When I haven’t shaved for a couple of days, I start to see
little gray spokes of stubble on my chin. Gray! Maybe I have skewed view of the
aging process, or maybe I’m just a dumb-ass, but I never expected to see that
color hair on my body while the first number in my age is still a three. You
can say it looks distinguished and mature all you want, but facts are facts and
this is the fact: gray hair means you’re going to die soon. First you lose the
color in your hair, then you lose your ability pop a chubby without taking a
pill, and the next thing you know you’re lying teets-up in a wooden box while
people shovel dirt on your dead ass.
This is my daughter’s fault.
Having a son first gave me a false sense of control and made
me believe parenting is no harder than installing a car seat. Gave him a couple
of Matchbox cars, set him down on the floor, and he could keep himself occupied
for 30 minutes. Changing his diaper was simple—wipe the balls, wipe the butt,
strap him in and let him go. Even as he’s grown into the big-shot nine-year-old
he is now, most conflicts can be diffused with a joke, a vanilla shake, or
simply by me laying down on the ground and letting him punch me in the nuts a
couple of times. He’s a boy. He’s a breeze.
But if I compare my experience to an airplane flight, where
my son was a smooth ride at a comfy cruising altitude with an exit row seat for
extra legroom and a friendly flight attendant who gives me free booze, my
daughter’s arrival and first six years of life are like a sudden, horrendous
pocket of turbulence that sends laptops and Kindles and honey roasted peanuts
flying through the fuselage. People are screaming and praying. The oxygen masks
drop from the overhead compartments and people start to remove their seat
cushions to prepare for the very likely event of a water landing.
Where did this little attitude come from? How is it possible
for a human being to shift from sweet little angel to fire-breathing harbinger
of death and back again within the amount of time it takes to eat a Pop Tart?
I should have seen this coming. Even when she was a baby, in
stark contrast to the ease of changing her brother’s diaper, changing hers
required a practical, working knowledge of physics and kinesiology and
spelunking. Wipe this way, not that way.
Up. No, down. Oh God, it got in there! Get a Q-Tip. Sorry, but that’s not
normal. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not normal.
And as she has matured, ugh, the ATTITUDE! Have you seen the
video Will Ferrell made with his daughter Pearl? The one where she’s the evil
landlord and he’s the frightened tenant?
Yeah, well that’s not such a stretch.
“Honey, can you carry your plate to the sink please?”
“YOU carry it! You work for ME, bitch!”
“I really don’t like the way you’re talking to me right now."
“Who cares? Fuck off.”
And do you want to know the worst part? Whenever I try to
talk to people about this, the reply is universally the same: “Just wait until
she gets older, dude. It’s only just begun.”
To which I say, “Noooooooooo!”
61 Comments
I have two little girls: 5yo & 3yo. The 5yo is pretty much the easiest-going Kindergartener on the planet (once you know what works w/ her).
The 3yo is another story. All girl. All attitude. ALL her own person. 1/2 the time you're with her, you have to tip-toe around yourself as to not ANGER the Claire.
I'm SO not looking forward to 12yo.
My little girl is starting to act like that.... and she's only 2.
I'm screwed
I feel your pain and understand completely. Only I have no boys. Just 2 girls ages 5 and 3. That's right, 2 girls. I have already noticed some grey in my stubble as well and I'm barely in my 30's. I hear the same things also, just wait until they're teenagers...blah blah blah. To them I usually reply "ok, well just wait until they show up at your doorstep to raise them as teenagers since you're such a fucking expert." My 5yo lacks the attitude but her 3yo sister more than makes up for it. What to do about it, I dunno, but I'm open to suggestion.
yeah. My daughter is 4.5 yrs old. And just the last few weeks she's started with this...attitude. I can't call it anything else, she's giving me the attitude! Mommy why did you tell me this? I told you "I KNOW ALREADY!". This in reply to a reminder we were going to the mall to the Apple store. Dear God. This at 4? Help me.
I started out with girls. The boy is newish. (He just turned one.) He's nothing compared to them, a cinch really. I keep watching him, waiting for him to be harder, like everyone swore to me boys were. Yeah, they were lying.
Did you see the premiere of Flash Forward? Where one doctor says to another, "Boys are nothing, you just have to worry about one penis. With a girl, I have to worry about ALL OF THEM." Yeah...my husband won't watch that show now. Says it is too real.
My mom had me, then two boys. She has always said they were soooo much easier :)
I have a 2 & 1/2 year old son and am pregnant with a girl. This post just scared the bejesus out of me. I probably shouldn't send it to my husband. He's already frightened out of his mind as it is.
My daughter was the most perfect angel to ever grace the earth until she reached about 4.5 years. Now I fear for my life daily. She even hmphs at me. In a squeaky little high-pitched way. While turning her back with a hair flip. Lord save me.
My two girls (7-going-on-22 and 3-going-on-15) will be hitting puberty right about the time my wife is going through "The Change." I'm not a religious person, but they say there are no atheists in foxholes...
Oh lord. We have a five week old little girl and already she runs the place. Plus, apparently SHE'LL decide when she's going to sleep. Don't even think about suggesting a time or place.
Your post offers me little hope.
Yours in future suffering.
Yes, indeed, I hear much the same from my friends who have girls. Makes me completely happy and content with my two boys, 8 & 10. I sure as hell wouldn't want a repeat of my own teen years with a daughter of my own! No thank you!
Best of luck dude, you'll need it!
I am glad I am not the only person who has seen and LOVES that Will Ferrell video. I am sorry about your struggles with the girl, though I'd imagine it gets better, then worse, then better again. Good luck!
I remember the ultrasound for my daughter (now 3) like it was yesterday. "It's a girl" said the doctor. 1 second of elation turned quickly to fear. I had flash forwards of the teenage years (I was a teenager once, I'm worried about paybacks) and they weren't pretty. At 3, this week, she says "I Love you Mommy" like 10-15 times a day. I will record this and put it on a loop to play while she sleeps. I will. Hopefully it will sink in in 10 years and I'll breeze through the teenage years with my brainwashed daughter. At least that's the plan for now but like Hockeymandad, I'm also open to suggestions.
My 7YO stepdaughter is so full of attitude I alternate between laughing and crying. She has a twin brother, and if he interrupts her she has him talk to the hand. Not sure where she learned that as we don't do it and we don't watch tv...it must all be her mother ;-)
We also get lots of "I KNOW, dad" "you TOLD ME ALREADY" "I know I know I KNOW *sigh*", (us) "Please go put [random thing making a mess] in your room" (her) "yeah yeah, later".
She is also the sweetest girl in the world and is so affectionate it is almost overload, but then the attitude. Oy.
Funny thing is, she is THE biggest Daddy's Girl you will ever see, yet he is the one she gives all the attitude with. Not to me (yet)...
I just keep hoping this will serve her well when she is older.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...that is all I can do, laugh! Teenage girls are the devil, so just wait, it only gets worse. My dd will be 13 Friday...OMG...she's been bossy, manipulative, and the love of my heart since conception. My son, he's so laid back and easy going and was always EASY, girls, they are the devil I tell you.
Ah, the glorious girl child.
My first was a boy, then a set of twins (girl & boy). If I would've had her first I so would have stopped! She's a delightful dilemma, hence DD. LOL!
Yep dude it only gets worse. My daughter came home all proud of herself for calling some little boy on the bus a whore instead of hitting him. The attitude is that of a pms'ing teenager lord help us all!!!!
I see it in my 15 month old already. After having 2 boys, it can only be described as a Joyous Nightmare.
Thanks for boasting my worst fears.
lol, trust me from growing up we "your daughters" will make your lives hell for about 18 years .. It will start around 2 years and go to about 20 years of age but we do offer you a great bonus that I promise is worth the pain and suffering. When we reach 20 years of age we will see something or hear something and it will hit us hard. Something inside will snap and we will call you and it will be an inconvenient time. You may be on the can or we may wake you up but what we say will make it all okay. We will thank you , we will say I AM SO SORRY for everything I did to you growing up and the piece to resistance YOU WHERE SO RIGHT. now that I have shared this with you does it make things better, this is your little bit of hope, if you get scared just remember I now this for a fact I have done it I have made the call and I have talked to friends and they have done it 2 , many boys will not make the call but almost all us girls do . All you have to do is survive the 18- 19 odd years of torture.
If you have a free moment check out my latest blog post “I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A FREE WEBSITE” at http://sfljournal.blogspot.com
Yes, boys are waaaaay easier than girls. However, I think you should thank your daughter for the early gray. I don't care what anyone says, older men are HOT and for some unknown reason, men make gray look good (bastards).
How is it that women are far superior when we grow up?
I must be the exception. My daughter's birth was hell, and then she screamed and did not sleep for one whole year. After that, she has been by far the easier child as opposed to my son, who stopped talking to us around sixteen and has not resumed yet except to ask if his laundry is done, and are we giving him any money. He's now 21. My daughter has been a joy to everyone since she stopped screaming, and rarely gives anyone attitude, and she is sixteen. Her biggest concern is what car can she drive when she gets her license.
yeah, sorry to all dad's. I am 25 and my relationship with my parents has shifted from all sass all the time to "wow dad you are actually a cool guy"
Yup, my younger daughter is the same age as yours & your description fits perfectly. She swings from the sweetest human being I have ever known to a fire breathing wretch in the blink of an eye! I also have an older daughter who is currently hitting pre-teen adolesence, so I can safely tell you, it doesn't get better. Sorry.
If I had given birth to my daughter first, she'd be an only child.
Okay - I have an 18 year old daughter. Let me just say that in the last year she took us to hell and back and now I am enjoying a little bit of peace in my life now that she's away at college! Boys are much easier!
The other day I shrieked at my dad because he was asking me where I broke the lightbulb that HE was trying to clean up. I'm 24. Good luck =)
Great post, and it's all true -- you may have even underplayed it a bit. I have two boys and one daughter and she's so mentally and emotionally draining that it ought to be a crime. The other day she told me that "maybe you should use your brain." She's 10, looks like her mother and yes, I'm a dead man.
Oh be afraid my friend....I have a 16 yo....she is scary bitchy, a dose of beautiful, smart and oh so effing MEAN....some days so sweet, oh wait, that's when she WANTS something, money, ride, boyfriend/20 friends coming over. I'm not going to make it. I was a nice girl, a good girl...right mom? Okaaaayyy, well my mom has Alzeheimers so she will now readily agree...did I do that to her..oh shit!!!
I've seen plenty of boys with attitude, but girls are tougher.
(BTW, that is actually Adam McKay's daughter, not Will's. Remind me to tell you about the time my husband punched Adam in the stomach).
As the mother of two girls, I'm hear to say it has nothing to do with gender and EVERYTHING to do with birth order. Our oldest at 5 years has always been laid back, easy going, and rule abiding. Our three year old daughter? Um, not so much. I love her with every ounce of my being, but my God. That child is a trip.
My little chick is 14 and people STILL tell me it will get worse. I lose the will to live daily, dude. They are evil...when they're not awesome. No gray area with the girls.
Sorry.
My daughter is 11. I'm not sure who is going to have to move out first, her or I. It is rough. Sometimes I am so dumbfounded by what has been said by her that I have to actually stop and digest the situation to make sure it actually occurred. When I call her on her bad attitude, back talking ways she looks at me like I have four heads. Like I am making stuff up.
Dude, I have 3 girls. Enough said.
I teach and by far....my girls are THE WORST. Dear Lord. They whine, they cry, they do that stupid hair flip, they roll their eyes....I could go on. I'm not married yet, and have no children, but at this point? I'm totally hoping for boys.
Danny, don't worry....when I got to be about 22, 23 I realized what a fantastic dad I have. I tell him all the time now (I'm 28) how glad I am for everything he did for me. However, until I was about 22, I was a complete and total See You Next Tuesday...don't know how he put up with me. Sounds like the force is strong in your little girl...good luck!
Our little girl is about a month old, I am not looking forward to her learning how to talk, or to be more specific; until she learns the word 'no'!
I'm so happy to hear that raising a daughter and all that comes with it is normal and I'm not crazy here or doing a bad job
please say it ain't so... ... ...
not looking forward to adolescence with my almost 2 year old- can't they stay cute forever?!
OMG! This made me laugh so hard! I had a boy first, he is 14 now and wonderful! My daughter is 11 and is all of going on 30! Boys are so much easier!!!! And Dude, wait till she gets close to being a teenager!!!! It gets so much WORSE!!! LOL. I say this as someone who is going through this myself....
In my first pregnancy I wished for a girl, out came a boy. Second and last pregnancy I wished for a girl, out came two boys! I take some comfort in your post and all the comments here, and hope for a calm future.
Ya know...I never thought to compare it to air travel but you have totally hit the nail on the head. It is 100% EXACTLY as you describe. And just as scary.
Old saying that seems to be true: "Boys mess with your heart; girls mess with your mind."
I have a teenaged son that apparently lost all of his vocabulary. Given any statement or question his responses are one of the following: "I KNnnnOoooOOooOWWWW!" "Nothing," and lastly "Fine."
I know that if he had a refrigerator in his room I'd rarely see him unless he wants money, food or clean clothes.
I don't vaguely recall being this much of a pain in the ass to my parents. When I ask my Mom she just laughs. She said that it gets better eventually. I asked what "eventually" means; she laughs again and tells me that you don't get the actual child you have given birth to and knew before the teen years until they are "out on their own." Grrrreeeaaaattttt.
My (very pregnant) wife and I found your post to be extremely amusing. Suggest that you take a few minutes to watch the video clip following:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWcNcJuTHVo
Enjoy!
My two daughters are now 23 and 26. Suffice it to say things wern't always cotton candy and lollipops. The rebellious years are a challenge but if you even want a chance of control you'd best start when they are little. A wise older friend advised: "Never make a rule you aren't willing to enforce.", and "Enforce your rules consistantly." This seems like such basic no brainer stuff but you'd be amazed and how many people don't do that. Also, waiting to impose discepline till they are older and can storm out of the house and disappear is a very bad strategy. The good news is that things DO change once they get older and begin to recognize the lessons you've been trying to teach all along. Lastly, there's nothing like the loves you get from your daughters, makes it all worth while.
Sorry, gotta say it. Boys. Way. Easier.
For some reason The Waltons Christmas Special comes to mind...something or someone was missing and Mary Ellen was not a happy camper. She screams at everyone while decking the halls, "You're all a bunch of Pissants!"
Yep, it will get worse, but then better. Honest.
No, REALLY. Just you wait. You are so screwed. And you won't even need a pill for it.
Strap yourself in. You're in for a long, painful ride. Girls? Suck. Especially, the teenager ones.
My condolences.
Dude. Don't fight it. This is how I described it in one of my earlier posts...
Living with your wife is like, partly cloudy with a chance of scattered showers.
Living with your wife and two daughters is like, watch out for the fucking tsunami, with a chance of sun.
Good Luck.
Yep! Wait til she turns into a teenager...actually wait til your son turns into a teenagers too and then go back and read this..... LMAO. On the upside...your writing ROCKS!!
I have boys. I think they are the most difficult creatures in the universe, but then I'm their mother. Wanna trade? They are beating each other up as I type this. Help!
My dad was the only man in a household of five women.
I'll give you a moment to comprehend the utter estrogen-filled chaos and drama that entails.
He survived all these years by being the first to leave the house and the last to come home.
And hey, if you can survive that, then the rest of life is pretty damn easy.
Correction...I personally know Will Ferrel...(okay so he signed my arm when I met him when he handed my daughter her giant check through a scholarship foundation,) and he has 2 sons and one on the way. His wife Viveca is due in March. *Proof he signed my arm is on my daughter's site if you click the link above.
...correction...the link M below...also see a photo of Will's new sunscreen ad!
First off... my wife read to me the "wipe the balls, wipe the butt" paragraph, and that's how I've decided to subscribe to your feed.
Secondly, this just cements the fact that I don't want a daughter. I'm fine with my boy, and I'll be fine with having another boy. If we have a girl, we're auctioning her off. Period.
Speaking of, just wait until you have to deal with THAT!
I have 3 daughters, 18, 16 and 14. It is HORMONE HELL around here!!! I time my Prozac and Welbutrin to be takin 30 minutes before they come home from school and then I try not to make eye contact.
Good Luck!
I have 2 girls. One 3 1/2 and the other 1 1/2. I also have a dog...female...5 years old. And then there is my wife, who by surprise surprise is also female. Did I mention my brother/sister in law also have a daughter. Oh yeah and my other brother in law - 2 girls. Oh...and I have 2 sisters. I'm a clitoris away from getting breast implants myself and calling it a day. You at least have a son. Do you know what that means? That means you are not the only one with manjunk. I am surrounded by vagina. All day every day it's a labia party and I'm not invited. Do you have any idea the attitude I am surrounded with. Even my doog, the beloved mans best friend shoots me looks daily. The other day, I actually called my oldest daughter a jerk. She's 3 1/2 and she was so horrible I called her a jerk. Whats worse is...I didn't feel bad about it. In about 15 years I'm going to drown in female junk. I need a testosterone life boat.
D
I went for an ultra-sound during my first pregnancy. The doctor told me I was having a girl. I cried the whole way home.
My husband talked me off the roof and assured me everything was going to be fine. Flachbacks to my own behavior as a teenage girl filled my sleepless nights and left my hands clammy and my nails chewed evenly to the quick. I was a mess....
5 months later, with muted shades of pink and purple set to decorate the nursery, I was ordered another ultra-sound. I informed the doctor this time that I was fully aware we were having a baby girl and there was no need to speak in "gender safe" terms.
"Who told you you were having a girl?", the doctor of the day asked.
"Dr. ______" I replied while trying to see the monitor screne over my extra large stomach.
The doctor rolled the monitor around the end of the bed and pointed at the triangular picture in front of me..."That my dear is a penis...you are having a boy!"
I had never been happier to see my son's "junk".
Two boys later....life is good.
The joys of raising daughters. Just wait until the first boy makes her cry. Or when her friends stab her in the back for the first time. Or the dreaded, tween PMS! I with my 8 year could stay 8 for ever! 16 and 13 are making me lose my mind!!
oh nooooo! i just found out we are having a girl and was thinking how easy i was going to have it. i'm scared.
What a pile of sh* this is.
Yeah, American culture teaches girls to be bitchy little sellouts in pink with severe emotional instability, but if parents don´t oppose that, it´s their own freakin fault.
I bet you like the type of hotties that your bitchy daughter is growing to be.
I bet you don´t like smart athletic tomboys because they´re sooooo unfeminine.
So you don´t take your little girls out camping or canoeing. You don´t send them to selfdefence class. You don´t send them to science camp. And all that is so far from your mind that she will feel right from the beginning what you see in her - a girly girl, the type that cheered the team but never tried for a team herself. I bet she gets to feel everyday how you think boys are born superior.
So now she grows to be exactly what you are capable of seeing in her, and as a reward you put stuff like this on the internet, scorning her and telling all the world how she is so wrong and awful. Repeat: YOU - HER FATHER - HER OWN FATHER - ARE PUBLISHING YOUR DISREGARD OF WHO YOU THINK SHE IS - TO A WORLDWIDE AUDIENCE.
I have two little girls: 5yo & 3yo. The 5yo is pretty much the easiest-going Kindergartener on the planet (once you know what works w/ her).
The 3yo is another story. All girl. All attitude. ALL her own person. 1/2 the time you're with her, you have to tip-toe around yourself as to not ANGER the Claire.
I'm SO not looking forward to 12yo.
My little girl is starting to act like that.... and she's only 2.
I'm screwed
I feel your pain and understand completely. Only I have no boys. Just 2 girls ages 5 and 3. That's right, 2 girls. I have already noticed some grey in my stubble as well and I'm barely in my 30's. I hear the same things also, just wait until they're teenagers...blah blah blah. To them I usually reply "ok, well just wait until they show up at your doorstep to raise them as teenagers since you're such a fucking expert." My 5yo lacks the attitude but her 3yo sister more than makes up for it. What to do about it, I dunno, but I'm open to suggestion.
yeah. My daughter is 4.5 yrs old. And just the last few weeks she's started with this...attitude. I can't call it anything else, she's giving me the attitude! Mommy why did you tell me this? I told you "I KNOW ALREADY!". This in reply to a reminder we were going to the mall to the Apple store. Dear God. This at 4? Help me.
I started out with girls. The boy is newish. (He just turned one.) He's nothing compared to them, a cinch really. I keep watching him, waiting for him to be harder, like everyone swore to me boys were. Yeah, they were lying.
Did you see the premiere of Flash Forward? Where one doctor says to another, "Boys are nothing, you just have to worry about one penis. With a girl, I have to worry about ALL OF THEM." Yeah...my husband won't watch that show now. Says it is too real.
My mom had me, then two boys. She has always said they were soooo much easier :)
I have a 2 & 1/2 year old son and am pregnant with a girl. This post just scared the bejesus out of me. I probably shouldn't send it to my husband. He's already frightened out of his mind as it is.
My daughter was the most perfect angel to ever grace the earth until she reached about 4.5 years. Now I fear for my life daily. She even hmphs at me. In a squeaky little high-pitched way. While turning her back with a hair flip. Lord save me.
My two girls (7-going-on-22 and 3-going-on-15) will be hitting puberty right about the time my wife is going through "The Change." I'm not a religious person, but they say there are no atheists in foxholes...
Oh lord. We have a five week old little girl and already she runs the place. Plus, apparently SHE'LL decide when she's going to sleep. Don't even think about suggesting a time or place.
Your post offers me little hope.
Yours in future suffering.
Yes, indeed, I hear much the same from my friends who have girls. Makes me completely happy and content with my two boys, 8 & 10. I sure as hell wouldn't want a repeat of my own teen years with a daughter of my own! No thank you!
Best of luck dude, you'll need it!
I am glad I am not the only person who has seen and LOVES that Will Ferrell video. I am sorry about your struggles with the girl, though I'd imagine it gets better, then worse, then better again. Good luck!
I remember the ultrasound for my daughter (now 3) like it was yesterday. "It's a girl" said the doctor. 1 second of elation turned quickly to fear. I had flash forwards of the teenage years (I was a teenager once, I'm worried about paybacks) and they weren't pretty. At 3, this week, she says "I Love you Mommy" like 10-15 times a day. I will record this and put it on a loop to play while she sleeps. I will. Hopefully it will sink in in 10 years and I'll breeze through the teenage years with my brainwashed daughter. At least that's the plan for now but like Hockeymandad, I'm also open to suggestions.
My 7YO stepdaughter is so full of attitude I alternate between laughing and crying. She has a twin brother, and if he interrupts her she has him talk to the hand. Not sure where she learned that as we don't do it and we don't watch tv...it must all be her mother ;-)
We also get lots of "I KNOW, dad" "you TOLD ME ALREADY" "I know I know I KNOW *sigh*", (us) "Please go put [random thing making a mess] in your room" (her) "yeah yeah, later".
She is also the sweetest girl in the world and is so affectionate it is almost overload, but then the attitude. Oy.
Funny thing is, she is THE biggest Daddy's Girl you will ever see, yet he is the one she gives all the attitude with. Not to me (yet)...
I just keep hoping this will serve her well when she is older.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...that is all I can do, laugh! Teenage girls are the devil, so just wait, it only gets worse. My dd will be 13 Friday...OMG...she's been bossy, manipulative, and the love of my heart since conception. My son, he's so laid back and easy going and was always EASY, girls, they are the devil I tell you.
Ah, the glorious girl child.
My first was a boy, then a set of twins (girl & boy). If I would've had her first I so would have stopped! She's a delightful dilemma, hence DD. LOL!
Yep dude it only gets worse. My daughter came home all proud of herself for calling some little boy on the bus a whore instead of hitting him. The attitude is that of a pms'ing teenager lord help us all!!!!
I see it in my 15 month old already. After having 2 boys, it can only be described as a Joyous Nightmare.
Thanks for boasting my worst fears.
lol, trust me from growing up we "your daughters" will make your lives hell for about 18 years .. It will start around 2 years and go to about 20 years of age but we do offer you a great bonus that I promise is worth the pain and suffering. When we reach 20 years of age we will see something or hear something and it will hit us hard. Something inside will snap and we will call you and it will be an inconvenient time. You may be on the can or we may wake you up but what we say will make it all okay. We will thank you , we will say I AM SO SORRY for everything I did to you growing up and the piece to resistance YOU WHERE SO RIGHT. now that I have shared this with you does it make things better, this is your little bit of hope, if you get scared just remember I now this for a fact I have done it I have made the call and I have talked to friends and they have done it 2 , many boys will not make the call but almost all us girls do . All you have to do is survive the 18- 19 odd years of torture.
If you have a free moment check out my latest blog post “I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A FREE WEBSITE” at http://sfljournal.blogspot.com
Yes, boys are waaaaay easier than girls. However, I think you should thank your daughter for the early gray. I don't care what anyone says, older men are HOT and for some unknown reason, men make gray look good (bastards).
How is it that women are far superior when we grow up?
I must be the exception. My daughter's birth was hell, and then she screamed and did not sleep for one whole year. After that, she has been by far the easier child as opposed to my son, who stopped talking to us around sixteen and has not resumed yet except to ask if his laundry is done, and are we giving him any money. He's now 21. My daughter has been a joy to everyone since she stopped screaming, and rarely gives anyone attitude, and she is sixteen. Her biggest concern is what car can she drive when she gets her license.
yeah, sorry to all dad's. I am 25 and my relationship with my parents has shifted from all sass all the time to "wow dad you are actually a cool guy"
Yup, my younger daughter is the same age as yours & your description fits perfectly. She swings from the sweetest human being I have ever known to a fire breathing wretch in the blink of an eye! I also have an older daughter who is currently hitting pre-teen adolesence, so I can safely tell you, it doesn't get better. Sorry.
If I had given birth to my daughter first, she'd be an only child.
Okay - I have an 18 year old daughter. Let me just say that in the last year she took us to hell and back and now I am enjoying a little bit of peace in my life now that she's away at college! Boys are much easier!
The other day I shrieked at my dad because he was asking me where I broke the lightbulb that HE was trying to clean up. I'm 24. Good luck =)
Great post, and it's all true -- you may have even underplayed it a bit. I have two boys and one daughter and she's so mentally and emotionally draining that it ought to be a crime. The other day she told me that "maybe you should use your brain." She's 10, looks like her mother and yes, I'm a dead man.
Oh be afraid my friend....I have a 16 yo....she is scary bitchy, a dose of beautiful, smart and oh so effing MEAN....some days so sweet, oh wait, that's when she WANTS something, money, ride, boyfriend/20 friends coming over. I'm not going to make it. I was a nice girl, a good girl...right mom? Okaaaayyy, well my mom has Alzeheimers so she will now readily agree...did I do that to her..oh shit!!!
I've seen plenty of boys with attitude, but girls are tougher.
(BTW, that is actually Adam McKay's daughter, not Will's. Remind me to tell you about the time my husband punched Adam in the stomach).
As the mother of two girls, I'm hear to say it has nothing to do with gender and EVERYTHING to do with birth order. Our oldest at 5 years has always been laid back, easy going, and rule abiding. Our three year old daughter? Um, not so much. I love her with every ounce of my being, but my God. That child is a trip.
My little chick is 14 and people STILL tell me it will get worse. I lose the will to live daily, dude. They are evil...when they're not awesome. No gray area with the girls.
Sorry.
My daughter is 11. I'm not sure who is going to have to move out first, her or I. It is rough. Sometimes I am so dumbfounded by what has been said by her that I have to actually stop and digest the situation to make sure it actually occurred. When I call her on her bad attitude, back talking ways she looks at me like I have four heads. Like I am making stuff up.
Dude, I have 3 girls. Enough said.
I teach and by far....my girls are THE WORST. Dear Lord. They whine, they cry, they do that stupid hair flip, they roll their eyes....I could go on. I'm not married yet, and have no children, but at this point? I'm totally hoping for boys.
Danny, don't worry....when I got to be about 22, 23 I realized what a fantastic dad I have. I tell him all the time now (I'm 28) how glad I am for everything he did for me. However, until I was about 22, I was a complete and total See You Next Tuesday...don't know how he put up with me. Sounds like the force is strong in your little girl...good luck!
Our little girl is about a month old, I am not looking forward to her learning how to talk, or to be more specific; until she learns the word 'no'!
I'm so happy to hear that raising a daughter and all that comes with it is normal and I'm not crazy here or doing a bad job
please say it ain't so... ... ...
not looking forward to adolescence with my almost 2 year old- can't they stay cute forever?!
OMG! This made me laugh so hard! I had a boy first, he is 14 now and wonderful! My daughter is 11 and is all of going on 30! Boys are so much easier!!!! And Dude, wait till she gets close to being a teenager!!!! It gets so much WORSE!!! LOL. I say this as someone who is going through this myself....
In my first pregnancy I wished for a girl, out came a boy. Second and last pregnancy I wished for a girl, out came two boys! I take some comfort in your post and all the comments here, and hope for a calm future.
Ya know...I never thought to compare it to air travel but you have totally hit the nail on the head. It is 100% EXACTLY as you describe. And just as scary.
Old saying that seems to be true: "Boys mess with your heart; girls mess with your mind."
I have a teenaged son that apparently lost all of his vocabulary. Given any statement or question his responses are one of the following: "I KNnnnOoooOOooOWWWW!" "Nothing," and lastly "Fine."
I know that if he had a refrigerator in his room I'd rarely see him unless he wants money, food or clean clothes.
I don't vaguely recall being this much of a pain in the ass to my parents. When I ask my Mom she just laughs. She said that it gets better eventually. I asked what "eventually" means; she laughs again and tells me that you don't get the actual child you have given birth to and knew before the teen years until they are "out on their own." Grrrreeeaaaattttt.
My (very pregnant) wife and I found your post to be extremely amusing. Suggest that you take a few minutes to watch the video clip following:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWcNcJuTHVo
Enjoy!
My two daughters are now 23 and 26. Suffice it to say things wern't always cotton candy and lollipops. The rebellious years are a challenge but if you even want a chance of control you'd best start when they are little. A wise older friend advised: "Never make a rule you aren't willing to enforce.", and "Enforce your rules consistantly." This seems like such basic no brainer stuff but you'd be amazed and how many people don't do that. Also, waiting to impose discepline till they are older and can storm out of the house and disappear is a very bad strategy. The good news is that things DO change once they get older and begin to recognize the lessons you've been trying to teach all along. Lastly, there's nothing like the loves you get from your daughters, makes it all worth while.
Sorry, gotta say it. Boys. Way. Easier.
For some reason The Waltons Christmas Special comes to mind...something or someone was missing and Mary Ellen was not a happy camper. She screams at everyone while decking the halls, "You're all a bunch of Pissants!"
Yep, it will get worse, but then better. Honest.
No, REALLY. Just you wait. You are so screwed. And you won't even need a pill for it.
Strap yourself in. You're in for a long, painful ride. Girls? Suck. Especially, the teenager ones.
My condolences.
Dude. Don't fight it. This is how I described it in one of my earlier posts...
Living with your wife is like, partly cloudy with a chance of scattered showers.
Living with your wife and two daughters is like, watch out for the fucking tsunami, with a chance of sun.
Good Luck.
Yep! Wait til she turns into a teenager...actually wait til your son turns into a teenagers too and then go back and read this..... LMAO. On the upside...your writing ROCKS!!
I have boys. I think they are the most difficult creatures in the universe, but then I'm their mother. Wanna trade? They are beating each other up as I type this. Help!
My dad was the only man in a household of five women.
I'll give you a moment to comprehend the utter estrogen-filled chaos and drama that entails.
He survived all these years by being the first to leave the house and the last to come home.
And hey, if you can survive that, then the rest of life is pretty damn easy.
Correction...I personally know Will Ferrel...(okay so he signed my arm when I met him when he handed my daughter her giant check through a scholarship foundation,) and he has 2 sons and one on the way. His wife Viveca is due in March. *Proof he signed my arm is on my daughter's site if you click the link above.
...correction...the link M below...also see a photo of Will's new sunscreen ad!
First off... my wife read to me the "wipe the balls, wipe the butt" paragraph, and that's how I've decided to subscribe to your feed.
Secondly, this just cements the fact that I don't want a daughter. I'm fine with my boy, and I'll be fine with having another boy. If we have a girl, we're auctioning her off. Period.
Speaking of, just wait until you have to deal with THAT!
I have 3 daughters, 18, 16 and 14. It is HORMONE HELL around here!!! I time my Prozac and Welbutrin to be takin 30 minutes before they come home from school and then I try not to make eye contact.
Good Luck!
I have 2 girls. One 3 1/2 and the other 1 1/2. I also have a dog...female...5 years old. And then there is my wife, who by surprise surprise is also female. Did I mention my brother/sister in law also have a daughter. Oh yeah and my other brother in law - 2 girls. Oh...and I have 2 sisters. I'm a clitoris away from getting breast implants myself and calling it a day. You at least have a son. Do you know what that means? That means you are not the only one with manjunk. I am surrounded by vagina. All day every day it's a labia party and I'm not invited. Do you have any idea the attitude I am surrounded with. Even my doog, the beloved mans best friend shoots me looks daily. The other day, I actually called my oldest daughter a jerk. She's 3 1/2 and she was so horrible I called her a jerk. Whats worse is...I didn't feel bad about it. In about 15 years I'm going to drown in female junk. I need a testosterone life boat.
D
I went for an ultra-sound during my first pregnancy. The doctor told me I was having a girl. I cried the whole way home.
My husband talked me off the roof and assured me everything was going to be fine. Flachbacks to my own behavior as a teenage girl filled my sleepless nights and left my hands clammy and my nails chewed evenly to the quick. I was a mess....
5 months later, with muted shades of pink and purple set to decorate the nursery, I was ordered another ultra-sound. I informed the doctor this time that I was fully aware we were having a baby girl and there was no need to speak in "gender safe" terms.
"Who told you you were having a girl?", the doctor of the day asked.
"Dr. ______" I replied while trying to see the monitor screne over my extra large stomach.
The doctor rolled the monitor around the end of the bed and pointed at the triangular picture in front of me..."That my dear is a penis...you are having a boy!"
I had never been happier to see my son's "junk".
Two boys later....life is good.
The joys of raising daughters. Just wait until the first boy makes her cry. Or when her friends stab her in the back for the first time. Or the dreaded, tween PMS! I with my 8 year could stay 8 for ever! 16 and 13 are making me lose my mind!!
oh nooooo! i just found out we are having a girl and was thinking how easy i was going to have it. i'm scared.
What a pile of sh* this is.
Yeah, American culture teaches girls to be bitchy little sellouts in pink with severe emotional instability, but if parents don´t oppose that, it´s their own freakin fault.
I bet you like the type of hotties that your bitchy daughter is growing to be.
I bet you don´t like smart athletic tomboys because they´re sooooo unfeminine.
So you don´t take your little girls out camping or canoeing. You don´t send them to selfdefence class. You don´t send them to science camp. And all that is so far from your mind that she will feel right from the beginning what you see in her - a girly girl, the type that cheered the team but never tried for a team herself. I bet she gets to feel everyday how you think boys are born superior.
So now she grows to be exactly what you are capable of seeing in her, and as a reward you put stuff like this on the internet, scorning her and telling all the world how she is so wrong and awful. Repeat: YOU - HER FATHER - HER OWN FATHER - ARE PUBLISHING YOUR DISREGARD OF WHO YOU THINK SHE IS - TO A WORLDWIDE AUDIENCE.
You suck, Mister. You suck big time.