On Having a Son
Tonight my son and I sat in the minivan, which is parked in the garage, watching a baseball game on TV---a TV in our garage because that's where men go to watch TV when women want to watch So You Think You Can Dance.
He wants to be a catcher, so we watched the catchers on TV, dissecting their moves, the way they protect their signs to the pitcher, the way they block a ball in the dirt, the way they commit to sacrificing their body in order to make a play for the team.
I am proud of many things, but I have never felt the pride I feel when I look at my son, Noah. The heart he has. The way he (usually) treats his little sister (despite her badgering of him). His enthusiasm for life, for baseball, for me, for ice cream, for sleeping when he's tired, for cuddling with his mom, for being able to explore life with the wide eyes of a nine-year-old boy. I have wished I was him. I have wished for his innocence. I have wished for the ability to look upon the world as a mountain to be conquered rather than a cross to be borne.
I'm not the best dad ever. I fail. I yell when I should be sensitive. I set bad examples. I'm unavailable and distant and often my parenting skills are a disaster on par with a reality show on The Discovery Channel. But I love him. I love him like I've never loved anything. I love him more than I love anything. I'm not a religious person or a person who believes in fate or destiny or any of that crap, but I believe I was put here to love this boy. And I do.
Entirely.
What a great tribute to your son. And any man that writes these words, that has these feelings, is a great dad. Just ask your son. I'm sure he knows.
you are the bear grylls of fatherhood. (I mean that in a good way). You ARE the man. He's as lucky to have you as you are to have him.
ps - sisters prefer baseball in the garage to SYTYCD too. Just so you know.
Wow- every person who has ever been a kid or a parent thanks you!
Awww, Danny this is so sweet! Great picture of you two also! :)
And I love you.
Noah is one lucky little boy. Rest assured the mistakes you make will pale in comparison to the memories he will harbor of your fierce love and devotion!! He will grow up to be an amazing man due to the nurturing and loving dad you are to him today. Today's love and work is creating an incredible young man and teaching an older one a thing or two, right?!!
I came to your site from Kristie E.'s. My husband passed away on 6/12 and I wish my children (especially my sons) had heard these words from their father! They have memories of their father in the garage,too....him passed out from drinking... They are 28 & 21 and are grieving for a father that was never there for them. Although I don't know you, just reading the words for your son fills my heart! Any man can be a father...it takes someone special to be a DADDY! Your little man has a Daddy! God Bless you!
Wonderfully written, Danny. I could feel the fierceness with which you love your boy. I could see it. I could hear it. And I know that feeling myself.
Wow. So I'm sitting here totally crying now. That was beautiful. I love having a son too. It's like a special secret no one tells you about and then when you get to be the parent of a little boy? It's everything you never knew you needed.
I know that feeling. I was put here to love my kids. What a fierce, heart felt post.
Get out of my brain, Danny! You are such a thought stealer!
I love that photo of you two.
This part? "I'm not a religious person or a person who believes in fate or destiny or any of that crap, but I believe I was put here to love this boy."
Yes. And I believe he was put here to love you, too.
Please teach him how to treat women. Properly. This is your job as his father and if you fail there will be so many broken hearts out there because of your son. Broken hearts that you could have prevented.
Beautiful.
Very cute. And with two boys of my own, I know the feeling... (though I'm not a SYTYC-whatever the hell those initials are- Mom. I'm a "game's on on the big TV" Mom.)
One might also say that you've been put here to inspire the rest of us to reflect on our own experiences as parents and spouses. Thank you!
Since I've got one of each too, I can't wait to read "On Having a Daughter."
A lovely post and it is the best feeling in the world isn't it?
awesome!
This is awesome. If you haven't already signed him up for an email account, do it now and send him a link to this post so he will be able to save and read this later. Love the pic as well.
There are so many things you write about that make me laugh, and so many that touch my soul. This one touched me. I love my son so much. Of all the people in my life he is the one that I am aware that he loves me with his whole heart. I'm his mommie, and he knows that I love him more than anybody does. He tells me that. And I know he loves me, I feel it, I see it. He isn't ashamed to hold my hand at a store, or give me big hugs and kisses in public. He's my son. My heart could absolutely explode with love.
My oldest daughter, 19, is a writer. Your letter to writing touched her. She said you said it exactly the way she feels it.
The father is greatful and the chlid is lucky. May they are happier.
...wonderful...make sure you tell him often...so you can balance discipline with praise. Inevitably - he will make mistakes that will require discipline...but as long as you can balance it with unconditional love...he will love you the same right back.
Beautiful. Really, really beautiful. Lucky son, lucky daddy.
Love this. We're expecting our first baby in October and we just found out we're having a son. He's not even born yet and I'm already looking forward to teaching him to camp, to fish, to throw a baseball and swing a bat. I can't wait!
Love it! When I pregnant with our eldest, my husband kept telling me 'it' had better be a girl, since he had no idea what to do with a boy - maybe teach him to make a nice quiche? Now we have two girls, and he rocks, but I think he would have been great at raising a son too. LOVE your pic, and that you hang out in the minivan!
My husband just started a blog, early stages, and I 'followed' you as a Dad he would enjoy reading.
He is over at
http://guysguidetothegastronomicgspot.blogspot.com/
Great post, Danny. Just great.
Today was one of those days where I realize I'm not as great a dad as I want to be. I partly blame my two-year-old-doesn't-want-to-obey-anything-we-say son, but also my lack of patience, my temper, my anxiety, my everything else.
At the end of the day though, I love him more than I thought I could love anything else on this planet. Being a dad is great.
Of course you do...Dad.
You hit the nail on the head, Danny. I have the great fortune to be the father of a little boy who turned 5 today and (not diminishing my love for my wife and our relationship) he is the the thing that brings me the greatest joy in my life. Just the idea that this wonderful little person thinks that I'M the greatest thing in the world amazes me to no end. Some day (probably sooner than later) he'll figure out that I'm just as screwed up as everyone else, but for now I'm going to enjoy it and save these memories to treasure later.
Goddammit, ya got me weepy - time to up my welbutrin dosage, I think.
So well said. My son's only 15 months. I can't wait until I can share moments like that with him. Right now he's very "mama-centric" - in a way that frustrates me sometimes. But I know these kinds of days are ahead, and I can't wait!
That was the best thing my eyes have fallen upon all day. Thank you.
Awesome post! I feel the same way about my 5 year old.
You are brilliant Danny.....thanks for this post!
Oh sure. Go ahead and make me cry. That's really cheap. I wish there was a television in my minivan.
Great post, Danny. Great picture.
it is so good!