." As evidenced by this post.

See? Now that's a shot. C'mon, fire back. You know you wanna...

the heck with the high road. passive aggressive, that's where it's at. you may plot a sweet revenge and have the last laugh.

Is this about the whole dillhole debacle?
Because my favorite professional angry person once said "the high road is for b&%$&@! and sissies."
So.
There's that.
I however and am a high road traveler who wishes I could do the low road without feeling guilty. I'm really good at the low road.

No such thing as bad publicity ... are you SURE you want to be the bigger man? If you decide to be pious, it just leaves you open for potshots should you ever make a less then completely virtuous choice latter.

I'm not much of a fighter. Glad you took the path less traveled by.