1) Stop talking like a baby. 

2) Stop playing with your burrito.

3) Your vagina is your business.

4) Dessert?! You barely touched your dinner.

5) Take your finger out of your nose.

6) Why do you always have to go right when the waiter brings our dinner?

7) Don’t just sit there and stare at it. Clean it up!

8) I thought I told you to keep your hands to yourself.

9) Don’t forget to flush it.

10) You still have shampoo in your hair.

11) Well mommy’s not here right now, is she?

12) Are you a baby? Then why are you talking like one?

13) Take your shoes off of the couch.

14) That’s it! Go to bed!

Comments

I totally said each and every one of those things to my daughter last night with the exception of "why do you ALWAYS wait until we pull on to the highway to tell me you have to go"

ahhhh the joys!

I'm sorry I missed most of that.

I've had similar conversations with a male twist to #3.

Seriously I never thought "Keep your hands off your penis in public" would be sometime I said so freqently

Well number 3 is just good advice. :)

I am right there with y'all on number 3, but like Stacey, from the little dude perspective. "Penises are private!" is a common reminder around our house.

I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone. My favorite is "We do not put rice in our armpits."

If you had a boy, #2 might be a little risque.

You crack me up!

Been there soooo many times. Don't have a clue how my wife stands being home all day with my two little ones.

Oh, and I hope a couple "I love you"s were in there too! I find it's always really damn hard to remember that when they're the craziest is when they need us the most.

Wow... very similar to what I said to my little guy last night, well, except for the vagina part. Just the other night I caught myself yelling "Jack, we DO NOT chase our friends with axes!" (It was a plastic halloween axe, but still...)

I might have to borrow this post idea... :-)

If I had a nickel for every time I've said to our boys..."that's not a handle".

We've already had the "No one wants to hear about your penis" conversation, and my kid is only two and a half.

Thank you for reminding me that there are others out there......

Walking out of our gym one day with my 3 year old, I told him to stop running in the halls.

He then looks at me and in full voice says, "Right. No running, no screaming, no crying and no touching my penis in the store."

About half a dozen people around us started laughing. All I could do was say, "Yup, that's right."

Throw in "brush your teeth" and "use your fork", record it, and I could just lounge around in bed all evening eating bon-bons.

If you were compelled to answer the question "why can't they do these things" from a friend, would you still say them?

Watching my daughter grow up. Man, it's a treasure. But #3 is something I never thought I'd say (but recently have) and #11 is, well - it's the ongoing battle between "play mom against dad" game all kids play.

Strangely enough, I hope I never stop saying these things to my daughter.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha. I'm sorry you had to go through that but I feel qualified to laugh because I go through that every day. We taught my son where his nose is and every time we say "Where is your nose?" he sticks a finger up it. Great. :-/

Sounds like a Tuesday at my house.

And another, "Sometimes, daddy IS right."

I didn't tell my daughters anything last night because I was drunk at the OutBack Steakhouse in my Captain America costume. My wife did call me a Schmuck though...

Don't let up on nipping the baby talk. When it came to baby talk in elementary school, I was ruthless with the prohibitions: If you talk like a baby in sixth grade, I'm going to insult your self-esteem and I feel sorry for you that your parents let you continue to embarrass yourself. My daughter is now a senior in college and some of her fellow students didn't get the same training. Baby talk in neurochemistry class is not cute.

LOL....sounds like an evening in my house!

Everything but #3 has been said in my house within the past 48 hours. But the restaurant bathroom game is to wait as long as possible and try to leave right BEFORE the food gets there. My husband and I have begun looking forward to the short interlude now that they can be trusted (mostly) to go to the loo by themselves!

this is some funny stuff. can't wait to say those things to our new baby girl. minus #3--or maybe that's the funniest one.

Just another day in fatherhood.

Spoken like a true Dad.

*pumps your hand* Congratulations Mr. Evans, it's a Daughter. Your handbook will arrive sometime after she graduates.

#3 ... Yet another reason I'm glad to have a son and not a daughter. I am looking forward to using the "well, you're mother's not here, is she?" in the next couple years.

Oh, Danny. Just you wait. In a few years you will have a much longer list. With a lot more profanity.

I have so much to look forward to! Just found your blog, it's great. Thanks for the laughs

I am a stepmom. My stepson is 9 1/2 and lives with us 1/2 the time. When can I start using #12 without sounding like a harsh b&*tch stepmom? I'm sick of his 'cutesy' [read vomit] talk.

I'm a stepmom. My stepson, 9 1/2 years old, lives with us 1/2 the time. When can I start using #12 without being labeled the b*$#ch in the house? I'm tired of the cutesy (vomit) talk.

For some reason, mine always involves licking things that should not be licked. She's 3, I thought she'd have developed intelligent thought by now and realized not everything tastes good.

I have a son and do not know often I have to say the word "penis" in our house. Got a kick out of this post ... thanks!

So..........A totally normal evening with a little girl?